Wednesday, January 30, 2008

cross pollinating

you know how sometimes you just wake up knowing it’s going to be a weird day? that was me today. i came into work to an email from my boss talking about how he’s wearing green underwear. and then i got an email from my rep at our ad agency. let’s say her name is lucy lee. our account director (aka her boss) is named bobby joe.

so her email comes from a different email address, AND a different domain name (ie – not sent from the ad agency) and her name is noted as lucy joe. so let me do the math for you. boss is married to employee. secretly. she's using her maiden name at her job and her married name places where she isn't sleeping with her boss. sorta explains why their work performance has really gone downhill lately – i guess their meetings aren’t that professionally productive. and all this time i thought he was gay.

makes me feel less bad about dating the boss of one of our partnering companies.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Commence Indignation

so i have been trying to get my friend cicada to guest blog for sometime. i think she said she would for sometime. at this point i am just going to take posts from her blog and guest post for her. i am not sure if that is illegal but i got permission from cicada and polly so i figure i am covered. anyway i think this post is probably about beer and breaking up.


I have a friend. We'll call her Polly.

Polly is one of my favorite people. She is kind, smart, pretty, friendly, fun, and dresses well. Really, it's a winning combination. If I were a guy, I'd date her.

Apparently not all guys think the way I think guys should think.

When I asked Polly about the guy she's been dating over the past month or so, she told me that they broke things off this weekend. I asked why. She said that he came over to visit her one evening and asked her where she thought things were going. She thought this was going to be a "good talk." Then he said that he had some concerns about her.

1) She's vain.

First of all, Polly is not what I would call a vain person. She is certainly pretty, and she does a great job of staying in shape and wearing fantastic clothes. But she's very down-to-earth. When she shared his first point with me, she said, "I only shop sales!!" She also pointed out that this conversation took place while she was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt. She also said that on their first date, when he was talking about what he valued in women, he mentioned that his wife had to be beautiful. I don't think that you can be more beautiful and down-to-earth than Polly. This guy is crazy. (And I'm glad that the craziness came out this early so that they could break things off!)

2) She has a low standard for the company she keeps.

Polly is the only active LDS member of her family. A lot of her friends aren't members of the church. One thing that has always impressed me about Polly is her ability to accept people as they are. I think that it's admirable that she doesn't pass judgment on others just because they make different choices than she does. She doesn't let their actions influence her, either. She honors her beliefs. She also wants to date good members of the church and marry someone who has the same beliefs and lifestyle that she does. That sounds pretty grounded to me. This guy indicated that she should not allow anyone to practice anything that is not in line with her beliefs in front of her, and gave the example that if he is in a bar, he expects everyone to refrain from swearing and expects the bartender to not offer him any alcoholic beverage because the bartender needs to respect his beliefs.

I may add here that this guy is a beer delivery man. So while he's judging Polly for associating with people who drink, he's stocking the city with alcohol.

3) She works too much.

Polly works a full time job. She also does some freelance reporting on the side. In addition to that, she teaches a dance class and does volunteer work. To me, that all looks impressive. It shows an ability to manage time well (and since she's so happy all the time, you know that she's got some good balance in her life). To him, this kind of work ethic, initiative, and income is too much. And I guess in this point I must concede. I totally understand how a beer deliverer would be threatened by her accomplishments and success.

After bringing up all these issues, Polly said that she'd be willing to go 50-50 with him and try to reach a compromise (that may be Polly's only mistake in this whole thing because in my opinion, she should have kicked him out on the curb after he brought up his three concerns). He told her, "Your faults are my mountains and I will die on those mountains before I will ever compromise."

We can only hope that he finds some mountains to die on.

