Monday, February 19, 2007
i dont know if it is the lawyer in me (is there a lawyer in me? i wonder that a lot) but i really liked the idea of creating rules/standards that you can rely on when you are dating. that way, when you break up and dont know what to say you can cite something like, pursuant to USC 83 (a) 12 its over, etc. that way you know if you have a duty to someone including third parties. that way if your there is a dispute on whether you are in the wrong there are clear guidelines.
because as the article points out, although in relationships you are supposed to accept the person for who they are and a "formalist view that a relationship is a have for idiosyncratic behavior, parties cannot escape the notions of reasonableness that pervade society, and will advert to them when disputes arise." (id. at 723).
for the sake of brevity i will only expound on a couple of concepts that i found the most interesting and useful.
the article discusses several models under which people begin dating. my favorite and the one i do the most often is the informal acquaintance model. in entering this relationship the parties must consider the following factors
1. avoid any tendency towards willful blindness: flirting with no interest, this encourages reliance and may foreclose the innocent party from pursing other deals (ie the non bf)
2. establish a claim of right through possession: perhaps the first person to establish a "claim" on an unattached newcomer has superior rights. however courts wrestle with the question of what constitutes possession and actual possession is widely conceded as proof of superior rights. ill will can be particularly strong when one party has long attempted to establish a relationship but has failed only to see another succeeds. (dibs)
3. corporate opportunity doctrine: exploitation by friends and acquaintances: in principle if a party cannot avail himself or herself of a relationship then others may pursue the opportunity wiht impunity. in practice, such doctrines are rarely neatly or painlessly applied and those aggrieved by another's success but who lack a legal right to relief, often seek other avenues of redress. (id. at 716).
i liked this section because it deals situations i have dealt with in the past. situations in which no actual dating has occurred but there are rules and regulations still surrounding the situation. even not dating can be very complicated.
and this was another highlight, constructive eviction. this is a "common tactic employed by moving parties who wish to dissolve a relationship, but who lack the wherewithal to articulate any ground at all, even pretextual. rather than confront the anguish of breaking up, the disaffected party engages in conduct so unbearable that the opposing party find the relationship uninhabitable. such behavior often includes picking fights, refusing to return phone calls, breaking plans, regularly, and conspicuously avoiding public appearances as a couple. the opposing party feels forced by the moving party's behavior to initiate the breakup. this is a form of fraud by the moving party and is highly disfavored."(id. at 727).
yeah been there...nothing better than having to break up with someone for their reasons which they refuse to share.
anyway the whole article is a pretty good read and i recommend looking it over. it gives some great guidelines from things spanning from first dates to dealbreakers to religious differences to proper break ups. finally, i have more than he's just not that into you which as far as i can tell is the most cited authority on the subject.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
maybe we should keep this strictly digital/keepin it in the family (two titles for the two subjects covered)
1. he's significantly younger than i am (he's 21. eek!)
2. (and this is probably the biggest) i dated his older brother (and it did not end well).
that's right, i'm keepin it in the family! have you ever done this? this is how it came about (so you can know how to avoid doing the same thing):
older brother comes over to the house and brings younger brother (yb) and younger brothers friend (ybf). apparently older brother thought i would like ybf because he dresses like my non-boyfriend (he was wrong, ps, they don't dress alike). so they all come over and i think "hmmm....yb is looking cute". i met him when he was 18. on christmas eve. at the family's. awkward.
so i get ybf's phone number so my roommate and i can hang out with him and yb later, without older brother there (he didn't like that, but whatev). now, i was thinking it would be pretty funny to makeout with older brother's yb. mainly because its the younger brother of someone i dated and how is that NOT funny. and secondly because i liked yb's shaggy hair. i didn't think yb would actually want to DATE me. i mean, he's 21!! doesn't anyone (who's 21) like random makeouts anymore? but as it turns out, i like his (text) personality, and i figured maybe if we were one-on-one his in-person personality would shine. so i decided to go out with him. here are the issues that come up (came up) when dating the yb of someone you dated (and it did NOT end well):
1. even though you thought the brothers looked NOTHING alike, sometimes when yb laughs a certain way, or makes a certain face, he looks/sounds EXACTLY like older brother.
2. i mention something and he says "yeah, "older brother" told me that.
3. he's not sure what to mention about his family because i probably already know it all.
what was i thinking!?! i'm TRIPPING OUT! that being said, the date actually went quite well. but i'm still not sure about his in-person personality. i think the reason there was conversation was because i was forcing there to be. and after that we just watched arrested development, and who doesn't have fun doing that?! i've decided to give him a second date. i mean, his texts are SO GREAT!
