Thursday, December 13, 2007

love is going on

so today i went to costco on my lunch break. there were a lot of cheese samples. there was also some kid that becky i knew back in the day (probably six or seven years ago in provo). he approached me with a baby and said:

some kid: what was your name again?
natali: natali
some kid: oh thats right.
natali: how are you? i see you had a baby. thats great.
some kid: i didnt have a baby. i was a part of the process but my wife actually had the baby.
natali: in my head (i just remembered how much i didnt/dont like you. i know men cant bear children. well i think i read somewhere a man had a baby once. but obviously it was a science/social experiment and not naturally occurring. why would you make such a lame joke? perhaps you just want people to really think about your sex life/acts/penis. that is probably the real motive behind that comment because humor cannot be it).
natali: anywayyyyyy.... she is a cute baby (she wasnt).

i had a flash back to six (maybe seven) years ago when he tried to date our whole apartment. he was always kissing becky on the check. he pretended it was because she was latin (she isnt)(he knew). he was just hoping she would forget how annoying he was and let him kiss her mouth. she didnt forget. then there was our other roommate (haley) who was actually interested in him. they cuddled sometimes but it never got too far. they had been cuddling the night before this very conversation:

some kid: so natali can i take you to dinner sometime?
natali: (no. what a relief i have a built in excuse) arent you interested in my roommate haley? in fact didnt you cuddle with her until 3:34 a.m. last night?
some kid: sure. but i am interested in you too.
natali: yes well about that.....
some kid: cant i read the natali and haley books at the same time?
natali: um no. you have to finish one first. we arent a library you know. you read one and return it then you can start on the second one. and even then unless you just sort of skimmed the first one its frowned upon. (i really dont know why i have to explain this to you. everyone knows this. i will probably run into you in six or seven years at costco and you will make some lame ass joke about how your wife actually had a baby and not you).

and i did.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

some people's ex-boyfriends

remember this guy? he was ruthless when it came to asking me out on dates. any chance he got – even if i was sitting there with my youngin boyfriend at the time. so, i got word that this guy just called the youngin (mind you, we broke up back in august when he went back to school) and asked, “do you mind if i ask ck out?” to which the youngin thought a) would’ve been nice if you asked my permission back when we were actually dating and b) where the hell did you get your dating etiquette? but instead he said “fine by me.” which i secretly hate him for

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

those love songs sung so suddenly

in a comment from the previous post, i parenthetically remarked that dating involves more than simply the assessing and acquiring of potential mates. i may be wrong about that. in some sense, everything we do is motivated by the possibility of sex (or motivated by the consequences of sex as in the raising of children). i mean, it's all in our genes, right? but maybe that's a bit reductionist.

what was my point?

have you ever been on a date where both of you knew, pretty much the minute the date starts, that there was no possibility of sex between the two of you either that night or ever?

(is this a fairly normal occurrence on blind dates? if so, i think it's because who you're attracted to is a complicated matter, one you have a difficult time articulating to yourself. so how are your friends and family going to choose someone you'll like?)

one time i was set up on a blind-date by my friend jenny. she set me up with someone in her institute class. here's how the pre-date phone call went:

her: hello?
me: hello?
her: who is this?
me: brian. who's this?
her: sarah.
brian: hi sarah. your classmate, jenny, said i should call you.
sarah: oh yes. she thought we should hang out sometime, so i wanted to ask you: would you like to come with me to this cinco de mayo party on friday?
brian: sure.

during this part of the phone conversation, we hammered out the details of the date and i received directions to her friend's house where we'd meet before the cinco de mayo party. i wrote the directions to her house on my hand in magic marker. here's the end of the phone conversation:

sarah:how do you know jenny?
brian: i met her through work.
sarah: she is so great; she has the strongest testimony.
brian: i wonder why she's never bore it to me.
sarah: should we start to get to know each other now or wait until the date?
brian: we could start now. [long pause.] what's your favorite beatles' record?
sarah: sgt. peppers.

i forgot what else we talked about. as i hung up the phone, i do remember thinking we probably weren't going to hit it off. i think she felt the same way.

so the next day i'm driving around some neighborhood in sugarhouse checking street names and house numbers against the information i have markered on my hand. i finally arrive at what i think is the house. i check the number on the house: 628. i check the number on my hand: 628. right then a cadillac pulls into the driveway of 628. someone's grandparents get out of the car. i don't want to walk up to the door with these grandparents so i pretend to be looking for something in the back seat of my car. but grandpa's got a walker and i don't know how long i can reasonably fumble through these papers in my back seat without drawing attention to myself. i should just get out now, i think to myself. out of the date? probably, but instead i get out of the car and walk to the door. i'm half way up the driveway when the grandparents are let in.

the lady at the door: hello. you must be brian. sarah's inside.

so then i'm introduced around. there's sarah, sarah's friend, sarah's friend's parents, sarah's friend's grandparents, sarah's friend's younger brother, sarah's friend's boyfriend, another friend of sarah's and that girl's boyfriend. we still had 25 minutes until the enchiladas would be finished cooking. then sarah's friend's younger brother's prom date showed up. then everyone went out back to take room date photos leaving grandpa and i in the living room. we were watching a basketball game. i think it was a playoff game between the kings and the lakers back when kobe was just a kid. then grandpa fell asleep. with everyone still in the backyard and looking to be back there for a while, i knew what i had to do. i got up, walked out the front door, jumped in my car and drove off.