sweep it under the rug and hope for the best

i saw lake of fire last week at the tower. it's a complicated documentary about abortion. it's visually interesting (or at least unsettling), approaches the issue of abortion from all sorts of perspectives, focuses on the reasons for the politicization of the issue and challenges your position on abortion regardless of what that position is. fight, my roommate, asked if it would be a good first-date movie. we decided it would be as long as he pretended he didn't know the movie was about abortion.

what do any of you think?

imagine you where asked out for a first date and the guy is like, "i heard about this documentary that supposed to be really good. i'm not sure what it's about but my roommate said it's definitely worth seeing." then you go to the movie and it turns out to be about abortion. then after the movie is over, the guy's like, "i was just kidding about not knowing what the movie was about, but i thought it would be a good icebreaker for our conversation after the movie." would you want to go on another date with this guy?

(p.s. the movie shows two abortions but the guy is charming and funny.)

settling to settle down

i've been thinking a lot about settling lately. not in the sense that i'm thinking about doing it. just the concept.

i've found that the older i've gotten and the more i've gotten to know myself and determine the things in life that are important to me, my "deal breakers" have changed. or disappeared. something that was a deal breaker for me 5 years ago is something i don't even think about anymore.

but here's the thing....where is the line drawn between losing deal breakers and settling? if we are in a relationship with someone, and there are red flags and deal breakers, do we just tell ourselves that things aren't deal breakers because we are in love and it hurts too bad to think about things ending? maybe everyone who settles has just convinced themselves that they have matured, or become more open-minded or accepting and that their deal breakers have changed, when in reality they still care deeply about those things but assume that in the long run it will work itself out. and then i just think in the long run you discover that they didn't work themselves out and those things were important to you and now you are unhappy. or not necessarily unhappy but unfulfilled.

that's what i am starting to think anyway.

i am not going to say i dont believe in evolution just so i can be friends with robyn

i generally encourage relationships. generally. there are always the unhealthy ones i frown upon. but relationships end right. well some end. the majority end. so i guess i am wondering the morality behind actively trying to break up a couple. is it wrong to facilitate the process? is it more wrong when you want to date the person you are trying to break up. it seems wrong. but it doesnt stop me from doing it on the occasion.

such an occasion arose last weekend when my friend came into town. his family hates his girlfriend. as do i. but really only because they are dating and not because i have ever met her or know any personality traits that are worthy of my dislike. so his brother in an attempt to get rid of the (non)offending gf once and for all asked me to seduce his brother. i said creepy and sure. however, my seduction skills were promptly called into question. i am awkward and unsmooth and uncomfortable with touch(ing)(people i havent touched before)(regardless if i like them). i blame it on being skinny. skinny people have a harder time with smooth movements and coordination and circulation. anyway i said i would attempt a seduction, even if it was uncomfortable--for the greater good.

actually the conversation went like this:

friend: we hate my brother's gf
natali: seriously how are they still (living) together.
friend: maybe you could seduce him and they would break up
natali: i am not against this idea
friend: too bad you really shitty at seducing
natali: jerkface. how would you know?
friend: you are really awkward
natali: true but if i put my mind to it i think i get push past it get the job done
friend: we are screwed
natali: well maybe just your brother (get it screwed?)

so said brother and i hung out all weekend and i tried to sabatoge his relationship. he is interviewing for a job in utah but his gf doesnt want to move here. i told him he would love salt lake. i said the word fun a lot. i have no business using that word so freely. i also planted lots of seeds of doubt surrounding his current relationship. so there was that. and then on the 38th time of saying he should just move to slc he told me what was the point i would just get married the second he moved here. that is probably when i promised i would not get married. lie. i probably will. i actually thought i would right before he moved here. that is just the kind of timing i see myself having.

as for the actual seduction i mostly just gave him a prolonged hug. and told him i might have cancer (sexy i know) and he said if i DID he would come back to see me. i thought that was really nice. so maybe i will fake cancer. which i already know to be immoral so i wont debate it.