Friday, July 06, 2007

why do you hate me i thought we were friends

being single is so busy. people try to make you think that when you're single everything is carefree and you can just sit back, relax, and not worry about anything but yourself and once you get hitched and start having kids, that's when life gets hectic....WRONG. being single is one million times more busy than being married. and here's why: you are expected to be social. go on dates, go to parties, leave your house, etc. married people like to be social now and then...get together with other couples for game night or a movie, go to dinner with the singles, etc. but they aren't under any social obligation to be so. single people are. if you aren't social it's "no wonder you're still single", or if you don't have plans on at least one weekend night you have problems. not only that, but you are expected to keep in touch with everyone you've ever known. your friends who dropped off the face of the earth and stopped talking to you when they got boyfriends/girlfriends suddenly want to talk all the time and meet for lunch on a regular basis once they are married.

the difference in the busyness factor is especially pronounced in comparison with people who married young. my little sister got married at age 20. how many roommates did she have that she is expected to keep in touch with? zero. how many exes does she have that she is "still friends" with? none. the longer you're single, the more people you accumulate that you have to keep up with. not that i don't want to keep in touch with old friends and former roommates, but i have basically been living on my own since i was 19, so that means that i've had (if i'm doing the math right) A HUNDRED MILLION roommates. i used to think i could set aside a certain day (say sundays) to call people that i've been neglecting. but then i realized i'd be on back to back calls for at least ten straight hours. when would i have time to nap? or watch movies? or read a book? this is why i've been unintentionally boycotting this epidemic. and when i'm not listening to voicemails of "where have you been?" or reading emails that say "i thought we were friends, why do you hate me?" i am mostly at peace with it.

18 comments:

Colls said...

i sooo agree with this!!!

last night i was feeling guilty for not going to a party. i sat on my love sack (my only piece of furny right now) and thought about it for at least 30 minutes. i didn't want to go, but then i thought well maybe i should go see people i don't see very often. maybe my crush, derek will be there. (but i don't really care) i just wanted to stay home, watch a movie and write in my diary. pressure!!
but i did it. i stayed home...ahhhhh...and i think i am staying home tonight too!

natali said...

i notice a difference even when i am in a relationship. i think being in a relationship frees up approximately 7 hours a week.

ck said...

hallelujah amen, sister!

my brother religiously calls me every saturday night and asks if I want to hang out with his family because they have nothing else going on. i thumb through my list of 50 billion things I should probably do in the name of “single social girl” and think “how do you have NOTHING to do?” and “sign me up!”

Colls said...

ahh..the boring life of being married with children. but it's true, look at peg and al bundy. they had tons of time on their hands...to file nails and watch t.v.

Colls said...

p.s. this is sushi. i'm hungry.

sugarcube said...

Don't tell my woman, but I only get in relationships when I want to get rid of my old friends.

natali said...

that sounds like a perfectly reasonable reason to date. as good as any really. unless you are trying to get rid of me.

Jefe said...

This is absolutely brilliant!

becky said...

some people thing sex is a good reason to marry (it might be), but i say not ever having to go to a mormon party again is probably the best reason.

becky said...

also, i just wanted to say--for when i elope in the near future--that i have really enjoyed my time with all of you, but don't be surprised if you never see or hear from me again.

becky said...

of course i mean until i've settled into married life and want to hang out with you ALL THE TIME

punk rock girl said...

becky i can be at the little chapel of love tomorrow to watch you elope (perhaps witness?) before i go to trader joes.

Colls said...

me tooooo

Jefe said...

Is that why there is no BBQ club tonight?

Colls said...

i wish i could come to bbq club.

but in other news, one time someone asked me to a dance using melons. "since we cantaloupe, honey dew you want to go to the dance with me?"

who says we cantaloupe. and who ever said using melons for communication was ever ok. unless they're your own and if that's the case natali will probably want to touch them.

Dainon said...

I dont' even know who you are, but that was well said. And awesome. And very, very true.

natali said...

dainon you know who becky is. you added her as a friend on linkup. furthermore we are all in the same ward.

Krispy said...

I've always felt guilty about feeling like I have enough friends and that I don't really need to make new ones (especially problematic when you meet people you have a lot in common with -boys or girls - and they think it means you should really spend some time together but you already don't have enough time for life as it is). Until now. Thank you, Becky.