Monday, January 21, 2008

we made each other plenty happy

this movie may be offensive (it couples sexual innuendo with mormon art, architecture, etc.) so please watch (or dont watch) accordingly.



i tried to count the phallic and sexual symbols in this film but i lost count. followed by if this is turning into a music/dating blog clay pointed out the music in this short film is pretty sexy. i dont know if he was being sarcastic. (he said he wasnt). anyway this film might be offensive. but thats not why i posted it. its actually the ending to a long string of movies/tv programs i saw this weekend. they all had sex (and sexuality) themes. the movies, in order of how i viewed them goes as follows:



the first movie was about sex abuse trade of girls and women in a religious (mormon fundamentalist) community portraying the problems that arise in an isolated/patriarchal/ polygamous society. oh and how the first thing you do when you leave mormonism is to drink coffee. the second program was about the sex trade and how girls/women from foreign countries are brought to the US and forced into becoming strippers/prostitutes. the third program i watched was about three different transgendered individuals, their struggle with their sexual identity, and their ultimate sex change operations. the fourth, high fidelity, is about a thirty something man's unsatisfying relationships with women and his inability to commit. the fifth was about a mormon who realized he was gay, decided to remain faithful to the church, but no longer felt his homosexual feelings were a sin (i recommend watching the whole thing. if you feel like a good cry. he builds this huge house for the family he realizes he will never have). the six and last show...well you saw it. its about the conflicting sexual attitudes in a conservative religious community.

sex is a tricky thing. i mean i dont think the actual act but everything surrounding it seems complicated. from all the media i viewed this weekend sexual identity appears to be equally complicated. i cant decide if religion further complicates or clarifies the matter. in a way it does both. obviously religion can be used to facilitate sexual abuse and that is universally frowned upon. but less obvious is the negative attitudes regarding sex that arise (maybe encouraged?) because of religion. i think i understand the origin of the problem. its hard to have a message of abstinence and the sacredness of sex but also talk about sex openly and positively. its hard to have a message of traditional families are the key to salvation but its ok to be gay. hell its even harder to say that gender is eternal but you were born gay (or the wrong gender). its hard to say something is God given and natural but should ONLY be expressed if you are married. its hard to say women should be pure and chaste but are actually sexual beings with sexual impulses and capable of having orgasms (multiple). its hard to say sex is primarily for having kids (so we encourage the kind that results in babies) but its important to have sex to express love (and nothing says i care like giving a bj).

i dont know how to make to sex more positive in religion while still emphasizing its significance. because it is. significant. i dont know how religion can be more accepting of sexual identity and give people the dignity of sexual identification and labeling. i dont know how to promote positive feelings about sex while encouraging celibacy until you are married. i dont know how to say you are an adult but its somehow a bad idea to have an adult (sexually speaking) relationship. i dont know how to explain that sex should be in a healthy, committed relationship because you do form emotional attachments and having sex because you need to be accepted or are having self esteem problems or because you are really sad or any of the other many bad reasons to have sex should definitely be avoided.

these are some of the questions i dont have answers to. but i do think i figured out that "petting" (as used in chastity talks and in the strength of youth pamphlet) is just a hand job.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A laundry list of problems doesn't make you interesting

Increasingly, I have no idea what this blog is about. In fact, I have no idea what it was ever supposed to be about. The most consistant thing I have found is the lack of capital letters. Which just racks my mind even more, because nobody anywhere I Internet these days uses capital letters. It has gotten to where a capital letter on my computer screen is a refreshing thing, which is a really pathetic thing to be refreshed about.

To start, I no longer understand the title, "Modern, Serious Dating is Dead". At first, I liked the ring it had. It seemed like it was one of those f__k yous we always like to give to our parents and the way their generation was. But, it really isn't that. If it was, then we would have called it, "Old-Timer Serious Dating is Dead (so f__k you, Mom and/or Dad)". But, that doesn't have the ring to it that Modern, Serious Dating is Dead has, does it? To answer my own question, no, it does not.

See, I have a hard time with stuff when I can't break it down and make it make sense. For example, after ten years of trying to figure out why the phrase "and how" means what is does, I finally gave up and started using it. How can modern serious dating be dead, when we are in the modern? Dead stuff is past-tense. Maybe it could be "Modern: Serious Dating is Dead".

I have a simple mind and sometimes it is troubled by ridiculous things.

