Thursday, November 08, 2007

i am not going to say i dont believe in evolution just so i can be friends with robyn

i generally encourage relationships. generally. there are always the unhealthy ones i frown upon. but relationships end right. well some end. the majority end. so i guess i am wondering the morality behind actively trying to break up a couple. is it wrong to facilitate the process? is it more wrong when you want to date the person you are trying to break up. it seems wrong. but it doesnt stop me from doing it on the occasion.

such an occasion arose last weekend when my friend came into town. his family hates his girlfriend. as do i. but really only because they are dating and not because i have ever met her or know any personality traits that are worthy of my dislike. so his brother in an attempt to get rid of the (non)offending gf once and for all asked me to seduce his brother. i said creepy and sure. however, my seduction skills were promptly called into question. i am awkward and unsmooth and uncomfortable with touch(ing)(people i havent touched before)(regardless if i like them). i blame it on being skinny. skinny people have a harder time with smooth movements and coordination and circulation. anyway i said i would attempt a seduction, even if it was uncomfortable--for the greater good.

actually the conversation went like this:

friend: we hate my brother's gf
natali: seriously how are they still (living) together.
friend: maybe you could seduce him and they would break up
natali: i am not against this idea
friend: too bad you really shitty at seducing
natali: jerkface. how would you know?
friend: you are really awkward
natali: true but if i put my mind to it i think i get push past it get the job done
friend: we are screwed
natali: well maybe just your brother (get it screwed?)

so said brother and i hung out all weekend and i tried to sabatoge his relationship. he is interviewing for a job in utah but his gf doesnt want to move here. i told him he would love salt lake. i said the word fun a lot. i have no business using that word so freely. i also planted lots of seeds of doubt surrounding his current relationship. so there was that. and then on the 38th time of saying he should just move to slc he told me what was the point i would just get married the second he moved here. that is probably when i promised i would not get married. lie. i probably will. i actually thought i would right before he moved here. that is just the kind of timing i see myself having.

as for the actual seduction i mostly just gave him a prolonged hug. and told him i might have cancer (sexy i know) and he said if i DID he would come back to see me. i thought that was really nice. so maybe i will fake cancer. which i already know to be immoral so i wont debate it.

7 comments:

ck said...

i think he loves you. maybe since you're already being immoral, you could be his slc mistress (can you be a mistress if he's not even married to ms. canada? are you really the immoral one since you're not actually the one living with him pre-marriage? how come i can never remember how to spell marriage right? is that a sign?)

these are the things that keep me up at night. well that and my late night caffeine cravings

natali said...

everyone knows if you cant spell something you cant do it. which makes me wonder what else you cant spell.

brian said...

i always forget how to spell answer

Heba said...

You two were sooooo cute together at Thanksgiing 2 (3?) years ago. I think you touched then so you should be over the first touch awkwardness. Also I can never spell awkward. And I accidentally removed all spellchecks from my computer.

natali said...

when you only touch every two years you dont really get over it.

disco said...

you homewrecker hussy. i really don't think you're a total hussy, but i couldn't ignore the opportunity for a lil alliteration.
but you are a homewrecker.
that, I know for a fact. :)

natali said...

that situation was kind of like the one on friends with ross and rachel where ross keeps yelling we were broken up. you were broken up...mostly.