Friday, June 15, 2007

Galactic Know How

Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus...Get it? Thanks Dr. Grey, for stating the obvious and for your bunk relationship advice. Didn't you get divorced? Your relationship suggestions are as helpful as a wooden stump on the one legged man in ass kicking contest.

If you've ever watch Star Wars with a girl that actually gets in to it (I only know three girls who seem to like it, Becky, who though I've only met once am very happy to know of her. K-tron, who I never see anymore, and Buffy Lloyd, one of my best friends ex-girl friends (and my first adult person type crush.) Any way, if you've ever watched Star Wars with a girl that actually gets in to it (Episodes 4-6) the opinion on who is cooler (among the rebellion squad) hands down all the girls love Han Solo.

Reasons Why:

1- It's really Harrison Ford I know, girls love him

2- More importantly, Solo has "tude" (That's space lingo for attitude,if you didn't know.) For instance, the famous line in The Empire Strikes Back when Lea says

Lea: I love you

Han confidently replies...

Solo: I know

and then in front of the Dark Lord of the Empire and the Galaxies most notorious bounty hunter Han lays one on her.

It's not that Han Solo is the big hearted bad boy, though that's exactly who he is, it's that Solo has confidence. Han doesn't need the force because he has a good blaster by his side. Enlightenment gets in the way of his fulfillment. Girls like confidence, they don't want a soul searcher, they want a man of action.

So, in using Star Wars reasoning, here are ten reasons why Han is more appealing to woman than Luke Skywalker.
1-He is sexy

2-Big Hearted Bad Boy

3-Oodles of Self Confidence

4-Argumentative (Han stands up for himself)

5-He's kind of a loner Dotty, a rebel

6-Has a big huge pet

7-His own vehicle (It made the kessel run in 15 parsecs)

8-He made the first move (he kisses Lea more than once)

9-A little thing like the heads of the Tyrannical Empire and Notorious Bounty hunters don't get in the way of him showing a little love to his main squeeze

10-Winning Smile (just check out Star Wars when he gets his medal from Lea

This leaves us with le homme (I think that's french for man, or home boy) opinion. Most guys tap into the SkyWalker thing.

Reasons Why:
1-This is because Luke becomes a metaphor for the everyman

2-It's the classic, "you mean I gotta grow up now" story, the anti-Peter Pan if you will. SkyWalker is the emerging man, he is finding his power within, learning to harness it

3-He training his mind and body while finding a connection with the force (could be religion, chi, or just controlling your appetite, or Internet addiction). Luke is on the pathway to enlightenment. He is dealing with his daddy issues while striving himself to become a men.

Guys like SkyWalker (minus the whining) because he's more than a bad ass who has a weird crush on his twin sister. Guys like Luke because he wants to be more than the football player, head crushing jock. He knows he's a good pilot, as good as Han, well almost, and it could get him plenty of galactic tail. But he is looking for something deeper more meaningful, he is trying to find his inner power.

Now it sounds like I am trying to sell the idea of Luke over Han. I'm not, I like them both, I think guys need to somehow possess both character traits. What I am saying is this. Guys, well let me back track, most guys who aren't assholes are looking for something great within themselves. Girls want the guy who already knows what they got and aren't afraid to show it, strut it if you will (that solves the anomaly of Mick Jagger, no one struts like him and he can still get a ton o chicks, and by the way, I didn't mosey into this blog looking for a fight, but The Stones, OVERRATED, in my opinion.)

So here are the top ten reasons why guys like and relate to Luke

1-Soul Searcher (much like guys)

2-Has a lightsaber (best weapon ever)

3-Has the power to use the Jedi Mind Trick (which on weak minded sorority girls works just as well as Han's bad boy attitude.)

4-With the force and do one handed stands

5-Has Darth Vader as a father (kind of goes back to school yard days where kids are trying to work out their own machismo by stating whose dad can beat up whose dad. When your dad is the intergalactic bad ass sith lord you pretty much win that argument before it even begins)

6-See's dead people (mentors who help guide his life)

7-Can move objects through mere thought

8-Is best friends with Han, so gets to meet all the babes but gets the luxury of being a little more reliable than Han. While Han is moving from girl to girl, the true blue keepers see him for who he is, a nice well rounded boy. Not really though, most girls just want to be with Han

9-Is going to be the Jedi to reestablish the order, so he's ahead of the curve of a booming industry

10-When he becomes a man, when he finally gets that whole Jedi thing down, he is gonna be the galaxies nice guy that you don't want to mess with. Like his father he will be the intergalactic bad ass of all time

So there you have it. Guys, if you want girls to like you more than you better start mixing a little Solo into your Skywalker game. Girls, if you want a guy that's going to treat you right and be good to you for a long time you better learn to love and admire the Skywalker traits.

