Monday, July 30, 2007

it's all maxwell's fault with his bitter poetry

the pick-up lines employed today at bars, gyms, college campuses and grocery stores are usually generic, obvious, unfunny and sexist. i blame popular movies, tv and strip-malls since all have a financial interest in an homogenized american culture of love and romance.

but when you'er at a social event and want to talk to someone new like that girl wearing that black, summer dress (because you think it's funny to have a summer dress be black) or that cute, dark-haired boy with jeans rolled up into capris and you're shy, sometimes you need a line to break the ice. too bad all the pick-up lines you've ever heard in your life are stupid and couldn't possibly give that boy or girl a hint of your dynamic personality. so, we need to reinvent the pick-up line.

here's some ideas i've been work-shopping with a couple friends (i, or my friends, have yet to use any of these lines in real life, so i'm looking for both new ideas as well as constructive criticism on the pick-up lines we've already developed):

you start, "hi, what's your name?" and they answer and ask you for your name and you say, "joe campbell, i mean camel." then they ask something like "you're name is joe camel like the cigarette cartoon?" and you say, "no, i just needed an opening. boy it sure is hot outside, but it's nice here with you."

you ask, "what would you say is your favorite . . . (long pause) . . . favorite color in the rainbow? i think mine's blue."

you make eye-contact and then hold your hand up to your ear with your pinky and thumb extended and mouth "call me" even though they have no idea what your number is.

if you're with a friend, you whisper to your friend "recite them lyrics, dude." then your friend extends one arm and says "oh babes for who we've traveled through time," and then you extend an arm and say "will you come back to san diemas with us? we'll have a really good time." (actually you quote bill and ted's directly but i can't think of their exact pick-up line.)

if you're at the gallivan center for their thursday night concert series you ask, "man, is this just a boombox playing? cause it sounds great."

18 comments:

Bone Junior said...

Or if you're at the Gallivan Center Thursday night concert series, just ask them to pass the joint.

brian said...

i was there two thursdays ago and didn't see one joint. i feel ripped off.

punk rock girl said...

i didnt see any joints either. but i did see a lot of snow cones. also, i think those are pretty good pickup lines brian. the only one that might need some work is the rainbow one. the long pause might be too long.

brian said...

i thought the long pause was the key. but i was thinking of coming up with a new favorite question.

punk rock girl said...

is orange a color in the rainbow? i want to be ready if someone ever uses this line on me.

Colls said...

i do the "call me" sign all the time. it works wonderfully.

but my fave pick up line is: "do you like to eat beets with cottage cheese? me too"

natali said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
natali said...

the best pick up line used on me so far is would you like to see the screen saver on my computer. i thought it was pretty good.

Anonymous said...

Attempting to zipper spark someone at said event is not a good way to start a conversation, however, sometimes you accidently may run into someone who will solicit such activities and you find yourself a few bucks lighter then you had hoped and a sudden fear of VD...But the Apostle of Hustle was good, so you know, it was worth it.

natali said...

i keep going to these concerts and not once has someone offered me a joint or a zipper spark. what am i doing wrong?

brian said...

apostle of hustle is one of the worst band names ever. so you know their music is totally lame.

Colls said...

nat you have never asked me to see your screen saver. what are you hiding?

natali said...

baby i dont hide anything from you. but i used to hide stuff from andrea...her underwear, the spare key, maybe that honey.

Colls said...

oh yeah well where's my garlic butter?

becky said...

i like "what are you doing tonight?" "making out with you, if that's ok"

natali said...

i dont know. i really like are you too liberal to heteosexually date or are you going home to read scriptures with your boyfriend. somehow how liberal or how conservative i am gets worked into the most recent attempts to hit on me.

brian said...

here's my problem with the making out with you pick-up line: (1) it suggests that i'm easy (i may be easy but i certainly don't want to advertise that), (2) it suggests that i'm only interested physically in girls (or boys) and (3) it's a line anyone can use and i want lines that are personalized.

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