Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Skanksgining!

Since the declaration of the untimely death of this blog, I have felt encouraged to write and entry. Seeing how nobody is reading this blog at the moment I am somewhat compelled to write a more sentimental entry. Given that it is THANKSgiving I wanted to list some of the things that I am thankful for learning from both this blog and from my time during modern, serious dating.

From the blog.

1. I am thankful I learned that no matter how you feel about that significant other that you are dating you should never, never, never comment about it on the blog. In spring 2007 I wrote an article about another who I had been recreationally kissing with. I made an open criticism about my teammate and it came back to haunt me in the form of text message informing me to F#$@ off.

That same season I made a another comment about how I had gone on a second date with another girl (yes I was a man-whore) and had totally dropped the ball. She found the entry less than a day after I wrote it. Luckily she had a good sense of humor and found it somewhat endearing. She went on to marry me and spend over $200 on decorative pillows, I still love her.

These two episodes have different endings but have emphatically taught me that you must always, always, ALWAYS keep your criticisms about dating to yourself!

2. I am thankful for Natalie's entry a few years back about the third party consultant. I can't explain this any better than she could, but it was so true to life that I decided to wait two weeks after I was dating Dr. Girlfriend to pray if I should marry her.

3. Finally I am thankful that this blog has sparked so many discussions between Madame Spouse (the former Dr. Girlfriend) and I about her dating life. Because she has had some amazing experiences with in her dating life that have provided me with hours upon hours of gleeful entertainment as she regales me with story after story of the dudes she used to date (all the time knowing she married the biggest doofess of all.)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

being practically 31 and still single, you can imagine that i have had my share of dating experiences. regardless of the age, the guy, where you are in life, etc., i think one major constant in the process is that you are going to go to your friends for advice, support and encouragement.

i'm sure most of the contributers to this blog (and likely the readers too) have had some crazy experiences while out in the dating world, and it's likely that you immediately go to your friends to tell them about it, vent about things, ask for advice, look for comfort, etc. i think it's great. even if i don't always take the advice of my friends (and they don't always take mine), what would i do without it? i love having people in my life that i can share all of these crazy happenings with. i think that's one big reason we even have friends in our share life with!

people who live in or have ever lived in the dating universe are going to have a lot of common experiences. but the great thing is that we also have different experiences and can therefore try to learn from each other.

anyway, my point in all this is that i have gotten some great advice from my friends over the years. some of it i have taken and some i haven't, but i either way, i have loved getting it. but i must say, my favorite bit of advice i've gotten from a friend this year was this:
i know he's probably harmless and he's a good friend of several of your/our friends, but i get a VERY weird, almost dangerous vibe from him. and not in, like, a sexy way. do you? i don't know... it seems like you could be exchanging harmless texts with him one day... and then next day, he's standing outside your front door naked and bloodied, holding a sign that says "NONE SHALL COME BEFORE THEE." And that sign is on fire.

Monday, October 13, 2008


first dates are the toughest, generally speaking. and the toughest thing about first dates is having things to talk about.

i heard that making a list of questions to ask your date is a good idea. just write down a series of questions on a piece of paper or notecard. it's preferable if you pull out the actual list of questions while on the date. this lets your date know that you're taking this date seriously (which is different than wanting to seriously date).

the only real question is what questions do you include on the list?

for instance, i realized the population bottleneck crisis is threatening the survival of most of the world. and i'm not just talking about humans, but significant amounts of animal, plant and microbial life too. so i have strong feelings against having biological children. i'm totally for adoption (even though some people i know try to say that adoption isn't realistic in any situation ever), but would be against fathering biological children in most circumstances. so, should i include in my first date questionnaire a question about feelings regarding the ethical problems in having biological children?

also, i would suggest that each first date should have it's own list of questions.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Every breath you take...

just yesterday i was asking brian if he thought the dating blog was dead and he said i dont think its dead and i said but it might be and then my friend tanya submitted a guest post. maybe its a sign. either way i always enjoy a nice post that reminds me of how much fun dating can be.

During my short stretch in Provo a boy who lived in SLC told me that every girl in Provo thinks she has a stalker… He said that secretly the girls exaggerate harmless crushes because they lack excitement in their lives and want to think someone would be crazy enough to be obsessed with them… I said I felt left out because I never experienced what every other girl in Provo had… I wanted a stalker of my very own… I asked him if he would stalk me just to be nice. He said no… rude.

But… I kind of felt stalked recently… or not really… maybe??? Who knows? I don't know why I felt so left out back in P town… Being stalked to the extent that SLC boy said every girl in P-town is stalked is not that exciting… it is not flattering… it is just nothing… it is just sitting at a party and looking up to see someone giving me an empty subjective stare… the kind of stare that penetrates the crowd and window between… the stare that you only catch if you look up right in the moment when because of the way other peoples reflections on the window allow you to see the stalker instead of your own reflection… p.s. when I say words like you I mean me…

I actually doubt it really constitutes as stalking… more like plain old school staring… but the stare is totally a stalker stare… like I said… empty and objectifying… weird and sad… I guess it was something enough for me to write this… but the truth is… I have thought about it… and not because of any of the normal reasons … not that I know what exactly a normal reason for giving attention to a stalker is…it is because I feel sorry for my stalker… that's all…

I guess for the record he isn't a very thorough stalker… he will probably never read this… look in my windows or leave me breathy phone messages…none of the exciting stalker stuff…I think he is kind of a lazy opportunist stalker… ho-hum… just that empty stare… but... again… can it really be stalking if the only time I am the recipient of this stare is when there is nothing better to stalker stare at…

I guess I still long for my own personal P-town stalker… let me know if you or anyone you know is interested…

Thursday, September 11, 2008

in the air

we have another MSDID engagement to announce!

oh wait sorry this picture is the one i wanted.

congrats L & L!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

daily transaction report

i have a suspicion that natali stole the privatizing marriage idea from me.

(i misspelled suspicion and privatizing, but thanks to spellcheck, no one will ever know unless they read my parenthetical remarks. i also just misspelled parenthetical and may be using the word wrong.)

i say stole because i'm always talking about how stupid it is that the state would need to sanction marriage.

but stole isnt the right word because ideas exist independent of people. maybe. it's complicated. ideas are more like viruses that infect people and cultures and institutions. but whatever.

here's what i've been thinking about lately:
why not extend this privatization to dating?

(i misspelled privatization again.)

here's how it works:
anytime you start dating, or possibly even talking to, anyone, work out a contract. something like we agree to date for three months, split the charges on any and all dates, limit our physical contact to such and such, spend this much time together, ect. then, at the end of the contract period you can either renew the contract, create a more "serious" contract (or a contract reflecting more serious dating) or breakup. that way if it's not really working out you only have to stay in it til the end of the contract. you can also work out penalties for failing to live up to the terms of the contract. and if you can't work out a dating contract with your potential partner, you probably shouldnt be dating anyway.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

bobby is getting bloated

my ward crush announced his engagement today to this girl in our ward. i guess i will stop praying they will break up now. my please make the blond adrien brody look a like in my ward break up with his girlfriend prayers were getting a little pathetic anyway.

which brings me to proposition 8. i personally am against it. mostly because i am for gay marriage and against referendums. it seems like there is mob/bully mentality behind them. and no one has been able to explain why we elect representatives but still allow the entire electorate vote on specific issues. i wish i had paid more attention in school. or i wish our government made more sense. one of those two things.

moving on the answer of course is privatization of marriage. the idea is explained in detail HERE. basically, all marriages would be contracts not requiring state sanction (so we dont even have to go into the civil rights/morality argument which im sure no one enjoys). everyone would tailor their marriage contracts to suit their needs. the contract would describe expectations and how assets are treated. it would make divorce a less traumatic experience. religions could still sanction marriages as they saw fit. and this wouldnt just benefit gays but women and children who are often the victims of no fault divorce and poor marriage (exit) planning. it would also put singles and married people on equal footing. privatization. think about it.

oh yeah and the cute photographer is married too.