Now, if the title had nothing to do with anything, then I would be at total peace with everything. I can embrace things that don't make sense if they aren't supposed to make sense. But, this title has something to do with things. I don't want the title be changed, because I still like it, I just want to come to terms with it. This is a me problem, and I know that.

I am also having a hard time finding my place on this blog because I have been seriously dating a babe for going on 11 months now. It seems like the only thing most common on this blog than incorrectly uncapitalized letters is weird dating stories. If I had any weird stories to share, I couldn't share it here because my woman reads this blog more than I do. In fact, talk of any sort about our serious dating would be awkward. I wonder if all I have to offer is mushy stuff about me and my woman. I don't want to do that, though. Besides, that's Jefe's job.

I guess I could offer up my services to answer any questions since people in relationships are so great at dispensing advice. It's something I could definitely do. You ask me a question, I post you an answer. You wouldn't be that enlightened, though, because I don't really know what I am talking about. Remember my first post on here? It was about how much I like boobs. That's about all I got when it comes to dating. I can make stuff up, though. On the ldslinkup, I started a thread about online scoring chicks. It didn't really go anywhere, though.

Oh, wait. I just thought of something. Double dating. Me and Lisa are in pretty high demand in the double-dating department. Or, at least people keep telling us that they want to "double" with us. Maybe they are lying. We have only done it a few times, and I think we're pretty good at it. Last time, I tried to get really nervous about it so that it would seem like a bigger deal than it was, but it turned out to be pretty fun and really easy. All it is is hanging out, which I mastered like three years ago. So, this topic is a bust. I, as a dating blogger am a bust.

What the earth do you want from me?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Jewelry, supply closets, and racking men

we have yet another guest poster. this post was submitted by ck's sister meghan from denver, colorado. i think this is a great post about what the holidays can do to relationships, dating co-workers and adultery. enjoy.


You know you’re in trouble when your co-worker tells you he has a surprise for you but he can’t bring it into work because it’s only for you and he can’t do it over the lunch break ‘cause it’ll take longer than thirty minutes….Needless to say when my co-worker who will remain anonymous (that makes it seem like I’m nice, but in reality he’s the only male that works in my office) told me this I seriously contemplated slashing my own car tires just to have an excuse to not drive over to his apartment. But tires are expensive so instead I followed him to his apartment and clutched my mace as I entered his humble abode.

Let me back up a little bit. This is the same co-worker that knows I’m in a long distance relationship (we have both decided that we’re not exclusive at the moment. I just have to throw that in there so that when you read the next paragraph you won’t think I’m a hussy.) This is also the boy who took me to the world series game. If you don’t put out after getting taken to the world series, chances are you’re never going to. But does that make people give up? Oh no, it makes them buy you insanely huge Christmas bags that you can crawl into and have a tea party in with your three favorite dolls. Inside the bag of insane proportions were about fifteen individually wrapped presents – all of them being very goofy and funny and dripping with “our inside jokes” amazing how a joke can be so inside that you don’t even realize it exists. After we chuckled and I did an awkward shuffle towards the door…he pulled out my “real present.” It was a white gold gorgeous sapphire necklace, the dumb thing really is easily valued over $200. (I googled it) And what did I get from my actual boyfriend in a different state?? I’d rather not talk about it...though that’s just say it was easily valued at $0.

So now rumors are soaring at work ‘cause my nameless co-worker had to tell everyone what he got me for Christmas and now I keep having to drop my dumb “I can’t get you anything for Christmas” boyfriend’s name every five seconds. Well here comes my next story to help add to the awkwardness. So we’ve been remodeling our office and apparently in order to remodel an office you need a hammer, lots of paint, and extremely hot construction workers. The head construction worker is what we call blessed in the look department. Every single woman in my office would get giggly and drooly whenever he walked in – everyone except me of course ‘cause I was too busy being a smart a*& to him. So we began this little sarcastic flirt whatever you want to call it thing.


