my mom had her annual dating pep talk tonight. apparently i am supposed to go to church to meet a boy and bring him to my nephews first birthday party on friday because i am too cute to die alone (to be fair i was the one that brought up the possibility of dying alone and probably of cancer).
the pep talk didnt go over well.
Monday, March 12, 2007
i do these things to myself
i have a new 21 year old bf. he declared his secret crush on me on saturday. but i sort of already knew he had one on me when our main topic of conversation is kissing. people dont really hyperfocus on that unless they are sort of hoping all that talk turns into action.
i really want a secret crush. but i have always been bad at secrets. but on the bright side i am good at crushes. the 25 year old in the house also has a secret crush on me so i suggested a natali-thon and whoever wins gets to ask me out. i told them they could both pick a competition and then a third party could come up with a third competition and then someone gets to buy me food. i can buy mine own food. i hate my idea. the 21 year old came up with the competitions of public speaking, office triva and karate. fortunately, the 25 year old doesnt want to play.
my new 21 bf year is in class with my old 21 year bf. maybe we could double...
i really want a secret crush. but i have always been bad at secrets. but on the bright side i am good at crushes. the 25 year old in the house also has a secret crush on me so i suggested a natali-thon and whoever wins gets to ask me out. i told them they could both pick a competition and then a third party could come up with a third competition and then someone gets to buy me food. i can buy mine own food. i hate my idea. the 21 year old came up with the competitions of public speaking, office triva and karate. fortunately, the 25 year old doesnt want to play.
my new 21 bf year is in class with my old 21 year bf. maybe we could double...
Friday, March 09, 2007
all things code
when you are on a date, it is helpful to speak in code words. this can be fun and rather intellectually stimulating for dick and jane dater. For example, if you say "I'm hungry" it really means "I'm full." " I like that movie" means "I hate it." "It's a lovely night" means "This night sucks." and so forth. perhaps you catch my pattern. but my favorite code exchange is as follows. "I'd like to play with your hair." to my chagrin, this is actually code for "go down my pants."
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
lying does pay
i’ve come to accept the fact that i’m a compulsive liar. it’s a family trait – i can’t help it.
for example, my boyfriend broke up with me and i felt revenge was in order. after thinking about it for awhile, i decided to create a myspace.com account of a fictitious (yet perfect) girl. she had all the physical features and hobbies exboyfriend could ever want. she started writing him…they hit it off and started a little online relationship of sorts. after a couple of months, this online relationship got pretty serious and fictitious girl asked exboyfriend to come visit her (she was from alaska as it turns out). so, he bought a plane ticket to alaska to visit. timing it perfectly, i called him right as he landed in alaska and told him that I made the whole thing up…fictitious girl doesn’t even exist…i’ve been writing him acting like her the whole time…and now he’s stuck in alaska…and have a nice life.
you’re maybe laughing and maybe thinking how cruel i am, but either way you’re probably agreeing that my lying habit is bad…the thing is, that whole story’s a lie…a local radio station has what’s called a “5 o’clock phone call” where the djs ask a question and take answers from a handful of callers and the best answer wins a prize. i listen to this dumb game every day and every day i come up with good answers to the questions (albeit, not necessarily TRUE answers, but…) so, finally, this particular day posed the question “what have you done to an ex to get revenge?” i conjured up this little made-up number, called in, shared my revenge story on live radio and won a $50 gift certificate to chili’s…lying does pay.
for example, my boyfriend broke up with me and i felt revenge was in order. after thinking about it for awhile, i decided to create a myspace.com account of a fictitious (yet perfect) girl. she had all the physical features and hobbies exboyfriend could ever want. she started writing him…they hit it off and started a little online relationship of sorts. after a couple of months, this online relationship got pretty serious and fictitious girl asked exboyfriend to come visit her (she was from alaska as it turns out). so, he bought a plane ticket to alaska to visit. timing it perfectly, i called him right as he landed in alaska and told him that I made the whole thing up…fictitious girl doesn’t even exist…i’ve been writing him acting like her the whole time…and now he’s stuck in alaska…and have a nice life.
you’re maybe laughing and maybe thinking how cruel i am, but either way you’re probably agreeing that my lying habit is bad…the thing is, that whole story’s a lie…a local radio station has what’s called a “5 o’clock phone call” where the djs ask a question and take answers from a handful of callers and the best answer wins a prize. i listen to this dumb game every day and every day i come up with good answers to the questions (albeit, not necessarily TRUE answers, but…) so, finally, this particular day posed the question “what have you done to an ex to get revenge?” i conjured up this little made-up number, called in, shared my revenge story on live radio and won a $50 gift certificate to chili’s…lying does pay.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
i call the covered wagon bed
i dont know how i feel about the themed sex room. i have mixed reviews. i mean the whole premise of the anniversary inn is kind of funny right? i dont think its bad to want to have a romantic location or destination or try to spice things up. chelsea's mom said its best to marry someone who is willing to experiment because hey you are going to be having sex with the same person you might (will) hit some ruts, low points, or periods of less enthusiasm. i just wonder how the swiss family robinson room is going to help. i mean when i was a kid i totally wanted to live on that island. but not for a second did i think about having sex in those tree huts. but i guess someone else did. jungles are pretty sexy though. i think it has something to do with how you might get eaten by a tiger (danger is hot i guess) and there are always those waterfall lakes that people end up skinny dipping in and i guess tarzan and jane had a lot of sexual tension. i think it had something to do with the loin cloth. but i dont know what that has to do with the swiss family robinson. i mean they are a family who liked to race wildlife on the beach who are trying to teach christian values.
