associations. a song. a restaurant. a piece of art. a smell. a place. even a simple word. they can all remind us of a person. associations can come with any person--boyfriends, girlfriends, family, friends, or even a time-period in general. but since this is the dating blog, i'll focus on things we associate with people we've dated.

associations are tricky. they can be one of the best things about relationships and one of the worst depending on the situation.

you are dating someone. you really care about them a lot. you do fun things together. you like each other. you go places together. maybe you need each other. you laugh a lot together. you are great friends. you have mind-blowing makeouts. you invest significant time in each other. obviously you'll have things you associate with each other, or with the times you spent together.

so things end. and it's pretty sad. but it's amicable. the wound is still tender, but you remember them and the experience with fondness.

you hear a song that reminds you of them. you get a knot in your stomach, and goosebumps on your arms. *sigh* (good sigh). you think of that person. and you smile.

you eat at a restaurant that was your favorite for the first time with someone other than them. you get a knot in your stomach, and goosebumps on your arms. *sigh*. you think of that person, and you smile.

you smell their cologne or perfume on a random passerby and are immediately transported back to a moment of cuddling in bed watching a movie, or an especially memorable makeout. or maybe just hugging them in general. you get a knot in your stomach, and goosebumps on your arms. *sigh*. you think of that person. you smile (and let's be honest, you tear up).

but then let's say a few months later you find out something about them that completely changes the way you view them or your entire relationship in general. suddenly those exact same associations are like poison (or a sledgehammer in your face.)

you hear a song that reminds you of the other. you feel like you've been punched in the stomach. you get shivers down your spine. *sigh* (the "i'm about to break down sigh). you think of that person. and skip to the next song.

you eat at a restaurant that was your favorite for the first time with someone other than them. you feel like you've been...oh COME ON! we all know you're not going to that restaurant for a while.

you smell their cologne or perfume on a random passerby and are immediately transported back to a moment of cuddling in bed watching a movie, or an especially memorable makeout. or maybe just hugging them in general. you feel like you've been punched in the stomach. you get shivers down your spine. *sigh*. you think of that person. you throw up in your mouth (or maybe you burst into tears in the middle of the isle at walmart).

the good news is that we have the ability to brain wash ourselves! after the mourning period, when you are finally ready to let them go and move on to something or someone else, you can condition yourself to associate things differently. sure, it might be a little rough starting out, but if you listen to those songs enough, you'll start to associate them with the present, not the past. if you go to that restaurant enough, you'll have new memories there.

hell no! you are not taking away my favorite songs!

hell no! you aren't keeping me from one of my favorite restaurants!

i'm not wonder woman people. i can't help you with the perfume/cologne thing.