Friday, May 18, 2007
the baseball theory of dating
awhile back i came up with the baseball theory of dating. it was in response to dating and being mormon and dating mormons. here is how it goes. girls should have three guys on base at all times. that means unless you have a boyfriend do your best not to get to involved in any one guy (avoid hyperfocusing). boys should have one up to bat at a time. that means if you are a guy you should try dating one girl until you decide you dont like her and then then next girl gets up to bat (try focusing). its an attempt to somehow normalize dating habits and practices in an otherwise abnormal dating environment. and that in summary is the baseball theory on dating. and now for my reasoning.
last sunday in church the speaker was a 22 year old returned missionary lamenting his dating problems. he didnt know which girl was the right girl for him. he went on to say he had been dating a girl seriously and prayed about about her his wife. but he didnt feel great so he broke it off. he then proceeded to say he thinks he escaped an eternity of misery by following this prompting. but added, she was a great girl. which sums up how i feel when i date mormon guys. you are always on audition. are you in fact the one? but even though you are great there is that certain indescribable characteristic that they cant articulate but you glaringly lack. and what if you arent the one and they accidentally marry you and great they are in misery for eternity (all your fault). i feel like boys are always wondering if i measure up to every stereotype of womanhood and have every quality of motherness and will i always be skinny even after having six kids but most importantly am i the one or is there another girl out there i might like a little more.
i dont really blame mormon guys. its not their fault. this is the problem in any small religious group that places a lot of emphasis on marriage and marrying the right person and marrying within the religion and marrying a stalwart member within the religion and marrying for forever to boot. but it puts me in a pickle. i really like realness and honesty and acceptance and appreciation in relationships. and i find that more outside of mormondon, not exclusively outside but mostly. i think ck once told me that her best boyfriends were either 1)converts 2)inactives or 3) nonmembers. ahem is all have to say to that.
this post is not in anyway supposed to be about how mormon boys are not dateable. they are. i have dated a lot in my day and i have generally enjoyed the experience. i am just trying to highlight a problem i think comes from dating within a small religious group. i am just suggesting that dating would be easier if you werent limited to 2% of the population. but even without the numbers there do seem to be some serious problems with how dating is approached in our subculture and strange expectations and views on the matter. and maybe my baseball theory will fix it. i doubt it. play ball.