Monday, February 05, 2007
and then once my friend scott dated a girl who broke up with him after watching the notebook. she didnt feel like they fought enough. i am no marriage counselor...but that is stupid. jessica simpson apparently made the decision to divorce her husband because of the notebook. um...yeah. i question all epiphanies that are a direct result of bad romance movies. but more than that, i question anyone who actually ADMITS that the notebook in anyway influenced their romantic decisions. i never tell anyone about the life changing decisions i make while watching maui fever (but if you must know they include avoiding relationships that require any sort of emotional attachments and wearing banana clips).
Sunday, February 04, 2007
anyway, so i was skating around the side by myself looking to see if heidi was around by the food. as i was skating i saw the 21 year. he saw me. and then he got up and skated away quickly. i think i had a flash back to junior high. not because this happened to me in junior high but because i think if a boy is going to skate away from you it should probably happen when you are 14. so he spent the whole night avoiding me. jr jr broke up with me.
i actually panicked that maybe he read this blog. there is no way right?right??
Saturday, February 03, 2007
tool: How was night boarding the other day? Did you still have the knack for it?
me: Um…I actually didn’t even end up going boarding!
tool: Well, I didn’t need to hear that one. That means you could have hung out that night and you dogged me for nothing! Becky, had I known you were gonna be that scared to hang out with me, I wouldn’t have emailed you. If you just want to look at me when I walk by and think to yourself "oh, he’s cute", but never hang, that’s ok. lol
me: Well, I didn’t know in advance that my plans would fall through.
tool: Becky, are we gonna hang out, or are I am just gonna have to email you every other day at work for some "work small talk"… If we’re gonna hang, then let’s set up a time and do it, if not, then just say not and it’s all good too.
me: What, you don’t like our exciting email conversations?
let me interrupt with *PSYCHO ALERT*!
tool: Oh, they are very stimulating and all. They are definitely better than having actual person contact with someone for sure! NOT… Do you have anymore questions for me, or what? You always avoid the questions as well. Just like a girl, can’t answer a question straight, beat around the bush for nineteen years until the guy just can’t take it anymore. I give up then. I’ve asked you like four times when we’re hanging out and I don’t need a lawnmower anymore, because you have beat the crap out of every bush possible!!!
*and then immediately after*
tool: Here is an approach for you though. Next time you think a guy is cute, try walking up to him and saying something like this… "Hey, you’re pretty good lookin’. I don’t know if you have a girlfriend or not, but if you don’t, then let’s go hang out sometime. Here is my number or you can give me yours and I’ll give you a call"
*and then immediately after*
tool: Yes, it is that simple. I’ve done it plenty of times.strangely this didn't scare me. it amused me quite a bit, though.
me: Seth Seth Seth, don’t be such an angry person! I was just teasing you with that last one.(i realize its too late to change names to protect the innocent. also, who's the innocent?)
i can't believe he went ballistic and then gave me props on my response. this is when i started becoming intrigued. I tell my british friend Daniel "i hate this guy SO bad and I don't even know him. it kind of intrigues me" He gives me the LOL. I say, "i meant it intrigues me almost to the point of wanting to hang out with him." He tells me he better not EVER hear that i've hung out with him. hmmmm.....
seth: Oh, Becky, Becky, Becky… I’m not angry at all. I’m just blunt. I like to get to the point and then figure things out afterward. I’m definitely not angry though. I am laughing btw at that comment though… pretty good.
me: to answer your question, I’ve finally settled the debate, and am down for hanging out. But I won’t be able to until at least Sunday.
seth: Now we’re making progress… Sunday is the super bowl though, so it will have to be a little later that night like 9 or so and your curfew is 11, so we’ll have a couple hours to hang.
me: Actually, I don’t work Mondays, so I don’t have a curfew on Sunday nights. Maybe I should set one anyway, though, just in case you decide to go on a lawn-mowing tirade again.
seth: I can’t anymore the lawn has already been hacked to pieces….Are you gonna call me or do you want me to call you?
