Saturday, February 03, 2007

tools, part II

I came into work on Friday morning and had this conversation almost immediately:
tool: How was night boarding the other day? Did you still have the knack for it?

me: Um…I actually didn’t even end up going boarding!

tool: Well, I didn’t need to hear that one. That means you could have hung out that night and you dogged me for nothing! Becky, had I known you were gonna be that scared to hang out with me, I wouldn’t have emailed you. If you just want to look at me when I walk by and think to yourself "oh, he’s cute", but never hang, that’s ok. lol

me: Well, I didn’t know in advance that my plans would fall through.

tool: Becky, are we gonna hang out, or are I am just gonna have to email you every other day at work for some "work small talk"… If we’re gonna hang, then let’s set up a time and do it, if not, then just say not and it’s all good too.

me: What, you don’t like our exciting email conversations?


let me interrupt with *PSYCHO ALERT*!

tool: Oh, they are very stimulating and all. They are definitely better than having actual person contact with someone for sure! NOT… Do you have anymore questions for me, or what? You always avoid the questions as well. Just like a girl, can’t answer a question straight, beat around the bush for nineteen years until the guy just can’t take it anymore. I give up then. I’ve asked you like four times when we’re hanging out and I don’t need a lawnmower anymore, because you have beat the crap out of every bush possible!!!
later

*and then immediately after*

tool: Here is an approach for you though. Next time you think a guy is cute, try walking up to him and saying something like this… "Hey, you’re pretty good lookin’. I don’t know if you have a girlfriend or not, but if you don’t, then let’s go hang out sometime. Here is my number or you can give me yours and I’ll give you a call"

*and then immediately after*

tool: Yes, it is that simple. I’ve done it plenty of times.
strangely this didn't scare me. it amused me quite a bit, though.

me: Seth Seth Seth, don’t be such an angry person! I was just teasing you with that last one.
(i realize its too late to change names to protect the innocent. also, who's the innocent?)

seth: Oh, Becky, Becky, Becky… I’m not angry at all. I’m just blunt. I like to get to the point and then figure things out afterward. I’m definitely not angry though. I am laughing btw at that comment though… pretty good.

i can't believe he went ballistic and then gave me props on my response. this is when i started becoming intrigued. I tell my british friend Daniel "i hate this guy SO bad and I don't even know him. it kind of intrigues me" He gives me the LOL. I say, "i meant it intrigues me almost to the point of wanting to hang out with him." He tells me he better not EVER hear that i've hung out with him. hmmmm.....

me: to answer your question, I’ve finally settled the debate, and am down for hanging out. But I won’t be able to until at least Sunday.

seth: Now we’re making progress… Sunday is the super bowl though, so it will have to be a little later that night like 9 or so and your curfew is 11, so we’ll have a couple hours to hang.

me: Actually, I don’t work Mondays, so I don’t have a curfew on Sunday nights. Maybe I should set one anyway, though, just in case you decide to go on a lawn-mowing tirade again.

seth: I can’t anymore the lawn has already been hacked to pieces….Are you gonna call me or do you want me to call you?

I can't wait to tell this story to our grandchildren. Or my Advocate at the crisis center when i file the restraining order.

4 comments:

punk rock girl said...

i take partial credit for the baboon but this is out of my hands...

brian said...

did that guy really say not? because that can be pretty funny if said in certain contexts by certain people with a history of not saying not. does that make sense? so throwback jokes (jokes you made when you were eleven, forgot about for years, then try and revive but only as an ironic comment on everybody's nostalgic obsessions) are only funny when said dead-panned (or sometimes over exaggerated but never funny anywhere in between) at completely unpredictable times. or if someone says the same throwback joke every day. at some point that becomes funny.

becky said...

i see your argument. however, not was only said by him because he's a huge tool and actually uses that kind of lingo

becky said...

what i am just saying is that you give him way too much credit. also, the funny thing about him using not, is that 10 min earlier he gave me crap for saying booty call.

anywho, here is an update. i did hang out with him, and he's totally crazy. not like crazy in the cool, endearing way. just crazy in the absolutely out of his mind CRAZY way. if he doesn't have a second personality, he at least has a voice or two in his head.