Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Jewelry, supply closets, and racking men

we have yet another guest poster. this post was submitted by ck's sister meghan from denver, colorado. i think this is a great post about what the holidays can do to relationships, dating co-workers and adultery. enjoy.

You know you’re in trouble when your co-worker tells you he has a surprise for you but he can’t bring it into work because it’s only for you and he can’t do it over the lunch break ‘cause it’ll take longer than thirty minutes….Needless to say when my co-worker who will remain anonymous (that makes it seem like I’m nice, but in reality he’s the only male that works in my office) told me this I seriously contemplated slashing my own car tires just to have an excuse to not drive over to his apartment. But tires are expensive so instead I followed him to his apartment and clutched my mace as I entered his humble abode.

Let me back up a little bit. This is the same co-worker that knows I’m in a long distance relationship (we have both decided that we’re not exclusive at the moment. I just have to throw that in there so that when you read the next paragraph you won’t think I’m a hussy.) This is also the boy who took me to the world series game. If you don’t put out after getting taken to the world series, chances are you’re never going to. But does that make people give up? Oh no, it makes them buy you insanely huge Christmas bags that you can crawl into and have a tea party in with your three favorite dolls. Inside the bag of insane proportions were about fifteen individually wrapped presents – all of them being very goofy and funny and dripping with “our inside jokes” amazing how a joke can be so inside that you don’t even realize it exists. After we chuckled and I did an awkward shuffle towards the door…he pulled out my “real present.” It was a white gold gorgeous sapphire necklace, the dumb thing really is easily valued over $200. (I googled it) And what did I get from my actual boyfriend in a different state?? I’d rather not talk about it...though that’s just say it was easily valued at $0.

So now rumors are soaring at work ‘cause my nameless co-worker had to tell everyone what he got me for Christmas and now I keep having to drop my dumb “I can’t get you anything for Christmas” boyfriend’s name every five seconds. Well here comes my next story to help add to the awkwardness. So we’ve been remodeling our office and apparently in order to remodel an office you need a hammer, lots of paint, and extremely hot construction workers. The head construction worker is what we call blessed in the look department. Every single woman in my office would get giggly and drooly whenever he walked in – everyone except me of course ‘cause I was too busy being a smart a*& to him. So we began this little sarcastic flirt whatever you want to call it thing.

Well one day they were measuring how close to put the cabinets and in order to figure it out they needed to know how big the mirrors were that go in between the cabinets. (if you saw the office, that sentence really would make sense.) The mirrors were in our upstairs storage closest and I was the lucky one chosen to show the hot worker where they were so he could measure them. So we ventured upstairs, walked into the storage closest, he closed the door and threw me up against the wall and a make out session began. I mean what else is one to do when you’re in a storage closest alone together?? (I got kissed in a storage closest at my brother’s wedding while I was trying to find a broom, yea that was awkward. And I kissed my boss in the toys r us attic thing. Wow I am a hussy. So moral of this rant is never ever go into a storage closet. Nothing moral will ever emerge) . When there was a break in the kissing he pulled back and where an insanely sweet romantic I-don’t-know-you-but-you’re-hot comment should have been instead there was a “I’m a married man….” Yea loads of remorse streaming off that comment (note the sarcasm). Amazing how quickly a person can become the ugliest person you’ve ever laid eyes on. So after a few choice words I stormed back downstairs. You would think that that would stop him right? Oh no, next day he asked me if I wanted to meet him in the downstairs bathroom in five minutes. I told him to go to hell but I don’t think that was wise of me ‘cause if he actually listens to me I’ll end up running into him there. I’ve kissed a married man! Cursed lips!!!! Bla ewww bla.


ck said...

i can vouche - the necklace is lovely. nice post megs! i'm so proud of my skank of a sister

natali said...

first i am intrigued by the bag you crawled into. was this maybe a tent? i hate the outdoors so i wouldnt recognize one myself.

second adultry doesnt count against you if you didnt know.

third thanks for submitting a guest post.