my husband would never send me stuff this good

maybe i'm just still single, because if i change my status to "in a relationship" or heaven forbid "married" i might miss out on getting emails like the following.

Subject: hi
Message: Friends are a promise made in the heart.. Silent.. Unwritten.. Unbreakable by distance... Unchangeable by time. It's lovely to have u as one!

Subject:
Message: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Subject:
Message: I would like to be a new friend. Would u like to date with me, let me know.ready or not?

and my favorite...

Subject: 4 U
Message: My my where have you been all my existence? I can not believe that someone so profound has not come to the very embrace of my heart. I can not believe that someone so lovely has been so distant and not within the grasp of my caress. Can one know more about the marvelous you or does one have to engage classes to learn about someone so outstanding

why would i risk missing out on this? linkup, your plan to link me up has failed. backfired really.

if your guess is as good as mine

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. Psalms 40:1

i like prayers. i wonder though if it is necessary to pray no less than 8 times in any given mormon church meeting. as far as i can tell nothing happens between sacrament and sunday school to warrant a prayer. unnecessary and recycled prayers seem to trivialize the experience. although, i am never quite sure what the experience should be like.

i actually quite like to pray. i like to thank God for things i suspect he has done for me or tell Him funny things about my day or complain about celibacy, etc. but i rarely pray for advice or guidance. and i think i know why. i dont like the concept of what i have heard called the "changing answer." i have heard of this concept most often linked to dating and marriage relationships more than anything else. the changing answer is a pretty self explanatory theory. people start to date and pray about each other and one (or both) of the people feels really good about it and then things go south and they dont know what to do because they felt like they received an answer to go forward. now they arent sure what to do because last time they prayed they felt good about it but now the relationship is terrible. if they are confused and ask someone about it people (leaders, bishops, etc) often say that answers change. or other scenario is that people date and pray about it, feel good, get married and three years later one of the spouses says something like this "i dont love you anymore," "turns out i am gay," or "here is the deal. i dont want to be married and i never really did."

now i understand that life circumstances change. people fall out of love. they develop mental illnesses or substance abuse problems that make relationships impossible. irreconcilable difference arise. abuse. etc. i dont mind that. thats just life. but is the point of praying and recieving answers so that we can have some sort of assurance or guarantee that what we are doing is going to work out? isnt that why we pray because we dont know so we thought we should ask someone that does? arent we asking because God knows who we are dating will eventually leave us (with three kids and a mortgage)? can God give us bad advice? there is always the chance i (or any of us) dont understand answers. but if that is the case what is the point in asking?

i dont know. but i dont like to ask God for guidance because if it turns out to be bad than i wont have any hard feelings against Him. thats why i keep boys out of our conversations all together. but dont worry i have plenty of others things to talk about. i tend to ramble. obviously.

bff to sister wife to bff

This weekend natali and I had a rollercoaster romance. We met and fell in love with our husband and shortly after all became disappointed with each other and fell out of love and broke up. It was a whirlwind to say the least.

Natali had a gift certificate to Ruby River from work. $50. Since we had spent much of the day together decorating cookies and making easter baskets, we thought we might as well make it a marathon date and go to dinner as well. Natali’s (work’s) treat. Sounds good to me. Little did we know we were about to fall in love….

You wouldn’t have thought it at first. Our waiter (mark) was cute enough. I don’t know about natali, but it wasn’t love at first sight for me. However, when mark opened his mouth and emitted an Aussie accent, we were both smitten. The feelings were mutual. It was my first polygamous relationship and I was in heaven. I started calling natali “sister wife”. It felt natural. She did the gay thing and dropped the “sister” when addressing me. Also natural.

We were debating on an appetizer. Because who doesn’t get them when a gift card is involved? We asked our new Aussie boyfriend Mark what his favorite appetizer was. He said it was the smoked trout and began describing it’s every goodness. Sourdough bread, cream cheese, capers, red onions…MTB!! That’s exactly what we were thinking about getting! that’s exactly what we were thinking about getting! we told mark. We were ready to take this relationship to the next level.

Shortly thereafter he brought it out to us and we dove right in. yum! BFAM (BF Aussie Mark) was right, this IS good! Did that last bite taste kind of like mold? Nahhh. Nat and I ate two full pieces of smoked trout on sourdough bread before we noticed the mold. There was kind of a lot. Actually, nat at 2.5 pieces. Two before we found the mold and .5 after. What can she say, it was good trout.

Um…excuse me, Aussie Mark? Um…there’s mold on this bread…Aussie Mark was shocked and embarrassed. He began to withdraw. He sent other people to deliver our food and when he came to bring us new waters he couldn’t even look us in the eye. But BFAM, we aren’t mad! Sure, we want to puke and we can’t stop laughing (and weezing if you’re natali), but we’re not mad! Please, give us another chance. But he couldn’t. He felt too much shame in recommending something so emphatically and making us eat mold. I guess I can’t blame him. I mean, he made us eat mold!