Well one day they were measuring how close to put the cabinets and in order to figure it out they needed to know how big the mirrors were that go in between the cabinets. (if you saw the office, that sentence really would make sense.) The mirrors were in our upstairs storage closest and I was the lucky one chosen to show the hot worker where they were so he could measure them. So we ventured upstairs, walked into the storage closest, he closed the door and threw me up against the wall and a make out session began. I mean what else is one to do when you’re in a storage closest alone together?? (I got kissed in a storage closest at my brother’s wedding while I was trying to find a broom, yea that was awkward. And I kissed my boss in the toys r us attic thing. Wow I am a hussy. So moral of this rant is never ever go into a storage closet. Nothing moral will ever emerge) . When there was a break in the kissing he pulled back and where an insanely sweet romantic I-don’t-know-you-but-you’re-hot comment should have been instead there was a “I’m a married man….” Yea loads of remorse streaming off that comment (note the sarcasm). Amazing how quickly a person can become the ugliest person you’ve ever laid eyes on. So after a few choice words I stormed back downstairs. You would think that that would stop him right? Oh no, next day he asked me if I wanted to meet him in the downstairs bathroom in five minutes. I told him to go to hell but I don’t think that was wise of me ‘cause if he actually listens to me I’ll end up running into him there. I’ve kissed a married man! Cursed lips!!!! Bla ewww bla.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

the beauty of speed

judith butler argues that gender is a performance. there are all these attitudes, acts, gestures and behaviors that a body adopts to appear normal. there is a broad set of acts that culturally constitute normal maleness and another set for normal femaleness. what counts is our ability to perform these roles correctly. these acts, however, are only "expressions of the political structures of a certain culture at a certain phase in its history" even though they are represented (culturally, religiously and/or scientifically) as normal and inevitable. failure to correctly perform gender roles can lead to isolation, harassment, violence, rape and even death. yet we all fail, at times, in our gender(ed) performances. could this be a kind of natural resistance to the artificiality of gender?



if our notions of gender are artificial productions of institutions that need individual subjects to perform these roles correctly as a strategy of (self)regulation and institutional power retention, what are we to do? expose gender as a fake through subversion.

i've been thinking a lot about love songs lately. or rather, i've been thinking about love songs that challenge the conventions of the love song. and since this blog appears to now temporarily function as a music/dating (or a dating-music) blog, i'll use it to ramble on about some unfocused thoughts on love songs.

but first i want to undermine (in my own way) good taste. ask any of my friends or family and they'll tell you that i don't believe (1) in any kind of transcendent aesthetics (meaning that i don't think any piece of art, and i include nearly everything in my definition of art, is objectively good or bad) and (2) we don't choose what we like but rather like the music we like for a million reasons we're usually not even conscious of from status-markers to identification with certain sub-cultures to nostalgic triggers.

back to love songs.

i have an idea to make a modern, serious dating is dead mix-tape. (i actually mean a mix cd or ipod playlist but i think we all understand that mix-tapes rarely are tapes now-a-days.) it would be full of the kind of love songs i respond to: odd, disjointed, full of strange metaphors for love and sex, sarcastic, hopeless while hopeful and noisy. i'm work-shopping it now and will be happy to distribute this future mix-tape to any readers and/or contributors of this blog. but i am sure that most of you will hate it.

two songs that i know will make the cut: "collide" by beat happening and "some candy talking" by the jesus and mary chain.

above is beat happening probably playing a show in someone's house. but don't let their home-made, minimal, nerdy and naive appearance fool you; they're dead serious. their music might be low-fi, fey and child-like (in the best possible way) but their lyrics are dark and complex dripping with sex and violence. "collide," for instance, is about sex and nothing else. collide becomes a euphemism for sex that's repeated over and over and over throughout the song broken up by snippets of even sexier lyrics like "you're lying there," or "take off your shirt" or "you earthquake all over me." but you never realize just how much sex is the song because the music is so simple and sweet.