Friday, August 15, 2008

baby seems we never ever agree, you like the movies and i like t.v.

a new study shows that women on birth control might not be attracted to the best people for them.
Major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes are involved in immune response and other functions, and the best mates are those that have different MHC smells than you. The new study reveals, however, that when women are on the pill they prefer guys with matching MHC odors.
it goes on to say that the pill causes a woman to be pregnant, hormonally, thus basically putting her in a "post-mating" state.

gaaa--freaking--rate! not only am i 30 and dropping off the deceased members of what's left of my egg family monthly, now i can't even sniff out the right man because i want shorter, lighter periods, and better skin!?

in all seriousness, we all learned from
paula and the cool cat years ago that opposites attract, so we shouldn't be too surprised to learn that. i guess we are now left to decide which is more important to us: a satisfying relationship with less wandering eyes and offspring who are more fit, or better skin, less monthly emotional imbalance and milder cramps (oh. and pregnancy. sometimes i forget people are having sex).

i'm leaning towards the latter, but i'll get back to you.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

i'm stickin with you

so my friend skrittle is getting married. for a while, fight and i have been thinking about pursuing a career in wedding planning. we've got a lot of great ideas. here's the idea we pitched to skrittle and his soon-to-be-wife (an idea they immediately shot down):

typical wedding set up. friends of the bride on one side, friends of the groom on the other. the wedding music plays and the bride walks down the aisle just like normal. but wait. where is the minister? he's not there. who's going to perform the ceremony? this is a disaster. then a video screen appears. it's the minister on his scooter (the minister is our friend poland jones who is authorized to legally marry people). "i better hurry. i'm going to be late," he says. he's weaving in and out of traffic. then he crashes. he digs himself out of the rubble and start running. "i cant be late for this wedding!" then someone starts shooting at him. the bullets are wizzing by. he's finally shot. there's blood everywhere. the video fades to black. then, all of the sudden, the minister jumps out from behind a curtain. "i barely made it. this must mean it's really true love." applause breaks out. the ceremony is performed. a total success. a wedding none will ever forget.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

my moon, no man

this is a guest post from my frances. she is cool.

a week or so ago, elliot and i took a nighttime walk along the flat streets and struck up a conversation about the moon. elliot, you see, is a little freaked out by the moon, because the presence of the moon in our sky means the sun is shining somewhere else in the world where we can't see it, but we believe that it exists there nonetheless.

the only time i am freaked out by the moon, i told him, is when i can see the moon and the sun at the same time, in the same sky. there is something about that phenomenon that feels distinctly not right to me, i said. like the sun and the moon don't belong together or something.

elliot pounced. obviously, he said, you have some sort of subconscious angst related to gender relation, as the sun and moon are strong symbols of the masculine and feminine, respectively. uh-oh.

him: maybe you have a subconscious adherence to traditional gender roles, and you think men and women don't belong in the same sphere.
me: not likely.
him: no. not likely at all.


him: maybe you don't want to exist in the same sphere as men. you want to rule the sphere on your own.
me: more likely.
him: yeah, yeah.


me: or maybe i just don't quite understand how men and women can exist in the same sphere, happily and balanced. it is not that i don't believe it can be done. i see it done, and done well, around me all the time. but i still don't quite get it.
him: yeah, yeah.

it is this last assessment, i believe, that is the truth. or, at least, my truth.

now first, let me be very clear in saying that in no way does any of this mean that i am opposed to women and men coexisting. i am, in fact, very staunchly in favor. maybe my general confusion about the workings of male-female relationships stems from the fact that i can barely make it to a second date, let alone a lifetime commitment. but i do think there is something magical, mysterious and miraculous about two people deciding to spend forever together, something that cannot be understood from the outside.

i mention all of this because i leave in a few hours for portland, where sallee will become a mathews and enter forever the marriage vortex. again, not a bad thing. a good thing, in fact. a wonderful, happy, appropriate, joyful thing for which i am glad. but again, i just don't get it.

intellectually, of course, i understand. i have heard all the stories, the experiences, the processes. you ask questions and you get answers. you have concerns and they get addressed, or become less important. you think. you talk. you try. you pray. and then. you know. or rather, you know enough to take the next step. to make the choice.

emotionally though, spiritually even, it is still difficult (for me, at least) to understand how one might know. you just know? and that's it? because there has been at least one time in my life when i thought i knew something about this sort of thing and it turned out that i was, in fact, wrong. or, maybe more accurately, i came to know something different from what i thought i knew. and it was painful and hard.

it is also hard, i have come to believe, to watch people do things you don't understand, even when those things are very, very good. and it is, probably selfishly so, especially hard when those things involve a change in someone's life that changes your life, too. but, after my own thinking, trying and praying, i have learned this one, very important thing. i don't need to understand how it works for someone else. i don't need to understand how it works for someone else in order to rejoice when they rejoice, and i don't need to understand how it works for someone else in order to believe that it will work out someday for me, too. and, most importantly, the way that it works out for me is going to be just as strange and mysterious and difficult to understand for everyone else outside of my sphere, my sky.

and so i feel, at last, at peace. a little sad, of course. the bittersweet kind of happysad that always accompanies an occasion, and a revelation, of this sort. but, i am also most pleased to offer my joy and congratulations to the soon-to-be mr. and mrs. mathews. may your sky always be full of beauty, balance and love.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

mountin time

today when i was melting in lay out park (a park where i go to lay out) i looked down at my towel i remembered how much i liked it. i got it in italy. its always kind of embarrassing saying things like i got it in italy. here is a story about what i didnt get in italy.

in my grad program there was a really really good looking guy. i threw in the extra really because he deserves it. he was pretty nice too. so back in the day i was doing an externship in london and i found out he was going to be in italy doing an externship at the exact same time i was planning on vacationing there. and so i did perhaps the third bravest thing i have ever done and emailed him to see if he wanted to hang out in florence. he emailed me back a fairly enthusiastic yes and his phone number and i was supposed to call him as soon as i got there.

so for the next two weeks i had my friend give me my odds of hooking up with this guy in florence (i like statistics) and how italy seemed (from every chick flick ive ever seen) the perfect back drop for such a thing to happen.

anyway i got to italy and called him and his roommate said that he was in zurich and i was pretty confused by this answer and said is that in italy? the roommate said no its in switzerland. so i hung up and cursed his name because i packed so many clothes because i wanted to make sure i had lots of options to increase my odds of getting kissed. i hauled around half my wardrobe for a week during the hottest summer in italian history (not true). anyway its a great towel.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

i hear brian is pregnant...

hey speaking of marriage i wanted to congratulate the blog contributors who recently got married! jefe and dr. girlfriend got married last month and reno and dave last weekend.

incidentally this is what falling in love looks like.

and this is what the elbow of a really cute photographer looks like.