my friend is an architect and she said she has designed a couple of these rooms. she designed the drive in movie room. i guess it takes people back to were they lost their virginity or something. but if it has like movie popcorn and real movies thats awesome right? who cares if the bed is the back of a truck if you have all that other stuff.
some other rooms are location rooms right. i get italy. bc everyone says its so romantic and its pretty expensive to go there. but whats weird is paying $200 a night to stay at the lake powell room or sun valley or jackson hole or bridal view falls. if i can drive somewhere to have a romantic encounter why would i go to a hotel that isnt there to be there. also instead of going to the hayloft suite why wouldnt you just go break into a barn? trespassing fines are probably less money. i think lighthouse rooms are good for phallic symbol purposes so i guess that is a pretty good location room.
i am pretty to very scared of the phantom of the opera room. did they even see that movie and or musical? i know i have. its terrifying. its all about this guy in a mask who kidnaps this girl and takes her down to his watery lair and there is like some mannequin dressed up like her and he tells her she has to listen to him play the organ and hang out with his little toy monkey doll for the rest of her life. but maybe some people like to be good an scared to get in the mood. its kind of the same to me with the romeo and juliet room. that story starts off nice enough with a fun costume party but everyone dies. who needs that.
these rooms are of course all targeted towards women. which makes me worried that there are a lot of women who dont enjoy sex and can only get in the mood for special, expensive occasions. which seems like a cheap trick that doesnt address their unsatisfying sex lives. but thats just my theory. unless its every man's fantasy to be prince charming. i have my doubts.
my friend is an architect and she said she has designed a couple of these rooms. she designed the drive in movie room. i guess it takes people back to were they lost their virginity or something. but if it has like movie popcorn and real movies thats awesome right? who cares if the bed is the back of a truck if you have all that other stuff.
some other rooms are location rooms right. i get italy. bc everyone says its so romantic and its pretty expensive to go there. but whats weird is paying $200 a night to stay at the lake powell room or sun valley or jackson hole or bridal view falls. if i can drive somewhere to have a romantic encounter why would i go to a hotel that isnt there to be there. also instead of going to the hayloft suite why wouldnt you just go break into a barn? trespassing fines are probably less money. i think lighthouse rooms are good for phallic symbol purposes so i guess that is a pretty good location room.
i am pretty to very scared of the phantom of the opera room. did they even see that movie and or musical? i know i have. its terrifying. its all about this guy in a mask who kidnaps this girl and takes her down to his watery lair and there is like some mannequin dressed up like her and he tells her she has to listen to him play the organ and hang out with his little toy monkey doll for the rest of her life. but maybe some people like to be good an scared to get in the mood. its kind of the same to me with the romeo and juliet room. that story starts off nice enough with a fun costume party but everyone dies. who needs that.
these rooms are of course all targeted towards women. which makes me worried that there are a lot of women who dont enjoy sex and can only get in the mood for special, expensive occasions. which seems like a cheap trick that doesnt address their unsatisfying sex lives. but thats just my theory. unless its every man's fantasy to be prince charming. i have my doubts.
Monday, February 19, 2007
i should probably be sanctioned
my friend heidi stumbled upon the Restatement of Love published in the Yale Law Journal while doing some research on Westlaw (104 Yale L.J. 707). the article was intended to codify the complicated network of unwritten norms that specify the parties' rights and obligations in relationships (not including marriage and estate which has been clearly codified since well codification began).
i dont know if it is the lawyer in me (is there a lawyer in me? i wonder that a lot) but i really liked the idea of creating rules/standards that you can rely on when you are dating. that way, when you break up and dont know what to say you can cite something like, pursuant to USC 83 (a) 12 its over, etc. that way you know if you have a duty to someone including third parties. that way if your there is a dispute on whether you are in the wrong there are clear guidelines.
because as the article points out, although in relationships you are supposed to accept the person for who they are and a "formalist view that a relationship is a have for idiosyncratic behavior, parties cannot escape the notions of reasonableness that pervade society, and will advert to them when disputes arise." (id. at 723).
for the sake of brevity i will only expound on a couple of concepts that i found the most interesting and useful.