I can't wait to tell this story to our grandchildren. Or my Advocate at the crisis center when i file the restraining order.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
1) irreconsible differences (that one can be used in legal proceedings)
2) they make you horribly unhappy
3) you dont like their personality
4) lost that lovin feeling
5) kissing their roommate
this list is not all inclusive. i mean we all have different reasons. but i dont really like when people bring in third parties, like the Holy Ghost (if you are dating someone else thats a fair third party to bring up) instead of stating the real reasons you want to break up.
anyway, it just didnt feel right when i prayed about it, pondered about it in the temple, or when i read the description of my spouse in my patriarchal blessing just doesnt fly with me. its just too easy. no one can counter the Holy Ghost. how do you respond to that? because we all know there are real reasons you are breaking up (see list 1-6) but you are bringing up the personal revelation to avoid telling the person you are dating you arent really that attracted to them.
i would actually rather hear i dont know why we are breaking up which is the second lamest thing to say to someone. i only got "it just didnt feel right" once. it was with a guy i went out with like six times and i was like wait...did you PRAY about us? weird. i dont feel right about you praying about us. he is married. to some girl he felt right about. way to follow that spiritual prompting.
(ps i would like to add i did not intend for this post to be offensive or disrespectful in anyway. i am a believer in personal revelation and promptings. i think its offensive when people dont want to date you anymore and tell you God doesnt want you to date anymore. but thats just me)
So last week I was walking in to work and this guy is walking in at the same time, so he strikes up a conversation. Totally flirty. And cute. Who is this guy? I thought I knew every semi-attractive male at the company, but apparently I missed one. He's totally chummy, and completely flirty and his name is Seth. So I do what any normal girl would do--find out his sitch. I know he works in Collections, and we have basically zero interaction with Collections, so I go upstairs and ask my friend Tex if she knows him. This was kind of a shot in the dark. I was hoping she had seen him around since they work on the same floor, but unfortunately she had no idea who I was talking about. This is exactly what I say to her (this will be important later on): "So I met this hot guy from Collections in the parking lot today. His name is Seth, do you know him?" She didn't, but she said she'd do some detective work and get back to me. Later the same day she emails me this:
Later the same day? Man, she's good! So Terry is this guy that had a crush on me when he first started at the company. He's married now, but I'm thinking "he'd put in a good word for me if I wanted him to". So this past Tuesday I come in to work and there is an email from Tex waiting for me. This is what it said:
Ok so here is the deal… Not married, don’t know if he has a girlfriend…. But he is Terry Holmes old roommate(he referred Terry here).. So when he gets back on Monday we can get some more answers!
WTF? (it may seem like it now, but I promise this is not a horror story). I was laughing about this email all day, because you have to wonder...what the crap kind of questions did Tex ask Terry? Anywho, I had one follow-up question...how old is he? 26. phew. I tell Tex that I've been laughing about her email all day, and she says her and Terry composed it together and thought they were pretty funny. I'm sorry, did you say you and Terry composed it together? Apparently "detective work" to Tex means "tell the dudes best friend that Becky was asking about him". I'm over it. Don't get bored. The story is just about to get good.
Ok so here is the wrap sheet on Parking lot lover:
Not super LDS is struggling with it
Not down with commitment
Does have a streak of cocky (All in good fun)
Bull faced honest
Zipper sparker/Levi loving is acceptable….
Engage at own risk… No grantees!!! Core personality good guy!!
Convo starter: Ask about the sheet rubbing!
So I tell non-boyfriend about Tex's email, because I think its funny. Actually, I forwarded Tex's email to non-boyfriend. His response? "Is his name Seth?" oh crap. son of a...he knows him? ahhhhh why? WHY? He procedes to tell me that this guy is a huge tool. Actually, I think his actual response will be more effective:
Haha! Ah ha ha ha ha ha! That guy is such a tool! Remind me to tell you a hilarious story about him!!He came over to my desk to tell me how he used to work with Seth at Discover Card and Seth was on Elimidate. I'm sorry, what? Not only was he on Elimidate, but he was the first eliminated. On the first date they went to a club. All of the guys were ordering cocktails. He wasn't. They asked him why he didn't drink, and what did he do? He flexed his biceps and said "THIS is why I don't drink". hahahahaha. What an IDIOT! I tell Tex about this and we have a good laugh. She says she'll be sure to give him crap about it. I email Tex:
In my latest tradition of trying to give people a chance, I decide not to write him off because he was on elimidate (keep in mind, this is really really hard for me). Later the same day, I get a panicky email from Tex: "Dude Im coming to talk to you!!!! Parking lot boy is out of control!" Hmmm....I meet her in the lunch room. She said Seth went over to talk to Terry and Terry told him about me. Then Seth had a freak-out. He was saying things like "if she wanted to talk to me, why didn't she just email me?" and "I just feel like we're in jr. high with a million people being involved like this". Tex was like "dude, she was just trying to be respectful and find out if you had a girlfriend before emailing you and looking like an ass, and last time I checked there were like three people involved". Then he started talking about dating people from work, and what if we made out, etc. Oh geez, someone is getting ahead of himself. So Tex is like "first of all, who said anything about dating? we're talking about hanging out here. And she's not a clingy girl. IF you did make out, she'd probably smack you on the arm and be like 'see ya tomorrow'". haha I love you Tex. Anyway, when he walked away Tex was like "dude, Terry, what was that all about? homeboy just freaked out". Terry was like "please don't tell Becky about that, I don't know what that was all about, but he really is a cool/good guy". Later Terry was like "did you respect my wishes and not tell Becky about that?" and she says "of course I told Becky" and he says "so is he out?" and she says "I don't know, we'll have to discuss it". I was like holy crap, this guy is full of himself. I'm over it.