Friday, June 27, 2008

it's a free country; you can post whatever you want

at least that's what i heard. so i'm going to do it: i'm going to post whatever i want.
starting with this conversation i overheard:

(ps, i made up all the names to hide identities)
(pss, i think this is actually a poem; you can tell because of the elizabeth barrett browning reference)

browning: man, i think you're the one who wants to marry him
natasha: haha, i dont
b: i wasnt calling you man either
n: actually, there are probably enough things about him why any reasonable
person might not want to marry him
they have been dating on and off for like 4 years
at this point i say just go for it
because you obviously arent breaking up
b: or not get married
and just keep dating
since marriages dont matter,
n: no,
marriages matter, but they are just dating and its a mess
b: marriages dont matter; they could move in together
i mean, i guess if they want to be married in the temple, then marriage makes sense
n: i think a fair statement is marriages dont matter to you
for 95% of the population they still kind of matter
b: that's way too high of a percentage
n: im not sure
seems like everyone is doing it
or does it at least once
even if people dont do it
doesnt mean it doesnt matter to them
b: even if people do get married, it doesnt mean that marriage matters to them
n: that's such a stupid thing to say, idiot
because for some reason they got married
so maybe it mattered to whoever they married so therefore it mattered to them
b: maybe they felt pressured into it
or they were trying to scam them
or they just did it for the money
or they got pregnant
so maybe it matters
but not in the same way you're trying to state that it matters
and it really hurts my feelings when you call me an idiot
n: what about if i called you retarded instead? because you seriously are most of the time
i didnt state the reasons behind it mattering
i just said it did
and you said it didnt
most poeple get married
thats all i was saying
b: not most people
you gotta remember that there's an entire world outside of the us
n: whatever
you dont want to get married, i get it
but i dont think you can make this argument that it doesnt matter
and that everyone hates their marriages
b: well,
i'm not
i'm saying that it doesn't matter in a way
there are other valid ways to establish a committed relationship
marriage is one of the ways
but it comes with it's own set of assumptions that can cause problems
n: so perhaps you could just say you dont want to get married
and you dont think you need to
because it causes problems
b: but my entire point is is that mary and my cousin look a like dont need to get married either
but they can if they want to
n: whatever
you are impossible sometimes
b: whatever

Saturday, June 14, 2008

associations. a song. a restaurant. a piece of art. a smell. a place. even a simple word. they can all remind us of a person. associations can come with any person--boyfriends, girlfriends, family, friends, or even a time-period in general. but since this is the dating blog, i'll focus on things we associate with people we've dated.

associations are tricky. they can be one of the best things about relationships and one of the worst depending on the situation.

you are dating someone. you really care about them a lot. you do fun things together. you like each other. you go places together. maybe you need each other. you laugh a lot together. you are great friends. you have mind-blowing makeouts. you invest significant time in each other. obviously you'll have things you associate with each other, or with the times you spent together.

so things end. and it's pretty sad. but it's amicable. the wound is still tender, but you remember them and the experience with fondness.

you hear a song that reminds you of them. you get a knot in your stomach, and goosebumps on your arms. *sigh* (good sigh). you think of that person. and you smile.

you eat at a restaurant that was your favorite for the first time with someone other than them. you get a knot in your stomach, and goosebumps on your arms. *sigh*. you think of that person, and you smile.

you smell their cologne or perfume on a random passerby and are immediately transported back to a moment of cuddling in bed watching a movie, or an especially memorable makeout. or maybe just hugging them in general. you get a knot in your stomach, and goosebumps on your arms. *sigh*. you think of that person. you smile (and let's be honest, you tear up).

but then let's say a few months later you find out something about them that completely changes the way you view them or your entire relationship in general. suddenly those exact same associations are like poison (or a sledgehammer in your face.)

you hear a song that reminds you of the other. you feel like you've been punched in the stomach. you get shivers down your spine. *sigh* (the "i'm about to break down sigh). you think of that person. and skip to the next song.

you eat at a restaurant that was your favorite for the first time with someone other than them. you feel like you've been...oh COME ON! we all know you're not going to that restaurant for a while.

you smell their cologne or perfume on a random passerby and are immediately transported back to a moment of cuddling in bed watching a movie, or an especially memorable makeout. or maybe just hugging them in general. you feel like you've been punched in the stomach. you get shivers down your spine. *sigh*. you think of that person. you throw up in your mouth (or maybe you burst into tears in the middle of the isle at walmart).

the good news is that we have the ability to brain wash ourselves! after the mourning period, when you are finally ready to let them go and move on to something or someone else, you can condition yourself to associate things differently. sure, it might be a little rough starting out, but if you listen to those songs enough, you'll start to associate them with the present, not the past. if you go to that restaurant enough, you'll have new memories there.

hell no! you are not taking away my favorite songs!

hell no! you aren't keeping me from one of my favorite restaurants!

i'm not wonder woman people. i can't help you with the perfume/cologne thing.

Friday, June 06, 2008

im taking this moment to tell you im not traditional

i recently remembered i hadnt really broken up with someone i dated last year which sparked this IM conversation:

me: did we ever break up?
boy: oh wait i dont know if we did...
me: its over. and i cheated on you.
boy: i forgive you.

and that is the best break up i have ever had.

Monday, May 26, 2008

How to Land a One-Night Stand

This article is contributed by Heather Johnson, who regularly writes on the topic of best dating websites. She invites your questions and writing job opportunities at her personal email address: heatherjohnson2323 at gmail dot com.

If you’re in the position where you’re not looking to settle down for a long-term relationship and just want to have some fun then you’re looking to score tonight. This is much easier said then done. You can have a game plan before you go out for the night, but when push comes to shove most of us flake out. Confidence is the obvious key, but this isn’t something you acquire overnight. Here are five tips for the rest of us to consider the next time we need to get some:

1. Avoid the bar scene. Going out to bars is just like going to a meat market. It’s a ton of guys looking at the same three girls. Your odds are horrible. Weddings are excellent places to pick up a one-night stand. There’s something about seeing two people exchanging vows and expressing how in love they are that gets us all going. Combine that with an open bar and you’ve got a great mix. You’re going to be around girls that you don’t know and in a setting you’ve probably never been in before.

2. Keep an eye out for the signals. It’s easy to spot the girls that are out with the same thing on their mind. They’re going to be the ones on the dance floor laughing all night long. They’re looking around to see who makes eye contact. They’re at the bar getting crazy drinks. These uninhibited souls are your best chance to make a connection

3. Follow her lead. The girl that will go home with you tonight is going to take charge. Ditch your lame pickup lines. Stick with something as simple as just introducing yourself. She’ll judge you from your looks if it’s a one-night stand. This doesn’t mean you don’t stand a chance if you’re not Brad Pitt. Just a good smile and a confident look will get you far.

4. Be up front about your expectations. This doesn’t mean you have to state your sexual intentions, but make it clear you’re not looking for a serious girlfriend. If you don’t make this apparent, then she may start falling for you before you even get back to your place.