the article discusses several models under which people begin dating. my favorite and the one i do the most often is the informal acquaintance model. in entering this relationship the parties must consider the following factors
1. avoid any tendency towards willful blindness: flirting with no interest, this encourages reliance and may foreclose the innocent party from pursing other deals (ie the non bf)
2. establish a claim of right through possession: perhaps the first person to establish a "claim" on an unattached newcomer has superior rights. however courts wrestle with the question of what constitutes possession and actual possession is widely conceded as proof of superior rights. ill will can be particularly strong when one party has long attempted to establish a relationship but has failed only to see another succeeds. (dibs)
3. corporate opportunity doctrine: exploitation by friends and acquaintances: in principle if a party cannot avail himself or herself of a relationship then others may pursue the opportunity wiht impunity. in practice, such doctrines are rarely neatly or painlessly applied and those aggrieved by another's success but who lack a legal right to relief, often seek other avenues of redress. (id. at 716).
i liked this section because it deals situations i have dealt with in the past. situations in which no actual dating has occurred but there are rules and regulations still surrounding the situation. even not dating can be very complicated.
and this was another highlight, constructive eviction. this is a "common tactic employed by moving parties who wish to dissolve a relationship, but who lack the wherewithal to articulate any ground at all, even pretextual. rather than confront the anguish of breaking up, the disaffected party engages in conduct so unbearable that the opposing party find the relationship uninhabitable. such behavior often includes picking fights, refusing to return phone calls, breaking plans, regularly, and conspicuously avoiding public appearances as a couple. the opposing party feels forced by the moving party's behavior to initiate the breakup. this is a form of fraud by the moving party and is highly disfavored."(id. at 727).
yeah been there...nothing better than having to break up with someone for their reasons which they refuse to share.
anyway the whole article is a pretty good read and i recommend looking it over. it gives some great guidelines from things spanning from first dates to dealbreakers to religious differences to proper break ups. finally, i have more than he's just not that into you which as far as i can tell is the most cited authority on the subject.
i dont know if it is the lawyer in me (is there a lawyer in me? i wonder that a lot) but i really liked the idea of creating rules/standards that you can rely on when you are dating. that way, when you break up and dont know what to say you can cite something like, pursuant to USC 83 (a) 12 its over, etc. that way you know if you have a duty to someone including third parties. that way if your there is a dispute on whether you are in the wrong there are clear guidelines.
because as the article points out, although in relationships you are supposed to accept the person for who they are and a "formalist view that a relationship is a have for idiosyncratic behavior, parties cannot escape the notions of reasonableness that pervade society, and will advert to them when disputes arise." (id. at 723).
for the sake of brevity i will only expound on a couple of concepts that i found the most interesting and useful.
the article discusses several models under which people begin dating. my favorite and the one i do the most often is the informal acquaintance model. in entering this relationship the parties must consider the following factors
1. avoid any tendency towards willful blindness: flirting with no interest, this encourages reliance and may foreclose the innocent party from pursing other deals (ie the non bf)
2. establish a claim of right through possession: perhaps the first person to establish a "claim" on an unattached newcomer has superior rights. however courts wrestle with the question of what constitutes possession and actual possession is widely conceded as proof of superior rights. ill will can be particularly strong when one party has long attempted to establish a relationship but has failed only to see another succeeds. (dibs)
3. corporate opportunity doctrine: exploitation by friends and acquaintances: in principle if a party cannot avail himself or herself of a relationship then others may pursue the opportunity wiht impunity. in practice, such doctrines are rarely neatly or painlessly applied and those aggrieved by another's success but who lack a legal right to relief, often seek other avenues of redress. (id. at 716).
i liked this section because it deals situations i have dealt with in the past. situations in which no actual dating has occurred but there are rules and regulations still surrounding the situation. even not dating can be very complicated.
and this was another highlight, constructive eviction. this is a "common tactic employed by moving parties who wish to dissolve a relationship, but who lack the wherewithal to articulate any ground at all, even pretextual. rather than confront the anguish of breaking up, the disaffected party engages in conduct so unbearable that the opposing party find the relationship uninhabitable. such behavior often includes picking fights, refusing to return phone calls, breaking plans, regularly, and conspicuously avoiding public appearances as a couple. the opposing party feels forced by the moving party's behavior to initiate the breakup. this is a form of fraud by the moving party and is highly disfavored."(id. at 727).
yeah been there...nothing better than having to break up with someone for their reasons which they refuse to share.
anyway the whole article is a pretty good read and i recommend looking it over. it gives some great guidelines from things spanning from first dates to dealbreakers to religious differences to proper break ups. finally, i have more than he's just not that into you which as far as i can tell is the most cited authority on the subject.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
survivor
so i have this anxiety problem that involves me having some irrational fear surrounding people in my life getting hurt. for example, there was a horrible and tragic shooting in downtown slc. i started thinking about how random that is. and then i wonder what if someone i know was there. and then i think what if that one boy i like was there. and then i think he might have been he likes movies. and then i remember he has the gift certificates to the Regency. and its a reasonable distance from his house. so then i think i will just call to find out (if he is alive) how his night went. so i call and tell him to call me. he doesnt. and then i think i will write him a text saying "hey i know you hate shopping but just let me know you are ok". still nothing. i start to think a couple hours later that i am reasonably sure he is the victim of a random act of violence. and then i got this this text "i didn't die baby."
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