temporary marriages

so in iran they have temporary marriages. enough of this eternity or death till we part i think temporary might be the way to go. the time limit can be from one hour to a century so its pretty flexible and you can perform the ceremony yourself in private to its inexpensive and convenient. its a great alternative to living in sin. your marriage could last as long as this cake (which in my case could be awhile since i dont really like sugar...)

the baseball theory of dating

awhile back i came up with the baseball theory of dating. it was in response to dating and being mormon and dating mormons. here is how it goes. girls should have three guys on base at all times. that means unless you have a boyfriend do your best not to get to involved in any one guy (avoid hyperfocusing). boys should have one up to bat at a time. that means if you are a guy you should try dating one girl until you decide you dont like her and then then next girl gets up to bat (try focusing). its an attempt to somehow normalize dating habits and practices in an otherwise abnormal dating environment. and that in summary is the baseball theory on dating. and now for my reasoning.

last sunday in church the speaker was a 22 year old returned missionary lamenting his dating problems. he didnt know which girl was the right girl for him. he went on to say he had been dating a girl seriously and prayed about about her his wife. but he didnt feel great so he broke it off. he then proceeded to say he thinks he escaped an eternity of misery by following this prompting. but added, she was a great girl. which sums up how i feel when i date mormon guys. you are always on audition. are you in fact the one? but even though you are great there is that certain indescribable characteristic that they cant articulate but you glaringly lack. and what if you arent the one and they accidentally marry you and great they are in misery for eternity (all your fault). i feel like boys are always wondering if i measure up to every stereotype of womanhood and have every quality of motherness and will i always be skinny even after having six kids but most importantly am i the one or is there another girl out there i might like a little more.

i dont really blame mormon guys. its not their fault. this is the problem in any small religious group that places a lot of emphasis on marriage and marrying the right person and marrying within the religion and marrying a stalwart member within the religion and marrying for forever to boot. but it puts me in a pickle. i really like realness and honesty and acceptance and appreciation in relationships. and i find that more outside of mormondon, not exclusively outside but mostly. i think ck once told me that her best boyfriends were either 1)converts 2)inactives or 3) nonmembers. ahem is all have to say to that.

this post is not in anyway supposed to be about how mormon boys are not dateable. they are. i have dated a lot in my day and i have generally enjoyed the experience. i am just trying to highlight a problem i think comes from dating within a small religious group. i am just suggesting that dating would be easier if you werent limited to 2% of the population. but even without the numbers there do seem to be some serious problems with how dating is approached in our subculture and strange expectations and views on the matter. and maybe my baseball theory will fix it. i doubt it. play ball.

rain is falling looks likes love

ok i have been writing my fair share of blogs lately. i apologize. i live with my parents. and they dont have cable.

i feel as though i should clarify my "one" position. i just wanted to say i dont
believe there are many predestined "ones". but i do believe in predestination. in that you always choose that "one" person you end up with. so you were always going to choose that "one" despite the fact it wasnt destiny. so in a way its still destiny. i havent worked all that out yet. (and by that i mean agency).

i was never good with fate. it scares more me than dakota fanning. if there is fate and you are supposed to marry some"one" i would mess that up faster than anyone i know. i mean i would probably walk by my predestined "one" and think did that guy spill mustard on his shirt...yeah thats mustard. and walk away. thats probably what i would do.

so i have put some thought into why people might like the idea of fate or the "one". this has a mormon twist. here is the deal with mormons. they believe in a preexistence, existence, and then eternal life with four different eternal options. the whole thing is connected. or something.



anyway, i think that people like the idea of a "one" that they knew in the preexistence who they meet on earth and marry and then they get to spend forever with. its nice. its like everything is tied together. people find comfort in patterns. thats why there is so much repetition in the church. we use the same sacramental and baptismal prayers as the Nephites. its the tying of the past present and the future. and thats why people probably like the idea of a "one" in mormondom. i dont know why or if gentiles like the "one".

speaking of nephites that reminds me that in the above-fore mention church that many single women comfort themselves by saying if they dont get married and find the "one" in this life they are totally going to get hooked up with Nephite or a stripling warrior (who i am pretty sure were actually Lamanites). i find no comfort in an eternal future with a dead guy (warrior status or not) if that means i die a virgin. but i am impressed with anyone that finds comfort in anything in that kind of situation.

i've got to close praiseland down...

people always say stuff like "i knew so and so was my spouse when we met" or "i just KNEW" or "after our first day i knew we would get married." i sort of dont buy it. i think people say that alot and they dont get married and then just by chance they end up marrying someone they said that about. its just dumb luck. there are probably like five people alive where they somehow knew (maybe God...probably God).

i know i have dated boys where i thought "i think we are going to get married" or i have told friends i thought they were dating the "one. also " i just really like to say the "one." are you dating the "one"? how is the "one" doing? how did you know they were the "one"? i am glad you found the "one." do you and the "one" want to go to a movie tomorrow? once you start saying it you dont want to stop.

but as it turns out i remembered i have a gift of determining the "one". colls reminded me of my gift. i KNOW when people will get married. but it only happens after i listen to their talks in church and so far has only worked with my current roommates. and it has only happened one and a half times. but thats enough for me to think its legitimate.

it happened the first time in london. after this kid gave his talk i FELT that he would marry my roommate lou. i told her about how she would marry him but she fought the idea at first. finally six months later they started to date and they married. years later in my ward in st. george after brother #1's talk i FELT like he would marry my roommate colls. but she was like noooooo he is going on a mission nooooo brother #2 is older and more attractive noooooooo i just really like his testimony (actually he gave an amazing talk) nooooo he is too young etc etc. i of course thought whatever you will get married. i have my gift. oh guess who are just now realizing they are in love...brother #1 and colls.

on an unrelated note my roommate in london husband asked her out on their first date with balloons. he went to her flat and left balloons and a note. she was supposed to let a yellow one go out the window for yes, red for maybe and blue for no. while he waited patiently in the garden for his date answer. i always wonder what he would have done with the red balloon. i dont think he should have given her the red option. thats just my advice if anyone else is thinking of using the balloon-date-asking tactic.