Thursday, May 10, 2007

you talk, and talk's so cheap

here is something i think has probably become a problem with the increasing normalcy of using the internet to meet and potentially date people. but it's not even just the internet. it's technology in general. texting, im, etc. it's that men are all talk. were they always, or have they just become so? maybe girls are too. probably. but whatevs, i'm a woman, so i'm going to use the experiences with men as examples...

i have a close friend who hooked up with this guy over new years weekend. he was visiting from out of town, they made out, he left town. she never expected to hear from him again. not only did she not expect to, she didn't care if she did one way or another...it was just a hookup with a total stranger, right? WRONG. as of the next day he was texting her, talking about the "connection" they had and how badly he wanted to see her again. this went on for months. MONTHS. they talked on the phone several times....had really great conversations, texted all the time, etc. he'd ask her constantly when she was coming out to visit, or even better, when she was moving back to CA so they could see each other all the time. a few times over the several months she wouldn't hear from him for a two-week span or so, and she'd always write him off. she wasn't letting herself get emotionally attached. then she'd hear from him again and he'd talk about how much he missed her, how badly he wanted to see her....some of their conversations were quite deep and serious. he'd talk about how he was afraid he wasn't the "good mormon guy" she wanted, and how he wanted to be better for her....blah blah blah. sounds like someone's making plans for the future. at this point she is emotionally attached. how could she not be? he's said too much and made too many promises.

so the time finally arrives. she goes out CA for a visit. not to visit him specifically, but he was probably her main priority there and she was so excited to see him. so excited to see if these months of build-up could lead to something amazing. the day she got to town he texted her and asked where she was and she told him she was there. then nothing. that night when he still hadn't made plans with her she texted him and told him she was only in town for a few days and he had better take advantage of the time. he told her he knew she had things she wanted to do while she was there and didn't know how he fit into that so he was just waiting to hear from her. huh? what happened to mr. confident "get your butt out here now, i can't wait to see you"? anyway, they made plans to go out the next night.

the next day she went shopping with some girlfriends and he called to see what she was doing. she told him she was shopping and he said "maybe i'll join you". then same sentence decided "nah, it's cold and i'm tired, just call me when you're done". two minutes later he texted her and suggested they get together around 10 or 11 that night and she could go out with him and his buddies. wtf. she was pissed. she told him she thought they had plans, just the two of them. she wanted to go to dinner and just spend time together. he says "sure, babe, whatever you want". she finishes up with shopping and calls him. no answer. leaves a message. and he never....calls....back.....ever. she never heard from him again. ever. asshole.

my point is, what the hell? why does a guy put so much effort into keeping in contact with a girl---a complete stranger--who lives in a different state and who he had no "obligation" to ever see or speak to again, if this is how he's going to behave? is he all talk? did he mean those things, but was then too big of a pussy to follow through? or did he not mean any of them and just liked the attention he got in return?

it's so easy to say things to someone when they are on the other end of the computer. or cingular. do we get carried away? get caught up in situations? in conversations with words that we don't mean, but that feel good to say? if you're going to tell me how amazing i am, and how much you love talking to me, and how great we could possibly be together, and how, dammit, you hate the distance between us, then son of a bitch, when we are in the same state, make an effort to see me, and get to know me in person, and see if it's all real, and if you want to be with me after all.

8 comments:

brian said...

being a big fan of the internet (i've called it the best thing ever multiple times) and interested in how the media we communicate with impacts our sense of ourself, i think it's a crisis of no longer knowing our personal boundaries. there's an immediacy in texting and iming--because of the short return time on communications--but also a buffer that allows us to consciously create personas.

natali said...

its sad when someone goes to all the hassle of building you up in their heads to not even let you disappoint them in person.

Jefe said...

Becky, let me text you about this.

becky said...

that's fine, i actually prefer textual conversation to bloggersation

Missi said...

She also told him to lose her number! Again!

Jefe said...

All the effort and no kissing. I think someone had mom issues.

becky said...

oh that's right. she told him "lose my number". i don't know what his issues were jefe, but he definitely had them! wait, HAS. HAS them.

Jefe said...

PERFORMANCE ANXIETY!