A reminder: Just because Han has his act together doesn't mean Luke won't. He is just figuring things out. When he finally becomes a full fledged Jedi, like his father, he is going to be one hell of a catch, so get off my back Grandma, I'll get married when I'm ready!


brian said...

i have a lot to comment on.

first, let me say that i enjoyed this post. it's well argued and grounded in the text (or in this case, the original star wars trilogy). but what makes star wars so great -- or rather why star wars remains a dynamic part of my life while most of my other childhood likes fade away as i actively try an reject sentimentality (this isn't to say i'm not sentimental about star wars, or a billion other things) -- is that it's full of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) contradictions. so don't think of my comments as a rejection, but rather an augmentation.

do you think han has a small penis? or that he's very self-conscious about measuring up? i mean the millenium falcon is huge (relative to other starships that engage in anything like dog-fighting)? and then chewie is the biggest person in the movie. and he's phallic looking and hairy. it seems like a lot of compensating. in other words, could his entire persona be a front meant to mask his insecurity? think about how different han is in return of the jedi once he's found someone who loves him and his insecurities. he's not longer cocky and cocksure but vulnerable and openly compassionate. i'm thinking specifically about the scene after the death star blows up and he's telling leia that he'll let her and luke be together.

and luke is one complex character. he's sexually attracted to his sister and has a weird crush on han.

and the rolling stones are awesome. beggar's banquet and let it bleed are both incredible records. and if you don't think mic jagger has talent, you should watch the performance. he plays this song on the guitar and is amazing. it's all one take with live audio, so you know he couldn't fake it. but talk about underrated, how about the velvet underground, the kinks and love. sometimes i can't believe how many incredible records were made between like 67 and 71.

Sarita said...

My 4 year old niece LOVES starwars. As in the the first trilogy. And stated, and I quote, "I want to marry Luke Skywalker. He has nice hair".

Of course she also told me that Darth Vader was Yoda's Dad.

natali said...

i am not sure that luke really had a crush on his sister. i always thought that she was just the only other women he knew besides his aunt. ironically she is also a relative.

my cousin's kid is sure that yoda has something to do with christmas. every year in the christmas nativity scene he insists on being yoda, who kind of looks like a green shepard so it works.

ck said...

here’s the difference – han is like a doctor. he makes the big bucks and has the big title and the cockiness to go along with it. he’s established.

luke is like a medical student. he has potential to someday be a doctor and make the big bucks, but he has like a billion years of medical school left (if he doesn’t drop out and become an intergalactic garbage man) and then all those bills to pay off and who even knows – maybe he has to do his residency in podunk space-wyoming or something and then how will you ever raise the children in podunk space-wyoming on zero salary and you probably can’t even afford to have drones clean your house or anything. so, who wants that?

han is definitely the way to go.

Jefe said...

So would you say my theory is wrong CK?

ck said...

no, i’m agreeing with your theory – just offering new information. girls like han because of what i mentioned and guys like luke because he’s not a threat. every guy knows that if there was a cute girl in a room with you and han, you don’t stand a chance. if the girl was in a room with you and luke on the other hand, you have a fighting chance. luke’s the wingman – you can take him to a party with you without worrying about him stealing the ladies.

natali said...

no way hans was totally broke. thats why he was running from all those bounty hunters and his ship was always falling apart. mostly i just think he had the good hair.

some girl said...

DOES Han totally have his act together though? Sure maybe he has that cocky/confident bad boy attractiveness going, and he does have a good heart underneath it all, but it seems like eventually he's going to have to have a bit of some soul-searching and growing to do himself. So in a way, it seems that Luke is leaps and bounds ahead of him.

Not to discount confidence though. I truly feel a guy can get any girl he wants if he's confident. And it doesn't need to be blatant. I actually prefer that quiet confidence. Han Solo would be a good make out, but in the end, Luke is gold.

One more thing: were there subtle penis-references in those lists? particularly Han's #6. I'm just sayin'.

natali said...

luke is way too whiney to be a good kisser. i am not sure how the two are related i only know in my heart they are. hans wins my make out vote.

Jefe said...

I can't argue with the penis theory presented by Brian, who was sort of the inspiration (because of our mutual love of Star Wars, not subtle references to penices, I don't think of Brian in that way, or any guy for that matter).
In reality, let's face it, Luke knew, he knew Lea was his sister.

One thing you have to remember about the Skywalker legacy is that Darth Vader became the bad ass he was because he was emo about his wife. So you see Han could swoon the girls but you gotta watch out, Skywalkers are known for whiping a whole army of Jedi's just because they are a little bit worried about the security of their relationship.

brian said...

i think anakin became darth vader because he was forced to suppress his attraction to obi-wan. the star wars universe seems to be a lot like ours in that it's homophobic and hetero-sexist. even gay robots like c-3po and rt-d2 have to keep their relationship on th d.l. so anakin has all these feelings for obi-wan, but is in the hyper-prudist jedi order where even heterosexual sex is forbidden. so he ends up evil. it's sad, but you got to remember that anakin had to become darth vader before he could restore balance to the force.