5. You’re in when you’re out. You’ll know you have it locked up when she agrees to go to another bar, preferably a smaller, darker locale. Once you’ve left the loud, annoying, singles bar you’re in a spot where you can make your move. Lean in for the first kiss once you’ve ordered the round. Your chances are good that she’ll kiss back and then it’s just a matter of how far away your place is.

Friday, May 16, 2008

a cop shot some boys and girls

i've never been so nervous writing a blog before in my life.
someones i know gave a book -- a certain dating book -- to someone else i know for his birthday.
i have sufficiently hid everyone's identity.
but that's not why i wrote that i'm nervous earlier. i mean, i really am nervous. still nervous even after hiding the identities of certain people that i know.
none of this stuff is important to the story. except the nervousness. but that's only important because it's supposed to be an excuse for how the story is written.
so the book is called something like mars and venus on a date. it's a sequel to the highly successful best seller in over forty languages men are from mars, women are from venus. a bestseller in over forty languages. that's something else. that means this guy has figured out dating.
i didn't google that best seller in over forty languages bit. i read it in the first chapter of mars and venus on a date. the forty languages may be wrong: but honestly, the first ten pages of venus and mars on a date are a commercial for men are from mars, women are from venus the book and seminars. and then the next five pages are simply different strategies for getting your significant other to read either this book or men are from mars, women are from venus or, preferably, both. specifically, it's advice for women to get their boyfriends, husbands or potential boyfriends/husbands to read these books. for whatever reason, men are less likely to read these books or attend the previously mentioned seminars. this is, according to the author, because men need to know that the books and seminars are "man friendly," whatever that means. so after multiple pages of advice on how to get the man in your life to read these books -- guilt, peer pressure, ect -- the author (i'm not gonna try to find his name) tells us that these same techniques can work equally as well for men trying to get the women in their lives' to read these books. and i thought the entire premise of the books were that men and women are different. and you can draw your own conclusions on why half of the first chapter is about how women can get men to purchase and read these books.
i don't necessarily disagree with the premise of this book. men and women are different. i mean, we're all human, but men and women have different organs, different hormones, different chemical reactions which may lead to different brain development, different socialization process and so on and so on. there seems to be biological differences between sexes in the same species all over the world. like there are these fish in the bottom of the ocean. the female is like a normal sized fish. the male is maybe 1/5 her size. when they mate, the male attaches himself to the female for life. all he does is stay attached and sends sperm, or this fish's equivalent, into the female while receiving nutrients from the food the female eats. this in a pretty far out example, but the point is that males and females within a species follow somewhat different evolutionary trajectories. they're different. but not so different that mating becomes impossible. that doesn't make any sense.
mars and venus on a date, however, isn't talking about these biological or neurological differences in human females and males. this book is interested in making money off of lonely people by exploiting their loneliness and isolation. and most of us are lonely some of the time. and that's my problem with this book. it promises that true love is just around the corner if you simply shell out that cash for this book and this seminar and this dating service when their ideal of true love or happy ever after (a phrase used at least five times in the first chapter) is totally unrealistic. in other words, this books reinforces unrealistic expectations about love and dating and relationships that creates anxiety about our own relationships (or lack there off) and then preys on this insecurity by offering solutions for a price.
that's offensive to me.
so i stopped reading the book. but here's something else i learned: if you're a girl on a date (or possibly a boy on a date with another boy) and your date opens the car door for you, you're not supposed to reach over and unlock the door for him if you want him to still be interested in you. that doesn't make any sense, even after reading the five pages the authors spends to explain why it matters.
i dont know why i was so nervous when i began this post.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


this is an anonymous guest post submitted by someone's friend. i think it might be about drugs. maybe its about being in love on drugs. or loving drugs. you be the judge.

I think we all fear it. that's part of the package actually. it wouldn't be worth as much if we didn't fear it. here's are my thoughts on why. sometimes, love is intoxicating. Sometimes it winds around inside you, filling up every vacant space you have until it actually becomes the only thing keeping you from breaking into a million tiny pieces. it gets into your veins and does things to you that no drug in the world could ever mimic. It makes things taste and feel and smell different. but then sometimes love takes. It takes and takes and takes until you are weak and pale and starving to death. Sometimes it makes you want to scream obscenities into that great black hole of a sky, scream until you run out of both words and breath. it ruins. it creates. it satisfies. it persuades. it ignores. it defines. and sometimes i think it steals things from you when you are not looking. I find it is always changing, shifting constantly from one shape to another so that you don't always recognize it when it's there. and then sometimes, softly and secretly and in the middle of the night, it disappears completely, vanishing without even so much as a goodbye note taped to the bathroom mirror. sometimes love wrestles you to the ground and sometimes it carries you through the most devastating storms. i think it is flawed and imperfect and entirely too powerful. sometimes love makes me angry. and trapped. sometimes it hurts. sometimes the hurt is good. sometimes it is the hero and sometimes the villain and sometimes it is only an innocent bystander. it is often unrequited and sometimes incomplete. there are times when it aches. times when the ache is so deep you can't find it until you sit absolutely still in a dark room. i think love is beautifully irrational, and painfully tender, and sometimes when it catches you with your walls down…completely and perfectly liberating.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

yes i am cocky enough to think everyone wants me

the parents were in town and brought their dog along. one morning, the dad and i were out walking around my complex with our dogs. now when you live in an apartment complex with a creature that needs to excrete every 2-3 hours, you start seeing the same people with similar creatures on a similar schedule. one of the people i would regularly see was this sleezy looking guy with a big lab and some sort of tiny weenie dog that you’re probably not even allowed to pet because you would crush his skull (which reminds me of this gem of a video). anyway, we’d always chat for a second while our dogs sniffed each other (gently as to not crush any skulls) – he’d talk about how he and his wife and new baby were moving out of the complex.

the day my dad was in town was the day this guy was moving out. i saw him on our walk and he started chatting with me. my dad was off a little way with his dog, so didn’t seem like he was really associated with me. i asked the guy if they needed any help and he responded, “not unless you want a sexual date?” i think i didn’t talk for a good half a minute or so trying to process what he said. finally, i asked – “what??” and he said it again “do you want a sexual date?” oh my gosh – i was so embarrassed. my dad was standing right there. how awful was this? “no thanks” i said and booked it home, not even waiting for my dad. when my dad came in, this was our conversation

me: i’m so sorry you had to hear that. some people are just scum bags.

dad: hear what?

me: oh… you didn’t hear what that guy asked me??

dad: wait… what do you think he asked you?

me: um….

dad: cause i heard something “sexual” the first time, but when he repeated it, he was just asking you if you wanted a sectional

me: oh… well my answer would have been the same

Monday, April 28, 2008

all in the family

i am going to present a scenario. please tell me if this is either normal/psycho/slightly creepy/promising/other....

i have a crush. i think it is a good thing. this does not happen very often. i have had this crush for about approximately 6 years. when i first developed the crush, this person was approximately 14 years old. hmm weird i know but hear me out. i really have not met anyone like him before. he is kind, sensitive, musical, outgoing, creative, and a leader. we have a strong connection. he is now 20. i am slightly older by almost a decade. (decades are over rated) oh and i guess the one element that people consider to be a big deal is that he is my cousin. my first cousin. when i meet guys, i think "oh he is lame. i would rather be hanging out with my cousin." i just found out he put a picture of us on his my space profile and i was happy. i was happy you guys. i am a weirdo. and so that is why i will be moving to kentucky.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

i h8 u

my sister just got broken up with via text message.