and that's the jesus and mary chain. as you can see, they're all about haircuts. a lot of people think "some candy talking" is about heroin, but if it is, it's probably the second best love song about heroin (the first being the velvet underground's "heroin"). but love and drugs seem related anyway. i like it because it's all feedback and white noise with this pretty melody talking about liking the way she's walking and talking.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Monday, January 07, 2008

proud to call you family

i always feel like i have to sell my dad on my boyfriends. i don't. he's always way more supportive than my mom. but i still feel like i do. which is why when i announced to him that i'm officially in a relationship i started describing all of the guy's good qualities. then i told him how mom approves and so does my bishop and my sister. he stopped me and said

dad - you don't need to convince me. i know he's a great guy.
me - yeah. and even if you didn't, everybody else does and if you can't beat em join em, right?
dad - exactly. it reminds me of one of my favorite sayings
me - which is?
dad - a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.
me - .......
.........................
....what does that even mean?
dad - i have no idea. it's a funny saying though, huh?

Friday, January 04, 2008

remains of the saint

bishop: do you have problems paying your tithing?
me: no. bishop how many times do i have to tell you i only want to drink coffee and mess around with boys.
bishop: oh boy.
me: seriously.
bishop: i hate being a bishop.
me: i bet (that last part is made up but i think its true).

Bishop: Are you dating?
Me: No.
Bishop: Are you trying?
Me: No.
Bishop: Do you want to try?
Me: No.
Bishop: Should we talk about something else?
Me: Yes.

bishop: its fine to kiss boys.
me: ummm yeah. i sort of just end up doing all that stuff we just went over.
bishop: try a nice kiss goodnight (no tongue).
me: bishop i'm not going to make it.
bishop: you might... (i made this part up too)(technically he was much more optimistic).

Bishop: how do you feel about the things you've done?
Me: bad.
Bishop: Are you ever going to do them again?
Me: hesitate.
Me: hesitate.
Me: hesitate.
Me: um...
Me: (inside my head): no promises.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Someone told me theres a girl out there, With love in her eyes and flowers in her hair

i believe that everyone comes into my life for a reason. i've mostly always felt that way. work friends, real friends, people i date... with people i date especially. i'm not talking one date. i'm talking about people i "date". no matter how short-lived it was, or how badly it ended, i truly believe there was a reason we came together. maybe i had something to learn from them, or something to teach them, etc.

i've thought about his a lot, and God doesn't put people in my life to date in order for me to find an eternal companion. no, he puts people into my life to date to introduce me to new awesome music. true, i've done quite a bit of the introducing myself, but let's take a look at several important people in my life who have made an impact on my music library. if it wasn't an introduction to the band, i surely fell in love with the band because of my introduction to the person. their names have been left out to protect me. fine, them too.

1. the southern baptist skater boy who was several years older than me and scared the crap out of my parents: 8th grade. he introduced me to the smiths and OMD. he introduced me to lots more, but these two have stuck with me big time. as a side note, he's also the reason i was into skaters and skaters only for like 10 years. oh, and he's the first boy who made me cry myself to sleep.

2. the first: 11th grade - freshman in college. he introduced me to the eagles, journey, and tears for fears to name a few. i still love all those bands. mostly. also, "the first" isn't referring to sex.

3. the bfffs: screamy music, taking back sunday and mcr, frou frou, rilo kiley, the sounds. but mostly the honorary title. say what you will, i love it all. lately he's been into pat benetar and clapton. i don't know what that means. he also effed me up pretty badly. was it worth the music? maybe not. was it worth everything else? probably.

4. the british boyfriend: gave me, in addition to jose gonzales, lots of british music before it was released in the u.s. of a. the kooks, arctic monkeys, nizlopi. i still think of him when i hear going to california by zeppelin.

5. the latest: what can i say, i hit the jackpot. wilco, radiohead, kings of leon, feist, my morning jacket, wilco, spoon, kings of convenience, sufjan, blonde redhead, radiohead, lcd soundsystem, devotchka, amongst others. some of my favorite music in life thus far was introduced to me through this one. but you know what one of the best things i got from this one was? my twin

i only keep dating to keep the music alive.

Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me