What a love affair.

im not saying its an eternal truth he is a good lover

bexy and i hung out with some friends from ours from out of town (greg, nate and rob). because we are all mormon and single and over 24 the conversation naturally turned to relationships (failed), marriage, mormonism and refractory periods. greg said something that i have been thinking about lately--how day to day relationships are. before, in what i would like to call my younger, idealist years in which i thought people felt the same way about someone forever and that baggy plaid shirts were flattering on me i dont think i would have understood the day to day relationship concept without some sort of chart or visual aid. and once i understood it i wouldnt have believed it.

the problems in long term relationships (from what people tell me who are divorced and what i noticed on tv) is that people change and expectations arent met. change can be very scary. and sometimes when people change their partners get nervous and break up. change makes people very jumpy. unmet expectations are also boner killers. things rarely turn out how you expect it seems. this is what got me thinking about the day to day relationship. it seems like the most successful relationships, the ones that last (well), ironically are the ones that people view on a day to day basis. once you realize that people change and relationships change and circumstances change, the easier it is to cope with change overall and expectations are significantly reduced to a healthy level. and that makes it easier to stay in a relationship.

while i was writing this post i was watching witches of eastwick. its actually kind of an interesting movie about gender roles and drug use. my favorite part is when jack nicholson is seducing michelle pheiffer and michelle pheiffer is like are you going to seduce me? because i get pregnant really easily.

blog writer blog, i mean block

Natali: we all are

blog writer blog

block

is what i meant to say

me: i like the first better

in fact, i no longer even believe it

what about you, what are your dating blog ideas

Natali: i have nothing

me: but we're supposed to be brainstorming

12:40 PM i think you want the dating blog to fail

Natali: i know i am trying

what!

haha

i really dont have any ideas

i wish i did

12:41 PM in fact i hate everything i have written on it

for the last three months

jefe and brooke might write about how they got engaged

which i thought was fun

12:42 PM me: i have an idea

what about if i posted parts of this chat

including the last line

12:43 PM (and possibly the last one, but this one seems like a stretch)

so the post is about how we have no interesting thoughts on dating

Natali: oh thats a good idea

me: we're onto post-dating

Natali: my friend just sent me this article

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/opinion/points/stories/DN-hymowitz_27edi.ART0.State.Edition1.378ca5b.html

10 minutes

12:54 PM Natali: i just finished it. it was hella long

12:58 PM me: i'm not even half way through

i keep getting distracted by work

Natali: i was about to say i am such a faster reader

but you had that handy "work" excuse

me: i'm sure you're a fast work

1:00 PM reader

1:02 PM fast reader

Natali: fast work...is that sexual

me: it could be

1:04 PM Natali: my apartment is a mess and i dont like it one bit

1:07 PM me: i finished it

but i'm going to go to lunch

maybe we should respond to the essay as dating posts

i'll tell you after we've sealed the deal

so, i was thinking about how random (and by that i mean miraculous) it is when two people fall in love and want to be together forever. i mean, there are a lot of pretty cool people out there, right? but that obviously isn’t going to guarantee any kind of match. i’m sure we all have male and female friends that we think are both awesome that dislike each other.

so anyway, i was thinking about the millions of dumb little things that drive people crazy. things that you’d probably accept if you found out about them AFTER you fell in love, but since you noticed them right off the bat, you never went out/hung out with that person again. OR…these same things that drive one person crazy might actually come across as endearing to someone else. at least i’m banking on that option.

here are things about me that probably fall into that category:

1. i bite my nails when i’m stressed/anxious/scared (i practically had to have my fingers surgically reattached after no country for old men)
2. i chew gum non-stop (i have an oral fixation). also i blow bubbles constantly
3. i make loud shivery noises when i first go out into the cold
4. i really love barry manilow
5. i’m pretty up-to-date on celebrity gossip. i’m kind of embarrassed about this one, actually.
6. i will describe the entire episode of “i shouldn’t be alive” to you, even if you might not want to hear about it.
7. sometimes i watch telemundo because i think the shows are funny. sure, hispanic game shows can’t rival japanese, but come on! have you seen their soap operas?
8. i will try to get you to eat korean food. in provo.
9. i talk really loudly when i get excited/mad/passionate about something
10. really loudly

there are plenty of things about other people that annoy me, but i won’t list those here.

one time in church, during a talk about dating, they (the teacher) mentioned trying to focus only on the good things about the person. or something like that. wait, maybe it was testimony meeting. was it a dating lesson? i don’t remember. usually when there are “dating lessons” in church i roll my eyes and wonder why i go to church ever (crap, could this be why i’m not married?). clearly, though, this thought has stuck with me and i’ve tried to be more open-minded about the giant plethora of idiots i’ve dated.

it reminds me of satan in the book of job

no one has posted for awhile so i thought maybe i would give it a whirl. i am stuck at home with some sort of hacking cough so i might as well blog while i am trying to trick my friends into bringing me a slurpee (i like the following flavors: coke, mountain dew, mango tango tea, and anything with crystal lite).

today i think i had a date with my neighbor. i was outside sunning myself and trying not to wheeze (which took considerable effort) when a man standing outside on the sidewalk commented on the weather. i agreed it was nice. then he said something else about the weather. and i said something else about the weather. it went on like this for awhile. i wanted him to go away which made me think it was a date after all. then he came up and sat by me and started asking if lived by myself and other probing questions. normally, this is were i slip a ring onto my fourth finger but i wasnt wearing one. so we sat and chatted for what seemed like a really time but that might have just been the cold medication. anyway, i wasnt interested in my neighbor so i told him i had to go do laundry which was a lie but it seemed like i have to go take a nap was mean. but i didnt think we would go out again so i wasnt super worried.

also happy birthday ck! i hope you dont have the black lung.