modern technology is one of my favorite things. when people ask what other era i would want to live in, i never have an answer because why in the world would i want to live sans google and youtube?

but modern technology also provides a lousy copout for break ups. i wonder sometimes if people back in the day were stronger because they had to muster up the courage to breakup with someone face-to-face since that was their only option. well that and courier pigeon i guess. then i wonder if maybe people weren’t stronger at all and maybe that’s why more people got married back then because they didn’t have the guts to break up face-to-face but didn’t have any other means to breakup (except courier pigeon but those can get pricey) so they just sucked it up and got married instead.

the point is, technological breakups suck. via text, via email, via voicemail. i have a friend whose boyfriend of at least half a year called her parents’ house phone, knowing nobody ever answers it, and broke up with her over their answering machine. her parents. she doesn’t even live with them. can you imagine getting that call from your dad? “uh, honey… your boyfriend thinks you’re too chubby so you’re broken up now.”

and that’s the other thing – over technology, you can say a lot more. no more of these gentle “it’s me not you” lines. now, people can really say what they mean. like “u smell like chkn fngrs. r u mad?”

another relationship copout is that you prayed about it and god told you it’s not right

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

sorry i'm late; some bikers tried to steal my jacket

i overheard this at the bus stop:

somebody: you know what i like about rubber soul? there's a different song for wherever you are in a relationship.
somebody else: you mean with a girl.
somebody: or a boy, but you have to change all the shes to hes. but baby you can drive my car is already gender neutral.

[for those of you that dont know or possibly forgot, rubber soul is a record by the beatles]

that sounds about right. i mean there is a song about daydream dating, a song about when your partner doesn't answer your phone calls, a song about being emotionally drained by a bad relationship, a song about communication problems, a song about how extreme jealously leads to violence and more. plus all the songs are super catchy.

this got me thinking about movies that maybe have more resonance based on your relationship status and i remembered my favorite movie about getting older and still being single: marty. feeling like you'll never meet anyone right for you? watch marty. is your mom always pressuring you to get married, but then whenever you start dating someone she doesn't think they're good enough for you? watch marty. do your friends not like who you're dating? watch marty. do you like movies that are good? watch marty. it's good.

but what about those of you already in a relationship, is there a movie you could be watching with your partner? a movie that you get on an emotional level regardless of where you are at in the relationship? i'd recommend scenes from a marriage. but you might break up after you watch it.

i'm also looking for your recommendations. (the you in the previous sentence refers to you reading this, unless that you is me because i already gave my suggestions.)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

a kinder, gentler vampirism

today i saw my friend cicada in the target parking lot. i had just barely answered my mom's phone call in an attempt to try and fulfill my better daughter goal which includes sometimes answering their calls. the conversation had gotten this far:

mom: please come visit so we can see you.
me: i just want to go home.
mom: please.
me: no thanks.
mom: pleassssse.
me: oh gotta go i see cicada.

at which point cicada pointed out there was bird shit in my hair. gross. cicada then asked if i was trying to send her brother love messages in my post title...and maybe this one. anyway i said no. maybe. no. he doesnt read it right? because this one could make things awkward between us. but whatever. i like him he can get over it.

last time he was in town we were in a coffee shop discussing the word "love" and saying it in relationships. he doesnt like saying the word. i probably have a higher comfort level than most but i dont really throw it around. i find myself in the minority in that i believe strongly that 1) it shouldnt matter if the other person says/or feels it back and 2) a boy shouldnt have to say it first. i have never quite understood why either of those things mattered. because if you love someone it doesnt change things if they love you back or not. love seems like one of those emotions that isnt contingent on what someone else feels. and who says it first shouldnt be dictated by gender. i have a suspicion that people started encouraging women to wait until men said the word because men should be in control of the relationship and the direction that it takes while women take a more submissive, passive role. but i dont know.

anyway. this was sort of how the conversation went.

richie: who really likes saying i love you.
me: but it doesnt really matter right. if you feel it you should say it.
richie: i just dont like saying it.
me: but its always nice to hear. or its generally nice to hear.
richie: i dont even think i know what love means.
me: whatever. you just need to get comfortable with the word. lets practice. tell me you love me.
richie: (longish pause) nat thats just really weird.
me: its fine just say it. come on. say it.
richie: (sipping his coffee nervously and squirming) no.

my love therapy totally failed. and how long was that bird shit in my hair? can i get a disease from that? i washed my hair 6 times using every brand of shampoo i have twice.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

my husband would never send me stuff this good

maybe i'm just still single, because if i change my status to "in a relationship" or heaven forbid "married" i might miss out on getting emails like the following.

Subject: hi
Message: Friends are a promise made in the heart.. Silent.. Unwritten.. Unbreakable by distance... Unchangeable by time. It's lovely to have u as one!
Message: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Message: I would like to be a new friend. Would u like to date with me, let me know.ready or not?
and my favorite...

Subject: 4 U
Message: My my where have you been all my existence? I can not believe that someone so profound has not come to the very embrace of my heart. I can not believe that someone so lovely has been so distant and not within the grasp of my caress. Can one know more about the marvelous you or does one have to engage classes to learn about someone so outstanding
why would i risk missing out on this? linkup, your plan to link me up has failed. backfired really.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

if your guess is as good as mine

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. Psalms 40:1

i like prayers. i wonder though if it is necessary to pray no less than 8 times in any given mormon church meeting. as far as i can tell nothing happens between sacrament and sunday school to warrant a prayer. unnecessary and recycled prayers seem to trivialize the experience. although, i am never quite sure what the experience should be like.

i actually quite like to pray. i like to thank God for things i suspect he has done for me or tell Him funny things about my day or complain about celibacy, etc. but i rarely pray for advice or guidance. and i think i know why. i dont like the concept of what i have heard called the "changing answer." i have heard of this concept most often linked to dating and marriage relationships more than anything else. the changing answer is a pretty self explanatory theory. people start to date and pray about each other and one (or both) of the people feels really good about it and then things go south and they dont know what to do because they felt like they received an answer to go forward. now they arent sure what to do because last time they prayed they felt good about it but now the relationship is terrible. if they are confused and ask someone about it people (leaders, bishops, etc) often say that answers change. or other scenario is that people date and pray about it, feel good, get married and three years later one of the spouses says something like this "i dont love you anymore," "turns out i am gay," or "here is the deal. i dont want to be married and i never really did."

now i understand that life circumstances change. people fall out of love. they develop mental illnesses or substance abuse problems that make relationships impossible. irreconcilable difference arise. abuse. etc. i dont mind that. thats just life. but is the point of praying and recieving answers so that we can have some sort of assurance or guarantee that what we are doing is going to work out? isnt that why we pray because we dont know so we thought we should ask someone that does? arent we asking because God knows who we are dating will eventually leave us (with three kids and a mortgage)? can God give us bad advice? there is always the chance i (or any of us) dont understand answers. but if that is the case what is the point in asking?

i dont know. but i dont like to ask God for guidance because if it turns out to be bad than i wont have any hard feelings against Him. thats why i keep boys out of our conversations all together. but dont worry i have plenty of others things to talk about. i tend to ramble. obviously.

