Thursday, September 20, 2007
i am dealing with it on a date to date basis
i think brians idea for everyone to workshop (post) modern dating theory is a good one. although to a degree it has already been accomplished. dating standards, ideas norms, mores and values can be extrapolated from the previous posts but one must make a lot of assumptions and read between the lines (not unlike dating) in order to come to any conclusions. i think it would be interesting for everyone* to write about the different stages (i think brian did a great job of outlining those) and the problems in each stage and in general.
anyway i thought i would discuss predating. or my ideas on predating. situations i include in the predate are people you want to date, people you are actually dating (initial stages) or maybe even that guy at the bonfire on saturday who wants to ask you out when all you want to do is talk about autism and fire safety.** my analysis of the predate also has a great deal to do with gender roles. it seems like traditional gender roles are emphasized during the predating stage.
perhaps my disdain for dating derives from my disdain for gender roles and i am afraid if i participate in formal dating it would be endorsing traditional gender roles. a traditional date consists of a man calling a women and the following activities occur (if he wants to get kissed goodnight (on the third date)): picks her up at her house (maybe meets her parents, seeks fathers approval), opens her car door and any door she may encounter through out the night, pays for the food and and the movie (i do like movies), and then takes her home and walks her to the door. during the night the man may discuss his ambitions and education and his ability to provide and the women will discuss her family and hobbies.
the whole activity is designed because men have traditionally shown respect to women through a series of meaningless or close to meaningless acts (such as walking on the side closest to the road). furthermore providing for a women used to be paramount to any marriage relationship (so the boy pays). meanwhile these actives encourage the woman to take a more passive role to the date (perhaps so they can showcase their supportive role to their potential spouses ambition and ability to defer to his reasoning).
my problem with the whole system if i dont feel respected when someone opens my door. i feel respected when someone listens to my opinions and values my ideas. i dont care about earning potential or a man providing for me i just want someone who is there for me. i can be supportive of someones goals/careers but in return i want someone to be supportive of mine. i think the perfect first date is when two people go out and their conversation isnt marred by expectations and their actions arent dictated by the their chromosome alignment. if dating was like that i would do more of it.
*we are open to people writing guest posts if you would like to submit one please email me (contact info on my profile) and we will consider it.
**the guy kept trying to ask me out and i kept not letting him. finally the smoke from the fire started blowing our way and i had to move away from him and he asked if i telepathically asked the fire to do that so i could escape and i said i didnt think so....but am i telepathic? with fires? this could open a lot of doors.