Friday, May 18, 2007

the baseball theory of dating


awhile back i came up with the baseball theory of dating. it was in response to dating and being mormon and dating mormons. here is how it goes. girls should have three guys on base at all times. that means unless you have a boyfriend do your best not to get to involved in any one guy (avoid hyperfocusing). boys should have one up to bat at a time. that means if you are a guy you should try dating one girl until you decide you dont like her and then then next girl gets up to bat (try focusing). its an attempt to somehow normalize dating habits and practices in an otherwise abnormal dating environment. and that in summary is the baseball theory on dating. and now for my reasoning.

last sunday in church the speaker was a 22 year old returned missionary lamenting his dating problems. he didnt know which girl was the right girl for him. he went on to say he had been dating a girl seriously and prayed about about her his wife. but he didnt feel great so he broke it off. he then proceeded to say he thinks he escaped an eternity of misery by following this prompting. but added, she was a great girl. which sums up how i feel when i date mormon guys. you are always on audition. are you in fact the one? but even though you are great there is that certain indescribable characteristic that they cant articulate but you glaringly lack. and what if you arent the one and they accidentally marry you and great they are in misery for eternity (all your fault). i feel like boys are always wondering if i measure up to every stereotype of womanhood and have every quality of motherness and will i always be skinny even after having six kids but most importantly am i the one or is there another girl out there i might like a little more.

i dont really blame mormon guys. its not their fault. this is the problem in any small religious group that places a lot of emphasis on marriage and marrying the right person and marrying within the religion and marrying a stalwart member within the religion and marrying for forever to boot. but it puts me in a pickle. i really like realness and honesty and acceptance and appreciation in relationships. and i find that more outside of mormondon, not exclusively outside but mostly. i think ck once told me that her best boyfriends were either 1)converts 2)inactives or 3) nonmembers. ahem is all have to say to that.

this post is not in anyway supposed to be about how mormon boys are not dateable. they are. i have dated a lot in my day and i have generally enjoyed the experience. i am just trying to highlight a problem i think comes from dating within a small religious group. i am just suggesting that dating would be easier if you werent limited to 2% of the population. but even without the numbers there do seem to be some serious problems with how dating is approached in our subculture and strange expectations and views on the matter. and maybe my baseball theory will fix it. i doubt it. play ball.

22 comments:

becky said...

i think people shy away from going out with the same person twice because, what will people think? people are too worried about the assumptions other people make. and by "other people" i mean ward members. like if you are seen with the same person twice it's all "oooo they're totally getting married", or whatev.

how does this relate? well, i think mormons think too much about "is this the one" way too early on in the game and put an excessive amount of pressure on themselves and the other person. plus, the mormon world is so small that people are also worried about "what if this doesn't work out" way too early on and end up cutting things off preemptively a lot of the time.

what i'm trying to say is mormon culture has produced a bunch of social retards

punk rock girl said...

it cracked me up in dc. people would go to the point of being engaged before they would tell people they were dating. everything was a secret because you never wanted to let anyone know you dated. anyone. so this problem actually gets worse the fewer mormons there are around. its unhealthy.

Jefe said...

1- Relating Dating to Baseball, bad news, seeing how as Mormons we are only aloud to be on first base (you catch my drift, and I know what your saying, I'm just saying, you say keep a guy on base at all times, if I am on third I might start to hope for third base activities, I mean I am old here!)

2- Stop dating pussies.

3- Yeah we are social retards, but I can say personally that most guys aren't afraid of the "one" they are a little bummed because (now you can decide if I am personifying or not) they wasted their twenties on wasted vacations and screwing around and all of the sudden they start speeding down to their thirties and realize, "wait, I have no way to support anyone but me." And as we've been told no girl wants to marry a dude who can't support themselves and someone else. However, I think this is an archaic way of thinking because I hate my job and I hate school but I love dating girls.


Long story short, I will throw the pretense of marriage out the door, and I am available, who wants to go out? More than once? It doesn't have to be forever, or does it? I confused myself.

Colls said...

of all trends and traditions within our dating subculture, i think buying icecream and m&ms after holding hands and kissing is my favorite. it's really brilliant. you got action so pay up.
i say an amen to becky. there is a definite rush to get serious quickly and project expectations on to self and others. i have practiced and am currently practicing the baseball theory. it is working for me. (and i'm being very serious) and within this theory, 3rd base is definitely the most fun.

punk rock girl said...

i cant even remember what the bases stand for but i am pretty interested in the higher numbers. but that is beside the point.

all i want to say is dating is rough and throwing subcultures and religious restrictions is only going making matters worse. for me. and most people who read this blog. except for that guy in india. who must be so confused right now.

Jefe said...

All explain them as I know them, but I don't want any hate mail coming back to me.

1- Kiss
2- Touching below the neck but above the waste (I think this one is more beneficial for the guys)
3- Fiddle the Diddles, if you know what I mean.
4- Home run in baseball is a score, so you know scoring is a pretty universal term.

sugarcube said...

Jefe- 2nd base isn't just for boys anymore.

natali said...

shhh if boys know we like this stuff it will take all the manipulation out of relationships. women wont be able to use sex as a tool. what a disaster.

natali said...

fiddle the diddles. i will never use another word of it. ever.

Jefe said...

I didn't mean to imply that girls don't like to be groped (though it's a crude term for it, but it's so true). I just mean that the work (as in all the verbs i.e. action) lies with the boys touching...You know I am getting in over my head here.

Then I realized some guys may be like me and have shamelessly proclaimed that you are growing "bitch tits". So I guess it isn't just for guys, feel free to grab my man-milla any day ladies.

ck said...

here's why i like the nons, inactives and converts - i relate those relationships more to tennis: the ball (girl) comes at you and you know you have one opportunity to catch it - none of this three-strike-you're-out crap. If you don't take advantage of the opportunity right then and there, you miss the point and eventually lose the game.

Mormie boys just think too much before asking a girl out - about what people will think and how she compares to any number of other girls you think you can get... moral - if you're interested in getting on any base with a girl, ask her out idiots!

Jefe said...

CK Wanna go out?

ck said...

ha! yes - get your man-milla out to colorado and you've got yourself a date

g said...

so I have been lurking around your blog for a little while now- it is always entertaining- and most times I find myself laughing out loud. I never comment on someone's blog who I don't know personally- But this time, I want to add a very outloud AMEN Sister! (And it wasn't confusing- I understood what you were talking about perfectly.) Thank you for your on point analysis of crappy mormon dating. I am glad someone else feels the same way.

Jefe said...

Does it make me skeezy that I am e-flirting with everyone here? I fell skanky, a lot like baby-prop guy.

Jefe said...

I mean "feel" skanky, but can you "fall" into skankyness?

becky said...

baby, you fell skanky YEARS ago

becky said...

g, i'm so glad you love our blog. comment anytime!

ck said...

what?? you're just playing skanky? you don't really love me? that's way harsh

Jefe said...

That's the thing I think I love all of you. Even Brian, but that's because he loves Star Wars.

Tim & Breena said...

I would like proper citation for coming up with the baseball theory of mormon dating. APA style preferred.

natali said...

sorry breena. did you come up with it? you very well might have. did you think of it on our mesa retreat? heba would like to thank you for her eternal happiness now...