Monday, March 24, 2008

bff to sister wife to bff

This weekend natali and I had a rollercoaster romance. We met and fell in love with our husband and shortly after all became disappointed with each other and fell out of love and broke up. It was a whirlwind to say the least.

Natali had a gift certificate to Ruby River from work. $50. Since we had spent much of the day together decorating cookies and making easter baskets, we thought we might as well make it a marathon date and go to dinner as well. Natali’s (work’s) treat. Sounds good to me. Little did we know we were about to fall in love….

You wouldn’t have thought it at first. Our waiter (mark) was cute enough. I don’t know about natali, but it wasn’t love at first sight for me. However, when mark opened his mouth and emitted an Aussie accent, we were both smitten. The feelings were mutual. It was my first polygamous relationship and I was in heaven. I started calling natali “sister wife”. It felt natural. She did the gay thing and dropped the “sister” when addressing me. Also natural.

We were debating on an appetizer. Because who doesn’t get them when a gift card is involved? We asked our new Aussie boyfriend Mark what his favorite appetizer was. He said it was the smoked trout and began describing it’s every goodness. Sourdough bread, cream cheese, capers, red onions…MTB!! That’s exactly what we were thinking about getting! that’s exactly what we were thinking about getting! we told mark. We were ready to take this relationship to the next level.

Shortly thereafter he brought it out to us and we dove right in. yum! BFAM (BF Aussie Mark) was right, this IS good! Did that last bite taste kind of like mold? Nahhh. Nat and I ate two full pieces of smoked trout on sourdough bread before we noticed the mold. There was kind of a lot. Actually, nat at 2.5 pieces. Two before we found the mold and .5 after. What can she say, it was good trout.

Um…excuse me, Aussie Mark? Um…there’s mold on this bread…Aussie Mark was shocked and embarrassed. He began to withdraw. He sent other people to deliver our food and when he came to bring us new waters he couldn’t even look us in the eye. But BFAM, we aren’t mad! Sure, we want to puke and we can’t stop laughing (and weezing if you’re natali), but we’re not mad! Please, give us another chance. But he couldn’t. He felt too much shame in recommending something so emphatically and making us eat mold. I guess I can’t blame him. I mean, he made us eat mold!

What a love affair.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

im not saying its an eternal truth he is a good lover

bexy and i hung out with some friends from ours from out of town (greg, nate and rob). because we are all mormon and single and over 24 the conversation naturally turned to relationships (failed), marriage, mormonism and refractory periods. greg said something that i have been thinking about lately--how day to day relationships are. before, in what i would like to call my younger, idealist years in which i thought people felt the same way about someone forever and that baggy plaid shirts were flattering on me i dont think i would have understood the day to day relationship concept without some sort of chart or visual aid. and once i understood it i wouldnt have believed it.

the problems in long term relationships (from what people tell me who are divorced and what i noticed on tv) is that people change and expectations arent met. change can be very scary. and sometimes when people change their partners get nervous and break up. change makes people very jumpy. unmet expectations are also boner killers. things rarely turn out how you expect it seems. this is what got me thinking about the day to day relationship. it seems like the most successful relationships, the ones that last (well), ironically are the ones that people view on a day to day basis. once you realize that people change and relationships change and circumstances change, the easier it is to cope with change overall and expectations are significantly reduced to a healthy level. and that makes it easier to stay in a relationship.

while i was writing this post i was watching witches of eastwick. its actually kind of an interesting movie about gender roles and drug use. my favorite part is when jack nicholson is seducing michelle pheiffer and michelle pheiffer is like are you going to seduce me? because i get pregnant really easily.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

blog writer blog, i mean block

Natali: we all are
blog writer blog
is what i meant to say
me: i like the first better
in fact, i no longer even believe it
what about you, what are your dating blog ideas
Natali: i have nothing
me: but we're supposed to be brainstorming
12:40 PM i think you want the dating blog to fail
Natali: i know i am trying
i really dont have any ideas
i wish i did
12:41 PM in fact i hate everything i have written on it
for the last three months
jefe and brooke might write about how they got engaged
which i thought was fun
12:42 PM me: i have an idea
what about if i posted parts of this chat
including the last line
12:43 PM (and possibly the last one, but this one seems like a stretch)
so the post is about how we have no interesting thoughts on dating
Natali: oh thats a good idea
me: we're onto post-dating
Natali: my friend just sent me this article

10 minutes
12:54 PM Natali: i just finished it. it was hella long
12:58 PM me: i'm not even half way through
i keep getting distracted by work
Natali: i was about to say i am such a faster reader
but you had that handy "work" excuse
me: i'm sure you're a fast work
1:00 PM reader
1:02 PM fast reader
Natali: fast that sexual
me: it could be
1:04 PM Natali: my apartment is a mess and i dont like it one bit
1:07 PM me: i finished it
but i'm going to go to lunch
maybe we should respond to the essay as dating posts

Monday, March 10, 2008

i'll tell you after we've sealed the deal

so, i was thinking about how random (and by that i mean miraculous) it is when two people fall in love and want to be together forever. i mean, there are a lot of pretty cool people out there, right? but that obviously isn’t going to guarantee any kind of match. i’m sure we all have male and female friends that we think are both awesome that dislike each other.

so anyway, i was thinking about the millions of dumb little things that drive people crazy. things that you’d probably accept if you found out about them AFTER you fell in love, but since you noticed them right off the bat, you never went out/hung out with that person again. OR…these same things that drive one person crazy might actually come across as endearing to someone else. at least i’m banking on that option.

here are things about me that probably fall into that category:

1. i bite my nails when i’m stressed/anxious/scared (i practically had to have my fingers surgically reattached after no country for old men)
2. i chew gum non-stop (i have an oral fixation). also i blow bubbles constantly
3. i make loud shivery noises when i first go out into the cold
4. i really love barry manilow
5. i’m pretty up-to-date on celebrity gossip. i’m kind of embarrassed about this one, actually.
6. i will describe the entire episode of “i shouldn’t be alive” to you, even if you might not want to hear about it.
7. sometimes i watch telemundo because i think the shows are funny. sure, hispanic game shows can’t rival japanese, but come on! have you seen their soap operas?
8. i will try to get you to eat korean food. in provo.
9. i talk really loudly when i get excited/mad/passionate about something
10. really loudly

there are plenty of things about other people that annoy me, but i won’t list those here.

one time in church, during a talk about dating, they (the teacher) mentioned trying to focus only on the good things about the person. or something like that. wait, maybe it was testimony meeting. was it a dating lesson? i don’t remember. usually when there are “dating lessons” in church i roll my eyes and wonder why i go to church ever (crap, could this be why i’m not married?). clearly, though, this thought has stuck with me and i’ve tried to be more open-minded about the giant plethora of idiots i’ve dated.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

it reminds me of satan in the book of job

no one has posted for awhile so i thought maybe i would give it a whirl. i am stuck at home with some sort of hacking cough so i might as well blog while i am trying to trick my friends into bringing me a slurpee (i like the following flavors: coke, mountain dew, mango tango tea, and anything with crystal lite).

today i think i had a date with my neighbor. i was outside sunning myself and trying not to wheeze (which took considerable effort) when a man standing outside on the sidewalk commented on the weather. i agreed it was nice. then he said something else about the weather. and i said something else about the weather. it went on like this for awhile. i wanted him to go away which made me think it was a date after all. then he came up and sat by me and started asking if lived by myself and other probing questions. normally, this is were i slip a ring onto my fourth finger but i wasnt wearing one. so we sat and chatted for what seemed like a really time but that might have just been the cold medication. anyway, i wasnt interested in my neighbor so i told him i had to go do laundry which was a lie but it seemed like i have to go take a nap was mean. but i didnt think we would go out again so i wasnt super worried.

also happy birthday ck! i hope you dont have the black lung.