me: I'm not gonna lie...the elimidate story is kind of a turnoff, right?
tex: Well it depends how you take it, you have to give it to him that he didn’t try to order a cocktail and try to be someone he is not, and the reason that he gave was funny. Not too serious. The guys might not have dug it but you know it made her laugh! I think its funny! But the fact that he didn’t make it past the first round is not too good, unless he was not going to be drinking and clubbing and doin it and she didn’t dig him for that!
At the end of my shift I go upstairs to talk to Tex about something unrelated. Two minutes after I sit down, Seth walks over. Apparently Terri emailed him and told him I was up there. This next conversation might be hard to believe, but I swear it happened. I have witnesses.
The first thing he does is gets in my face and says "enquiring minds want to know!" Are you kidding me? Who says that? I just look at him like "are you kidding me? who says that?" I don't say anything. He sits down and tries to have a conversation with me. I'm not giving him much to go on. I hate him. He's like "so...do you have any other questions for me?" Oh my cocky. I say "no. I'm pretty tapped out". Then I say "I don't think I need to know everything about you right now" and he says "I bet there's an empty conference room somewhere. You could find out everything you need to know in 10 minutes". ewww I just barfed. I just look at him like he's a tool and say "this is what I know about you so far: 1. you're a smart-ass. 2. wait...no...that's it." Somewhere in the conversation he also says "yeah, I thought you were the one Terry was talking about when he said a girl in the parking lot, but I talk to a lot of people. I'm just really friendly". Okay, so why did you run over here as soon as I came upstairs? I hate him. Then someone from his department called him over because they needed something and he says "I'll be right back". As soon as he walks away I say "I'm leaving, talk to you tomorrow Tex". I hate him so bad. I text the non-boyfriend and I tell him I hate that dude, and I'm sure he hates me too.
The next morning I'm walking into work and I see his truck pull up. Oh great. He yells across the parking lot "you're not going to hold the door for me?" I wasn't going to, but whatever. I say "hurry up then". So we walk in together and he says "so I guess you didn't get my email, because you didn't respond". What? I thought we hated each other. I tell him, no, I didn't get it. He tells me to respond. Ok. So I go to my desk and respond to his email. p.s. his email was lame. It was asking me about what shift I work. no creativity whatsoever. Then this happens:
this was not entirely true. I was in the process of making plans to possibly go boarding that night with someone else, so it was the first "i have plans. sorry" excuse that came to my head.
him: Well miss Jackson. I guess my question was answered about your shift. You kind of throw out the cold shoulder a little though. After yesterday, I even I had a break reserved… I’m disappointed. j/k. What’s up tonight? Got anything fun planned Becky?
me: Yes, actually, I think I’m going night boarding at Brighton. Do you snowgboard?
