25 and-a-half years ago (happy half-birthday to me yesterday), i laid in the hospital nursery batting my little eyes and crying an inherent flirty cry to the little boy babies around me. (this is actually a lie – i was in an incubator with jaundice for two weeks..) the point is, we’re all born with the natural ability to flirt. some of us lose it between about first and second grade when pinning your love interest and spitting in his/her face all of a sudden seemed like the best way to show your affection. others lose it later in life when they never grow out of spitting on their dates. anyway, i’d like to think i’ve kept a fair amount of my flirting ability over the course of my life. i can’t tromp the best of them, but i recently grew out of my spitting phase, so i guess i’m about average. i can hold my own – we’ll say that.and then, enter the internet (boo! hiss!) i’m yet to get into the whole internet dating thing – not for any particular reason – i’m not anti or anything, i just haven’t delved into it. but i do know this – online flirting is definitely not included in the inherent-flirting package. we weren’t born knowing how to online flirt. and that’s recently become painfully obvious.
see this random boy (if you want to know his name, ask me. there’s a good chance you might know him – crazy small mormon utah internet-savvy world. then you can just hook us up in person) wrote me on the ldslinkup saying something brilliant like “hey what’s up.” i’ve gotten messages like this before, but this time, the boy seemed not only fairly normal, but also fairly attractive and fairly my type. so i wrote back something equally as brilliant like “hi you’re hot.” we exchanged a few emails in a very short period of time (like hours) and then he gave me his beloved email address, so i immediately (per the norm) emailed him…and then nothing…so, i wrote back to him on the linkup just making sure he got my email because how silly if we stopped talking due to msn thinking i was spam-a-lotting. he wrote back immediately “yeah i got it. sorry, i’m busy with school now. i’ll email you soon.” perfect. how heavenly. but then nothing for awhile. and then he found me on facebook.com and asked me to be his friend. and i immediately responded yes and then wrote something flirty(?) on his wall. and then, he removed me from his friend list…and i haven’t heard from him since… (p.s. i think my pictures look normal, but i might be wrong)
so here’s my question. what the hell am i to do? it occurred to me that i’m probably seeming way too excited to talk to him given my immediate responses and should play harder to get, but he’s cute and i WAS excited to talk to him and it was only like 2 sentences at a time so i feel like that doesn’t even count. plus, how do you play hard to get over the internet? but now he hates me. and i can’t write him again and tell him not to hate me because then that’s just sad. so what is normal online flirting protocol? what should i do next? i’m probably supposed to marry him but because i’m not wired to online flirt, my destiny is kissing me goodbye (only without the kiss, which is too bad…unless he’s a bad kisser…how am i even to know?)
14 comments:
i think the internet is the best thing in the entire world. or the best thing that i know about. i think that subjectifies my internet love enough. i would even argue that we are, in some sense, hard-wired for online interactions. actually i think we're hard-wired to learn culturally-relevant socializations. our problem is that our formative years were largely absent of information-technology based interactions. the mediums of interaction have changed and we haven't caught up. but if you looks at the teenagers you know, they get it; they're relations have always been, to some extent, digital.
but don't get discouraged. it may be more difficult, but you can learn to online-flirt with the most savvy teenagers (not with them since that would be illegal, but as well as them). it's like how you can pick-up a second language before puberty without even trying, but when you learn a second language later in life, it's pretty hard but not impossible.
plus, this guy sounds kind of superficial. removing you from his friend's list? or maybe he has a girlfriend but likes to flirt with online girls on the side. either way, i don't think he's worth your time.
thanks brian. you've given me a new hope. and something to work towrd. i'll know i've really arrived once i can online flirt in spanish.
so now that i'm over it, should i write and ask him why i can't be his friend? maybe i have a big piece of food in my teeth in my picture that i didn't realize. how embarrassing. maybe he'll constructively tell me that.
hmmm. online breakups are tricky to navigate. but i always think you can ask for clarification. because you dont really know them.
but i looked him up and i think i know all his friends. i can ask if he said anything about your breakup. or your teeth.
yes and maybe ask if he's a good kisser
i think boys use online dating to pass the time. it probably means they are sitting on the toilet with their laptop and online dating is the equivalent to reading the readers digest, but they don't know how to subscribe so they sit with their lap top and perv on linkup, facebook, myspace, and other such sites.
i agree with brian. when people meet on the internet its my favorite kind of meeting stories. i think its nicest way for people in our generation to fall in love. people dont perv on the internet more than they perv in real life. well if they are on the internet all day they do but you know what i mean.
wow colls - you're definitely a little online-dating bitter right now ;)
i don't disagree though. internet dating opens up a whole range of fantasizing that real-life dating doesn't offer. you can pretend the person you're talking to looks and acts like anyone you want. before we know it, real relationships will stop existing altogether because online relationships are just...well...less real
i dont think online dating is worse than real life dating. i would argue its better. but i am not going to now. just know that i would.
i know him. sorry it took me so long. i was on the welcoming committee in my ward in provo like six years ago and he was the only person i welcomed. i found him housing in london. and we see each other about every two and a half years and we say hi but we dont remember each others names. what i am trying to say is he doesnt seem like he would delete someone on facebook but i guess i dont know him like i thought i did.
does he seem like he'd be a good kisser?
yes
crap. i gotta figure out why he deleted me then
p.s. nat - i think i'm going to come visit the utah the last weekend in sept. will you be around to play?
you can never really tell i guess who you are a compatible kisser with. you can only tell people you wont mind finding out about.
yes i never leave utah on purpose and that weekend will be no exception. but dont tease me. please come visit.
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