Monday, February 18, 2008

i better learn to like purple

in case you’re on the market for a new main squeeze (i wish people would just get over themselves and still use the phrase “main squeeze”). this’ll tell you which celebrity is your perfect match. it also gives you an address, phone number and email so you can reach said match (i’m lying)

love machine

i always wondered if i might have a subconscious crush on prince. i guess this confirms it.

yes, he's short, he's freaky, and for years his name was a crazy unpronounceable symbol. still, your celebrity love match is one "sexy m.f." however, there's more to this talented pop royalty than meets the eye. he's a workaholic, a nightclub owner, a multi-instrumentalist (if you know what we mean). and he's not afraid to speak his mind (not just anyone would go around with "slave" written across his cheek). maybe he has "daddy" issues, but here's a guy not afraid to show his sensitive side. it's not just the doves that cry. ultimately, we hope you like purple because there's going to be a lot of it in your life.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

dating through the holidays

once a boy gave me a bed after our first date. i needed a bed so i took it. but then he started texting me everyday to find out what i was doing and who i was with. so naturally i kept the bed and stopped talking to him.

anyway sometimes i feel bad for boys when they ask me out. i think there was a time period of 8 months were i was pretty good at dating. but that was short lived. everything before that was an annoyance everything after awkward.

the first time a boy asked me out i didnt understand and i asked if my best friend could come. i think the last time a boy asked me out i said no. i have been doing this for 13 years and i think i am more confused about the process than i was at 16. but once a boy gave me a bed so i guess i cant complain.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

if you have been in striper world too long...

i wouldnt mind starting a dating service. i like to set people up. like just the other day i emailed my friend on facebook and said you should meet my other friend on facebook and you know LOVE EACH OTHER. but sadly no one has ever paid me to do it. so far this has only been voluntary and unsolicited and mildly annoying. anyway sometimes i accidentally watch the millionaire matchmaker. like right now.

patty is really good at setting people up. she is in love with love. but she only works with millionaires because she understands their love best. so i guess that niche has already been taken.

these are just some things i learned and/or were said in just one episode:
1)red heads just arent the freshest produce on the aisle.
2) you shouldnt sign people up if they are drunk
3) he is an ass guy an ass guy! (i believe patty said this after some guy said he wasnt in to double d boobs. way to decode guy speak patty).
4) activities i enjoy...steamy hot showers (the next time someone asks me what i like to do you can bet your bottom dollar steamy hot showers will come out of my mouth between hiking and crossword puzzles).
5) she had two girls who went to harvard and two who did strip aerobics. totally diversified population.
6) she is not the most comfortable around a pole.

i sort of blame the writers strike for the last 28 minutes of my life.

Friday, February 01, 2008

well why don't you just sit there holding hands and try figuring it out

here's what i like about twin peaks: it's a soap opera. actually there are numerous reasons i think twin peaks is easily the best television show ever, but the soap opera aspect seems applicable to the dating blog.

as a soap opera, twin peaks has more than it's fair share of tangled relationships. audrey is in love with agent cooper while cooper is still (emotionally) mourning the death of his past love whose death he was responsible for while james and donna's relationship begins to blossom after laura's death until laura's cousin maddie (who looks exactly like laura with dark hair) comes to town and james starts to fall for her until she's murdered so donna starts hanging out with harold until he commits suicide while bobby, who was also with laura before she was murdered, starts living with shelley when her abusive husband leo ends up in a coma. there's also the question of who's the father of lucy's unborn child, hank or dick? then you have big ed and norma's relationship which remains secret since both are trapped in loveless marriages with big ed's wife nadine having a strange kind of amnesia where she thinks she's 18 and in high school while norma is stuck with hank since he's a controlling, vindictive ex-con. and nadine, since she thinks she's 18 and goes to high school, starts dating mike who was with donna before laura was murdered. and that's only a fraction of the characters. in fact, even this chart doesn't document half the relationships in the show.

what you have is a giant web of loves, betrayals, seductions, friendships and misunderstandings that link every member of the community with every other member.

twin peaks isn't simply and exaggeration of real life, like the soap opera genre generally, but an exaggeration of the soap opera genre. but with this double exaggeration, there's something that still resonates. think of your friends, acquaintances and exes; then think about how they all know each other, dated each other, known friends of friends who dated, hold grudges against and so on. it's just like twin peaks, except not as many murders and your friends aren't near as funny. that's not a dis on your (my) friends; it's just impossible to be as funny as twin peaks. so quit wasting your netflix on boring tv and watch something that really has relations to your own life. or not. twin peaks may not be for everybody.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

cross pollinating

you know how sometimes you just wake up knowing it’s going to be a weird day? that was me today. i came into work to an email from my boss talking about how he’s wearing green underwear. and then i got an email from my rep at our ad agency. let’s say her name is lucy lee. our account director (aka her boss) is named bobby joe.

so her email comes from a different email address, AND a different domain name (ie – not sent from the ad agency) and her name is noted as lucy joe. so let me do the math for you. boss is married to employee. secretly. she's using her maiden name at her job and her married name places where she isn't sleeping with her boss. sorta explains why their work performance has really gone downhill lately – i guess their meetings aren’t that professionally productive. and all this time i thought he was gay.

makes me feel less bad about dating the boss of one of our partnering companies.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Commence Indignation

so i have been trying to get my friend cicada to guest blog for sometime. i think she said she would for sometime. at this point i am just going to take posts from her blog and guest post for her. i am not sure if that is illegal but i got permission from cicada and polly so i figure i am covered. anyway i think this post is probably about beer and breaking up.

I have a friend. We'll call her Polly.

Polly is one of my favorite people. She is kind, smart, pretty, friendly, fun, and dresses well. Really, it's a winning combination. If I were a guy, I'd date her.

Apparently not all guys think the way I think guys should think.

When I asked Polly about the guy she's been dating over the past month or so, she told me that they broke things off this weekend. I asked why. She said that he came over to visit her one evening and asked her where she thought things were going. She thought this was going to be a "good talk." Then he said that he had some concerns about her.

1) She's vain.

First of all, Polly is not what I would call a vain person. She is certainly pretty, and she does a great job of staying in shape and wearing fantastic clothes. But she's very down-to-earth. When she shared his first point with me, she said, "I only shop sales!!" She also pointed out that this conversation took place while she was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. She also said that on their first date, when he was talking about what he valued in women, he mentioned that his wife had to be beautiful. I don't think that you can be more beautiful and down-to-earth than Polly. This guy is crazy. (And I'm glad that the craziness came out this early so that they could break things off!)

2) She has a low standard for the company she keeps.

