Monday, March 24, 2008

bff to sister wife to bff

This weekend natali and I had a rollercoaster romance. We met and fell in love with our husband and shortly after all became disappointed with each other and fell out of love and broke up. It was a whirlwind to say the least.

Natali had a gift certificate to Ruby River from work. $50. Since we had spent much of the day together decorating cookies and making easter baskets, we thought we might as well make it a marathon date and go to dinner as well. Natali’s (work’s) treat. Sounds good to me. Little did we know we were about to fall in love….

You wouldn’t have thought it at first. Our waiter (mark) was cute enough. I don’t know about natali, but it wasn’t love at first sight for me. However, when mark opened his mouth and emitted an Aussie accent, we were both smitten. The feelings were mutual. It was my first polygamous relationship and I was in heaven. I started calling natali “sister wife”. It felt natural. She did the gay thing and dropped the “sister” when addressing me. Also natural.

We were debating on an appetizer. Because who doesn’t get them when a gift card is involved? We asked our new Aussie boyfriend Mark what his favorite appetizer was. He said it was the smoked trout and began describing it’s every goodness. Sourdough bread, cream cheese, capers, red onions…MTB!! That’s exactly what we were thinking about getting! that’s exactly what we were thinking about getting! we told mark. We were ready to take this relationship to the next level.

Shortly thereafter he brought it out to us and we dove right in. yum! BFAM (BF Aussie Mark) was right, this IS good! Did that last bite taste kind of like mold? Nahhh. Nat and I ate two full pieces of smoked trout on sourdough bread before we noticed the mold. There was kind of a lot. Actually, nat at 2.5 pieces. Two before we found the mold and .5 after. What can she say, it was good trout.

Um…excuse me, Aussie Mark? Um…there’s mold on this bread…Aussie Mark was shocked and embarrassed. He began to withdraw. He sent other people to deliver our food and when he came to bring us new waters he couldn’t even look us in the eye. But BFAM, we aren’t mad! Sure, we want to puke and we can’t stop laughing (and weezing if you’re natali), but we’re not mad! Please, give us another chance. But he couldn’t. He felt too much shame in recommending something so emphatically and making us eat mold. I guess I can’t blame him. I mean, he made us eat mold!

What a love affair.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

im not saying its an eternal truth he is a good lover

bexy and i hung out with some friends from ours from out of town (greg, nate and rob). because we are all mormon and single and over 24 the conversation naturally turned to relationships (failed), marriage, mormonism and refractory periods. greg said something that i have been thinking about lately--how day to day relationships are. before, in what i would like to call my younger, idealist years in which i thought people felt the same way about someone forever and that baggy plaid shirts were flattering on me i dont think i would have understood the day to day relationship concept without some sort of chart or visual aid. and once i understood it i wouldnt have believed it.

the problems in long term relationships (from what people tell me who are divorced and what i noticed on tv) is that people change and expectations arent met. change can be very scary. and sometimes when people change their partners get nervous and break up. change makes people very jumpy. unmet expectations are also boner killers. things rarely turn out how you expect it seems. this is what got me thinking about the day to day relationship. it seems like the most successful relationships, the ones that last (well), ironically are the ones that people view on a day to day basis. once you realize that people change and relationships change and circumstances change, the easier it is to cope with change overall and expectations are significantly reduced to a healthy level. and that makes it easier to stay in a relationship.

while i was writing this post i was watching witches of eastwick. its actually kind of an interesting movie about gender roles and drug use. my favorite part is when jack nicholson is seducing michelle pheiffer and michelle pheiffer is like are you going to seduce me? because i get pregnant really easily.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

blog writer blog, i mean block

Natali: we all are
blog writer blog
is what i meant to say
me: i like the first better
in fact, i no longer even believe it
what about you, what are your dating blog ideas
Natali: i have nothing
me: but we're supposed to be brainstorming
12:40 PM i think you want the dating blog to fail
Natali: i know i am trying
i really dont have any ideas
i wish i did
12:41 PM in fact i hate everything i have written on it
for the last three months
jefe and brooke might write about how they got engaged
which i thought was fun
12:42 PM me: i have an idea
what about if i posted parts of this chat
including the last line
12:43 PM (and possibly the last one, but this one seems like a stretch)
so the post is about how we have no interesting thoughts on dating
Natali: oh thats a good idea
me: we're onto post-dating
Natali: my friend just sent me this article