Jefe said...

This is true, and there may have been guarded sexual abuse like among priests and young men (eh-hmm) Therefore the whole point of him destroying most of the Jedi and restoring balance had to do with a purging of pervision that started know I don't know even know how I get off on these tangents.

ck said...

if i was anakin and ewan mcgreggor was obi-wan, i would probably want to be gay too. mmm-hmm

becky said...

jefe, you've got it all wrong. girls choose han over luke for these reasons:
1. han is sexy, luke isn't
2. luke is gay

sure, luke ends up being a badass, but he's still homosexual. for that reason i wouldn't do him (and he wouldn't do me). but we'd probably have a good time hanging out. maybe shopping, or just sharing a good meal, some drinks and some prime times, all the while bonding over our mutual love and sexual attraction to han that we know will never become fruitful because that leah #!$&@ keeps getting in the way

Jefe said...

Actually Beck, not to throw down the geek gauntlet, but first, remember he was attracted to his sister, which is totally understandable because even though Tattooine is a desert planet, it's actually the equivalent to Texas which is still considerd the South, and that is a common southern thread. Everyone knows that
A-Utahns are all polygomists
B-Southerners all have insetual tendencies.

But back to the point, does the name "Mara Jade" mean anything to you? It should because she was Luke Skywalkers wife. She was an assassin for Emperor Palapatine who upon his death was given a command to kill Skywalker. She was in some ways a sith assassin and knew the ways of the force, however, she didn't let anger or pain over come her. She eventually fell in love with Luke but was later assassinated herself.

She was also really hot (or so the comic books and later stories say) with red hair and a bad ass attitude, not unlike a female version of Han Solo, only with a rack and a lightsaber.

So you see my orignal theory still can be applied.

becky said...

i'm still saying gay. lot's of gay men try to ignore who they really are by becoming involved with and marrying women. then, 10 years later, they realize they just don't want to be someone they're not anymore and leave their wife and 6 children for a man. which luke probably totally would have done had his wife not been assasinated before he got the chance. i mean, you said it yourself..."with red hair and a bad ass attitude, not unlike a female version of Han Solo". a female version of han solo? no wonder he was able to fake it for a while

punk rock girl said...

i dont know how luke comes out in the books but in the movies...luke is gay.

ck said...

is luke even old enough to have been married? seriously - isn't he like 15?? maybe it's just the whiney voice that leads me to believe that

Jefe said...

1-I've met everyone now but Heba and CK, so get on a plane you two.

2-I'm just saying this, Girls want a rogue, a bounder, a devil, a theif.

A lot of guys are trying to find enlightenment and inner peace.

Finally, I'm coming to the Q on Monday, no matter how late it is.

brian said...

i think luke might be gay too. or rather, if you look at the films a certain way, he's probably gay. luke, unlike his father, seems to come to terms with his homosexuality. actually i don't know. luke seems to be the most sexually ambiguous person in all the movies. or maybe ambivalent.

but this all stems from the lack of women in the star wars universe. in the first (older) three movies, there is one female character -- leia -- and she happens to be luke's sister. (i guess luke's aunt beru is a character, but she only has two lines and is again related to luke.) in this way, star wars is exactly like the book of mormon. they're both these epic stories that span generations but focus on individual (male) subjects negotiating periods of political and spiritual collapse. both suffer from the same problems because they ignore women almost entirely.

ck said...

what do i get to come visit jefe? will you take me to the lagoon?

nathaniel said...

lagoon! next thursday! next thursday!

ck said...

alright! would anyone like to donate to the "get chelsea to utah in one week or less to go to lagoon" fund? it's a worthy cause i promise

Jefe said...

In the original script Luke actually was a girl and the Obi Wan character was named Luke Skywalker and he mentored this girl into a Jedi Knight. All that changed (I think this part is'nt for sure) when Lucas read The Hero With A Thousand Faces (which I just read and it was interesting but not exciting like the Devil's Teeth which I am currently reading.) Any way that might explain the ambiguity of Lukes gender. He does seem rather girly however I still have to disagree. Luke is used as an everyman metaphor, the son who attains the glory that his father couldn't. He's a lot like the character of Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The temptation of failure always lumes, the desire of power that plagued their forefathers is the same temptation they deal with. The difference is that Luke and Aragorn is that they are able to over come the temptation that their fathers gave in to and move forward thus accomplishing liberation for their people...Any way all that's beside the point. I don't think Luke is gay.

Sarita said...

Except that Aragorn is dark, a little rogue-ish and ruggedly handsome. With the facial hair (sans facial hair, not so much). Big difference.