Polly is the only active LDS member of her family. A lot of her friends aren't members of the church. One thing that has always impressed me about Polly is her ability to accept people as they are. I think that it's admirable that she doesn't pass judgment on others just because they make different choices than she does. She doesn't let their actions influence her, either. She honors her beliefs. She also wants to date good members of the church and marry someone who has the same beliefs and lifestyle that she does. That sounds pretty grounded to me. This guy indicated that she should not allow anyone to practice anything that is not in line with her beliefs in front of her, and gave the example that if he is in a bar, he expects everyone to refrain from swearing and expects the bartender to not offer him any alcoholic beverage because the bartender needs to respect his beliefs.

I may add here that this guy is a beer delivery man. So while he's judging Polly for associating with people who drink, he's stocking the city with alcohol.

3) She works too much.

Polly works a full time job. She also does some freelance reporting on the side. In addition to that, she teaches a dance class and does volunteer work. To me, that all looks impressive. It shows an ability to manage time well (and since she's so happy all the time, you know that she's got some good balance in her life). To him, this kind of work ethic, initiative, and income is too much. And I guess in this point I must concede. I totally understand how a beer deliverer would be threatened by her accomplishments and success.

After bringing up all these issues, Polly said that she'd be willing to go 50-50 with him and try to reach a compromise (that may be Polly's only mistake in this whole thing because in my opinion, she should have kicked him out on the curb after he brought up his three concerns). He told her, "Your faults are my mountains and I will die on those mountains before I will ever compromise."

We can only hope that he finds some mountains to die on.

Monday, January 21, 2008

we made each other plenty happy

this movie may be offensive (it couples sexual innuendo with mormon art, architecture, etc.) so please watch (or dont watch) accordingly.

i tried to count the phallic and sexual symbols in this film but i lost count. followed by if this is turning into a music/dating blog clay pointed out the music in this short film is pretty sexy. i dont know if he was being sarcastic. (he said he wasnt). anyway this film might be offensive. but thats not why i posted it. its actually the ending to a long string of movies/tv programs i saw this weekend. they all had sex (and sexuality) themes. the movies, in order of how i viewed them goes as follows:

the first movie was about sex abuse trade of girls and women in a religious (mormon fundamentalist) community portraying the problems that arise in an isolated/patriarchal/ polygamous society. oh and how the first thing you do when you leave mormonism is to drink coffee. the second program was about the sex trade and how girls/women from foreign countries are brought to the US and forced into becoming strippers/prostitutes. the third program i watched was about three different transgendered individuals, their struggle with their sexual identity, and their ultimate sex change operations. the fourth, high fidelity, is about a thirty something man's unsatisfying relationships with women and his inability to commit. the fifth was about a mormon who realized he was gay, decided to remain faithful to the church, but no longer felt his homosexual feelings were a sin (i recommend watching the whole thing. if you feel like a good cry. he builds this huge house for the family he realizes he will never have). the six and last show...well you saw it. its about the conflicting sexual attitudes in a conservative religious community.

sex is a tricky thing. i mean i dont think the actual act but everything surrounding it seems complicated. from all the media i viewed this weekend sexual identity appears to be equally complicated. i cant decide if religion further complicates or clarifies the matter. in a way it does both. obviously religion can be used to facilitate sexual abuse and that is universally frowned upon. but less obvious is the negative attitudes regarding sex that arise (maybe encouraged?) because of religion. i think i understand the origin of the problem. its hard to have a message of abstinence and the sacredness of sex but also talk about sex openly and positively. its hard to have a message of traditional families are the key to salvation but its ok to be gay. hell its even harder to say that gender is eternal but you were born gay (or the wrong gender). its hard to say something is God given and natural but should ONLY be expressed if you are married. its hard to say women should be pure and chaste but are actually sexual beings with sexual impulses and capable of having orgasms (multiple). its hard to say sex is primarily for having kids (so we encourage the kind that results in babies) but its important to have sex to express love (and nothing says i care like giving a bj).

i dont know how to make to sex more positive in religion while still emphasizing its significance. because it is. significant. i dont know how religion can be more accepting of sexual identity and give people the dignity of sexual identification and labeling. i dont know how to promote positive feelings about sex while encouraging celibacy until you are married. i dont know how to say you are an adult but its somehow a bad idea to have an adult (sexually speaking) relationship. i dont know how to explain that sex should be in a healthy, committed relationship because you do form emotional attachments and having sex because you need to be accepted or are having self esteem problems or because you are really sad or any of the other many bad reasons to have sex should definitely be avoided.

these are some of the questions i dont have answers to. but i do think i figured out that "petting" (as used in chastity talks and in the strength of youth pamphlet) is just a hand job.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A laundry list of problems doesn't make you interesting

Increasingly, I have no idea what this blog is about. In fact, I have no idea what it was ever supposed to be about. The most consistant thing I have found is the lack of capital letters. Which just racks my mind even more, because nobody anywhere I Internet these days uses capital letters. It has gotten to where a capital letter on my computer screen is a refreshing thing, which is a really pathetic thing to be refreshed about.

To start, I no longer understand the title, "Modern, Serious Dating is Dead". At first, I liked the ring it had. It seemed like it was one of those f__k yous we always like to give to our parents and the way their generation was. But, it really isn't that. If it was, then we would have called it, "Old-Timer Serious Dating is Dead (so f__k you, Mom and/or Dad)". But, that doesn't have the ring to it that Modern, Serious Dating is Dead has, does it? To answer my own question, no, it does not.

See, I have a hard time with stuff when I can't break it down and make it make sense. For example, after ten years of trying to figure out why the phrase "and how" means what is does, I finally gave up and started using it. How can modern serious dating be dead, when we are in the modern? Dead stuff is past-tense. Maybe it could be "Modern: Serious Dating is Dead".

I have a simple mind and sometimes it is troubled by ridiculous things.

Now, if the title had nothing to do with anything, then I would be at total peace with everything. I can embrace things that don't make sense if they aren't supposed to make sense. But, this title has something to do with things. I don't want the title be changed, because I still like it, I just want to come to terms with it. This is a me problem, and I know that.

I am also having a hard time finding my place on this blog because I have been seriously dating a babe for going on 11 months now. It seems like the only thing most common on this blog than incorrectly uncapitalized letters is weird dating stories. If I had any weird stories to share, I couldn't share it here because my woman reads this blog more than I do. In fact, talk of any sort about our serious dating would be awkward. I wonder if all I have to offer is mushy stuff about me and my woman. I don't want to do that, though. Besides, that's Jefe's job.

I guess I could offer up my services to answer any questions since people in relationships are so great at dispensing advice. It's something I could definitely do. You ask me a question, I post you an answer. You wouldn't be that enlightened, though, because I don't really know what I am talking about. Remember my first post on here? It was about how much I like boobs. That's about all I got when it comes to dating. I can make stuff up, though. On the ldslinkup, I started a thread about online scoring chicks. It didn't really go anywhere, though.

Oh, wait. I just thought of something. Double dating. Me and Lisa are in pretty high demand in the double-dating department. Or, at least people keep telling us that they want to "double" with us. Maybe they are lying. We have only done it a few times, and I think we're pretty good at it. Last time, I tried to get really nervous about it so that it would seem like a bigger deal than it was, but it turned out to be pretty fun and really easy. All it is is hanging out, which I mastered like three years ago. So, this topic is a bust. I, as a dating blogger am a bust.

What the earth do you want from me?