yes i am cocky enough to think everyone wants me

the parents were in town and brought their dog along. one morning, the dad and i were out walking around my complex with our dogs. now when you live in an apartment complex with a creature that needs to excrete every 2-3 hours, you start seeing the same people with similar creatures on a similar schedule. one of the people i would regularly see was this sleezy looking guy with a big lab and some sort of tiny weenie dog that you’re probably not even allowed to pet because you would crush his skull (which reminds me of this gem of a video). anyway, we’d always chat for a second while our dogs sniffed each other (gently as to not crush any skulls) – he’d talk about how he and his wife and new baby were moving out of the complex.

the day my dad was in town was the day this guy was moving out. i saw him on our walk and he started chatting with me. my dad was off a little way with his dog, so didn’t seem like he was really associated with me. i asked the guy if they needed any help and he responded, “not unless you want a sexual date?” i think i didn’t talk for a good half a minute or so trying to process what he said. finally, i asked – “what??” and he said it again “do you want a sexual date?” oh my gosh – i was so embarrassed. my dad was standing right there. how awful was this? “no thanks” i said and booked it home, not even waiting for my dad. when my dad came in, this was our conversation

me: i’m so sorry you had to hear that. some people are just scum bags.

dad: hear what?

me: oh… you didn’t hear what that guy asked me??

dad: wait… what do you think he asked you?

me: um….

dad: cause i heard something “sexual” the first time, but when he repeated it, he was just asking you if you wanted a sectional

me: oh… well my answer would have been the same