Friday, May 16, 2008

a cop shot some boys and girls

i've never been so nervous writing a blog before in my life.
umm,
someones i know gave a book -- a certain dating book -- to someone else i know for his birthday.
i have sufficiently hid everyone's identity.
but that's not why i wrote that i'm nervous earlier. i mean, i really am nervous. still nervous even after hiding the identities of certain people that i know.
none of this stuff is important to the story. except the nervousness. but that's only important because it's supposed to be an excuse for how the story is written.
ok.
so the book is called something like mars and venus on a date. it's a sequel to the highly successful best seller in over forty languages men are from mars, women are from venus. a bestseller in over forty languages. that's something else. that means this guy has figured out dating.
i didn't google that best seller in over forty languages bit. i read it in the first chapter of mars and venus on a date. the forty languages may be wrong: but honestly, the first ten pages of venus and mars on a date are a commercial for men are from mars, women are from venus the book and seminars. and then the next five pages are simply different strategies for getting your significant other to read either this book or men are from mars, women are from venus or, preferably, both. specifically, it's advice for women to get their boyfriends, husbands or potential boyfriends/husbands to read these books. for whatever reason, men are less likely to read these books or attend the previously mentioned seminars. this is, according to the author, because men need to know that the books and seminars are "man friendly," whatever that means. so after multiple pages of advice on how to get the man in your life to read these books -- guilt, peer pressure, ect -- the author (i'm not gonna try to find his name) tells us that these same techniques can work equally as well for men trying to get the women in their lives' to read these books. and i thought the entire premise of the books were that men and women are different. and you can draw your own conclusions on why half of the first chapter is about how women can get men to purchase and read these books.
i don't necessarily disagree with the premise of this book. men and women are different. i mean, we're all human, but men and women have different organs, different hormones, different chemical reactions which may lead to different brain development, different socialization process and so on and so on. there seems to be biological differences between sexes in the same species all over the world. like there are these fish in the bottom of the ocean. the female is like a normal sized fish. the male is maybe 1/5 her size. when they mate, the male attaches himself to the female for life. all he does is stay attached and sends sperm, or this fish's equivalent, into the female while receiving nutrients from the food the female eats. this in a pretty far out example, but the point is that males and females within a species follow somewhat different evolutionary trajectories. they're different. but not so different that mating becomes impossible. that doesn't make any sense.
mars and venus on a date, however, isn't talking about these biological or neurological differences in human females and males. this book is interested in making money off of lonely people by exploiting their loneliness and isolation. and most of us are lonely some of the time. and that's my problem with this book. it promises that true love is just around the corner if you simply shell out that cash for this book and this seminar and this dating service when their ideal of true love or happy ever after (a phrase used at least five times in the first chapter) is totally unrealistic. in other words, this books reinforces unrealistic expectations about love and dating and relationships that creates anxiety about our own relationships (or lack there off) and then preys on this insecurity by offering solutions for a price.
that's offensive to me.
so i stopped reading the book. but here's something else i learned: if you're a girl on a date (or possibly a boy on a date with another boy) and your date opens the car door for you, you're not supposed to reach over and unlock the door for him if you want him to still be interested in you. that doesn't make any sense, even after reading the five pages the authors spends to explain why it matters.
i dont know why i was so nervous when i began this post.

8 comments:

becky said...

oh. i always reach over and unlock the door. well, i did, before everything was so electronic. this must be why i'm not married.

natali said...

i like to keep locking it so they cant get in so they know i must really like them.

Cindy said...

I totally unlock the door.

natali said...

i love this post. is it because i am a girl?

whitney said...

That fish that you're talking about actually absorbs the male into her own body. So that, basically, all he is in the end is just a pair of gonads. I don't remember what kind of fish it is...an angler? I used that story in a script once.

brian said...

i think we're thinking of the same fish. i saw it in some ocean documentary.

Maraiya said...

I love the angler fish. I like the fact that for years they didn't even know the male fish existed and thought the fish was just asexual.

Also, I try to remember to unlock the other door. My husband loves it. So I think that knocks this guy's theory down.

marshall p said...

I read this book, but I got it for free, is that why I don't have love in my life or tla or happily ever after? probably. also I don't go on dates, so how does this car door thing even apply to me?