Wednesday, April 23, 2008

i h8 u

my sister just got broken up with via text message.

modern technology is one of my favorite things. when people ask what other era i would want to live in, i never have an answer because why in the world would i want to live sans google and youtube?

but modern technology also provides a lousy copout for break ups. i wonder sometimes if people back in the day were stronger because they had to muster up the courage to breakup with someone face-to-face since that was their only option. well that and courier pigeon i guess. then i wonder if maybe people weren’t stronger at all and maybe that’s why more people got married back then because they didn’t have the guts to break up face-to-face but didn’t have any other means to breakup (except courier pigeon but those can get pricey) so they just sucked it up and got married instead.

the point is, technological breakups suck. via text, via email, via voicemail. i have a friend whose boyfriend of at least half a year called her parents’ house phone, knowing nobody ever answers it, and broke up with her over their answering machine. her parents. she doesn’t even live with them. can you imagine getting that call from your dad? “uh, honey… your boyfriend thinks you’re too chubby so you’re broken up now.”

and that’s the other thing – over technology, you can say a lot more. no more of these gentle “it’s me not you” lines. now, people can really say what they mean. like “u smell like chkn fngrs. r u mad?”

another relationship copout is that you prayed about it and god told you it’s not right

17 comments:

natali said...

sometimes i wonder if you actually get meaner via technology or if you the forum allows you to be more honest and honesty can be pretty mean.

becky said...

i think it's the honesty one. i appreciate honesty in breakups. even though it might hurt your feelings (and give you a complext that you'll never get over), the copouts always leave you wondering, or leave you with a false sense of hope..."it's not you, it's me". oh, so maybe in a few month, you'll be ready and we can be together, right? or "god told me you're not the one". oh, so i've seen god change his mind in this area, so maybe in six months? call me! or "i really like you but i just don't want ANY relationship right now". riiight. wait, maybe that's the same as it's not you, it's me. or "my life is really crazy right now, so let's keep dating other people." whatever, just say what you really mean, like "even though i'm not sure why, i don't want to be with you", or "i know EXACTLY why i don't want to be with you and it's because you'd rather be dating yourself", or "i care about you a lot, but the spark is gone. what i mean is i love you like a sister" or "at first i thought you were hot, but instead of becoming more endearing to me, your features mostly just gross me out now."

becky said...

i think email or IM is the only way to have an honest breakup. you can't fit all that in a text!

chelsea said...

interesting take on it. i guess it could be viewed as more honest. maybe i just feel like there should be a preemtive phone call or something though. like "hey, how's it going. i'm going to be sending you a text today to share my feelings because i can be more honest that way. don't be surprised when you get it." or maybe the text is the end of a series of conversations leading up to it.

maybe if you've been on a date or two, a text out of the blue is okay, but if you're serious with someone, at least give them a heads up that you're ready to break up with them -

natali said...

i think the problem is that with a relationship you owe someone a duty to break up to their face. but then you run into problems because what if their face starts crying. i understand why people do it via technology. but i understand why it ticks people off too.

becky said...

oh yeah, i agree chelsea, there has to be a discussion of how it's going to go down. you cannot just technologically surprise-breakup someone. like, you never break up with a voicemail or random text that basically implies "don't try responding to what i've just said because i obviously don't care about your feelings". if you've only had one or two dates though, i think the whole world should just agree now (because i know the whole world reads this blog) that text is the only way you SHOULD feel obligated to end it.

natali said...

i think the world would agree with you becky. i know i do.

chelsea said...

ooh - ditto for sure!

natali said...

hey ck are you coming to visit soon?

chelsea said...

the sad truth is no. nothing planned and that's why you should come out to dc in may with me

natali said...

i keep checking for cheap flights and nothing is coming up. what are the dates again?

chelsea said...

may 16-18 or something like that.

Colls said...

i think taking someone on a talk show is an appropriate forum for break ups. it has never happened to me but i think it would be fun.

chelsea said...

ooh - i TOTALLY agree colls. that way, if things get messy, you can always just start throwing chairs and nobody will think twice about it.

you can't do this in an office... or at least you shouldn't i guess

becky said...

plus, somehow on breakup talkshows, someone's shirt usually comes off. i am always for that no matter what the circumstance

El Jefe said...

Any relationship where the major form of communication is texting is doomed, that's like saying you read the novel because you overlooked the book jacket. She should consider herself lucky to have gotten rid of that feller!

Anonymous said...

yahoo.com use their travel site. click flexible dates, then pick your flights. I flew to DC last oct for 210 round trip using that site. I use that often to go back east. Also travel buddy,and or travelhero often have cheap flights