10 minutes
12:54 PM Natali: i just finished it. it was hella long
12:58 PM me: i'm not even half way through
i keep getting distracted by work
Natali: i was about to say i am such a faster reader
but you had that handy "work" excuse
me: i'm sure you're a fast work
1:00 PM reader
1:02 PM fast reader
Natali: fast that sexual
me: it could be
1:04 PM Natali: my apartment is a mess and i dont like it one bit
1:07 PM me: i finished it
but i'm going to go to lunch
maybe we should respond to the essay as dating posts

Monday, March 10, 2008

i'll tell you after we've sealed the deal

so, i was thinking about how random (and by that i mean miraculous) it is when two people fall in love and want to be together forever. i mean, there are a lot of pretty cool people out there, right? but that obviously isn’t going to guarantee any kind of match. i’m sure we all have male and female friends that we think are both awesome that dislike each other.

so anyway, i was thinking about the millions of dumb little things that drive people crazy. things that you’d probably accept if you found out about them AFTER you fell in love, but since you noticed them right off the bat, you never went out/hung out with that person again. OR…these same things that drive one person crazy might actually come across as endearing to someone else. at least i’m banking on that option.

here are things about me that probably fall into that category:

1. i bite my nails when i’m stressed/anxious/scared (i practically had to have my fingers surgically reattached after no country for old men)
2. i chew gum non-stop (i have an oral fixation). also i blow bubbles constantly
3. i make loud shivery noises when i first go out into the cold
4. i really love barry manilow
5. i’m pretty up-to-date on celebrity gossip. i’m kind of embarrassed about this one, actually.
6. i will describe the entire episode of “i shouldn’t be alive” to you, even if you might not want to hear about it.
7. sometimes i watch telemundo because i think the shows are funny. sure, hispanic game shows can’t rival japanese, but come on! have you seen their soap operas?
8. i will try to get you to eat korean food. in provo.
9. i talk really loudly when i get excited/mad/passionate about something
10. really loudly

there are plenty of things about other people that annoy me, but i won’t list those here.

one time in church, during a talk about dating, they (the teacher) mentioned trying to focus only on the good things about the person. or something like that. wait, maybe it was testimony meeting. was it a dating lesson? i don’t remember. usually when there are “dating lessons” in church i roll my eyes and wonder why i go to church ever (crap, could this be why i’m not married?). clearly, though, this thought has stuck with me and i’ve tried to be more open-minded about the giant plethora of idiots i’ve dated.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

it reminds me of satan in the book of job

no one has posted for awhile so i thought maybe i would give it a whirl. i am stuck at home with some sort of hacking cough so i might as well blog while i am trying to trick my friends into bringing me a slurpee (i like the following flavors: coke, mountain dew, mango tango tea, and anything with crystal lite).

today i think i had a date with my neighbor. i was outside sunning myself and trying not to wheeze (which took considerable effort) when a man standing outside on the sidewalk commented on the weather. i agreed it was nice. then he said something else about the weather. and i said something else about the weather. it went on like this for awhile. i wanted him to go away which made me think it was a date after all. then he came up and sat by me and started asking if lived by myself and other probing questions. normally, this is were i slip a ring onto my fourth finger but i wasnt wearing one. so we sat and chatted for what seemed like a really time but that might have just been the cold medication. anyway, i wasnt interested in my neighbor so i told him i had to go do laundry which was a lie but it seemed like i have to go take a nap was mean. but i didnt think we would go out again so i wasnt super worried.

also happy birthday ck! i hope you dont have the black lung.