At this point I realize he is trying to make plans with me after my plans. I hate him. He has a huge head so I decide to be a brat. My british friend Daniel tells me to be careful because guys like him like it when girls are bitchy to them. He won't like this, I think to myself. I decide to call him out.
him: Yeah, I do both actually. Night boarding isn’t as fun as day though. All the good runs close down. I like the top of solitude a lot also. Do you have to come in to work every day at 5 in the morning?
me: Night boarding scares me because I haven’t been boarding in forever and I might die. j/k. kind of. Yeah, I work from 5:45 until like 2:00ish everyday. It’s not so bad. What sucks is that I work at 5:30 every Saturday.
him: Yeah, but 5:30 every Saturday? Doesn’t that ruin the night life a little bit? Our schedules up here kind of depend on what we have going on, but my schedule for at least 3 days out of the week is from 11-8. I stay up to late at night sometimes. Well, are you prepping yourself up for a late night tonight?
me: 11-8? Does that suck? I would hate it. I try to go to bed early since I work so early, but that never happens. I try not to let my work schedule interfere with my totally rockin social life. haha. Actually, I never do anything too crazy on Fridays. I save that for Saturday.
him: One day a week huh? You can stay up late one night during the weekdays and be ok. When are you getting back from boarding? You need to be willing to negotiate Becky.
I hate him
me: I stay up until like 11 every night. That’s pretty late when you have to wake up at 4:30, don’t you think? Or am I a total lightweight? I have no idea when I’m getting back from boarding. I’m not driving, so I don’t have as much of a say. Are you trying to booty call me?
him: Do you still call it a booty call these days? I thought that was a 90’s term. j/k Why don’t you ask me when I am going to bed, so you’re the one booty calling me. Hey, you can give me a little slack for not being totally blunt here, because you asked two people ninety questions about me you know. You could have just emailed me or something.
I hate him. There is no way I'm hanging out with him. I decide to mess with him.
me: Let’s just come back to reality here for a minute. It was like 2 questions, not 90. I thought you were cute in the parking lot, but I didn’t know if you had a gf so I asked. The rest was out of my hands. But it worked pretty good, right? Maybe I should hire a team of people to work for me.
him: Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea to hire a few. Are we on negotiating terms yet? You just skipped the main topic of conversation. 1.) Let’s hang out 2.) Have a curfew of 11 if you need to 3.) Don’t call it a booty call if that makes a difference in whether or not we hang out.
I hate him. get over yourself.
me: Oh, we’re negotiating. Here are my terms:
1) I’m pretty busy this week, but I might be able to squeeze you in, if you’re lucky.
2) If it’s a week night, my curfew is 11pm
3) You can call it a booty call if you want, because lets face it, IF that happens, that’s what it is.
a. Unless you fall crazy in love with me, which you probably will.
4) If you come to my place, you have to play Guitar Hero
him: Come on. It’s all about priorities. Guitar hero? Well, I guess I could check that out. Come on, let’s not overstep things here. Falling in love isn’t really on the agenda for me here, so I need to know your motives. Do you think I’m good looking, or do you have a crush on me? Your curfew is fine though. Oh, where do you live anyway?
ok, i'll give him that. wait, i still hate him.
me: I don’t even know you. How could I have a crush? I thought it was pretty obvious that my falling in love comment was a joke. I live in an old folks residency
him: Well, this is the problem with emails I suppose. You can never fully tell where the sarcasm is. I was kidding with the motives comment as well. I should have put j/k behind it or something. Now, not being able to have a crush on me another story… it all starts with a smile. Ha ha Oh, you don’t live in an old folks residency either. I live in cottonwood heights for example, now your turn. Do you want me to list the cities in Salt Lake County? lol
oh, he's still trying for tonight? the persistance is admirable. i still hate him.
me: True. I’m pretty sarcastic just so you know. I really do live in an old people community! Well, not technically, but basically! Its in Murray on 9th eastish
him: Well, will old folks get mad if you have a visitor? My house is getting remodeled right now, it caught on fire a couple weeks ago. I’ll tell you the story in person. I am living in a hotel for like another week, till they finish fixing it. It’s all good though. Ummm. The bottom line is this though. You’re good looking, I’m not bad and you’ll most likely need a good cuddle after skiing anyway, so let’s hang.
me: You should really quit smoking when you’re reading the morning paper—it’s a fire hazard. Seriously, tonight isn’t going to happen. I know you’re excited to see me, but if it happens, its going to have to be another night.
him: Alright, alright. I tried to negotiate, it didn’t work. Failed miserably. If you want to hang, then let me know. If not, we can still say "hi" in the parking lot at Advanta, right?
I hate him. Somewhere in the middle of that email conversation he came down to my desk and snuck up on me. Not only that, but he brought a posse with him, to "meet me". WTF? what is he telling people up in collections? kill me now.
I guess Daniel was right. Cocky guys love it when girls treat them like crap. Or maybe I'm not as bratty as I think. He does have a nice body. And he looks good in a beanie. I hate him. I'm never hanging out with the Tool. I think I've filled my quota for my lifetime.